Bone Orchard

A dream or reality about death

BONE ORCHARD (Santa Muerte)

Snapping olive branches
In animated moonlight
Crunching on the truth
On the sharp edge of midnight.

Murmuring in the distance
A spectral figure walks.
In contorted trees I try
To hide my darkest thoughts.

She whispers like the wind
As she wanders through the trees
Followed by reluctant clouds
Growing in the breeze.

Gliding in moon shadows
She beckoned me to follow
To the bone orchard
Through the hills are hollow.

She said' You have to choose
'Come and lie with me,
 Be a half life existing
Or embrace sweet destiny.'

The earth began to rupture
I heard loud bells ringing
The dead coming back to life
I wake up to sweet singing.

I feel half alive and empty
The sun dancing in my eyes
As Goyan dreams won't leave
Mixing truth with lies.

I felt my bones rattling
Heart banging to be free
Pounding on my rib cage
As life flows inside of me.

She came so close last night
To remind me I'm alive
On el dia del meurte
I see through new eyes.

© D.Hinson

Reviews

[Laura Nikkinen]

I do admit that I am a lover of rhyming and patterns... the tempo here rolls on my tongue so easily, love that aspect of this piece. A vivid image here painted, I just enjoy reading it, out loud too, and the "fantastical" elements of are close to my roots too, how I started writing when I was a teenager and so forth... I admired Tolkien so much and wanted to write poems and songs like he did and I've kind of derailed from that path for a few years now... but Your poem here got me inspired. It's nice and compact, it sounds so soft all around... Just like someone would appear in real life or dream life, if they are luring someone else to follow. The form supports the contents if I wanna be a lamo and word it like that...

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the Haunted contest!

[Lauren Beth]

Wow great piece, nice flow and perfect rhyme throughout. Loved the personification of death, making it a "her" and the whole idea of a brush with death. And the title is great, very smart piece.

[Katherine Hall]

I enjoyed this poem, particularly the opening few stanzas, where the rhyme-scheme was subtle and there was more focus on the images than on just making it rhyme. I felt a bit of that subtlety was lost around stanza 5, and as a result the poem lost some of its music. The content of this poem is great, La Dia del Muerte is a feast not often talked about, but truly vibrant in its own way.
I am curious as to this mysterious 'she'. Is she La Reina Muerta? Or a simple ghost? I would like some more clarification as to who 'she' is. Perhaps in the stanza where 'she' is introduced, have it read "Gliding through moon shadows/*blank* beckoned me to follow' and thus give this mysterious she an identity.
On the whole, very much enjoyed. Good work!
~Katherine

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Dark and beautifully written poem. Loved it. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Twilight]

It is clear that this poem has a consistent structure and rhyme scheme, throughout. To a degree, it reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe's dark writings, regarding death and related themes. Out of curiosity, the spectral figure" to which the writer refers, is a "she"; and I wondered who this apparition is intended represent? I take this spectral figure, to be the vision in protagonist's dream, of her spiritual re-awakening after death (as a ghost)?

Interestingly, I was reminded of the fictional "elephants' graveyard", where these tired and majestic creatures go to die in peace. Was your concept of the "bone orchard" inspired by this old legend, if you don't mind me asking? Your choice of words is very appropriate, throughout this poem.

An orchard is usually associated with new life (as in fresh flowers or growing trees), rather than death or decay. I would like to ask why this environment was chosen, Dianah?

Another fine addition to my Group, "Twilight's Disciples"! Thankyou!

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem

[No Longer Writing Here]

Very nicely written. I could see this expanded into a story.

[Moribund Bunny]

I like this Poem. It sort of sounds like it could be continued. Keep writing!