Eyes

Your eyes were my favorite place

shining bright like the headlights

of cars passing us by

as we lay entwined.

You whispered sweet words

into my ears

and kissed me.

It was only us

alone in the world.

Life was moving forward

and leaving us behind.

We did not mind.

It was a perfect thing.

Your eyes are my favorite place

as I watch them love another

the way I was once loved by them.

Reviews

[Zakari Schmidt]

I found that last stanza to be quite haunting, admirable delivery throughout. Why not just cut out his eyes? Then you'd see straight into his soul and maybe find your reflection

[Jack Wolfe]

I like your sentiment in this, but it could use some tweaking to strengthen your verses and make them more precise.

Shinning bright like (the) headlight
Of the cars passing us by (the problem here becomes the double use of ‘the’.

‘In to my cold dying ears’ This line through me.

‘And kissed me like the world was just the two of us,’ (I know you mean, as if you’re the only two in the world, but the way it’s worded, it reads ‘like the world was just the two of us,’ it reads a bit awkward.

I enjoyed reading: two lovers, once held in the grip of emotional embrace ‘love’, but then lost, now one watches from a distance, seeing her once ‘true love’ now using those eyes to peer at another.

[DeadDreamer]

I'm so glad you reviewed this for me. It was a bit rough, I do admit. I made a few changes though. It's nice to receive such positive help. Thank you so much!

[Jack Wolfe]

It read smoother. I'd drop 'it was only us' down a line, just to keep pace. Well done.