The Sandman

The Sandman

A Story by Emily_
"

It's a story that had been stirring in my mind for days.

"

    He sat on his bed cross-legged. The window beside his bed was closed for the winter but a chilling breeze seeped through and made his flesh tingle. His hands were cupped over his mouth tightly and his chin was un-kept and bristly. It irritated the palms of his hands. His blankets were strewn over the floor in mountains with velvety peaks. He began to be more aware of how the soft draught froze the sweat that stained his plain white t-shirt. The motive for his pores to pain him was the dream. The dream that was not a ghost wandering the chambers of his psyche like most.
    In the dream he sat there in a plain white sofa. It was leather and warm. He looked around even though he somehow knew his surroundings. It was a dark violet room. The room was the size of a gymnasium. It had seamless corners and a solid shade. This room made him sick. He had been so busy observing the room around him he had failed to notice what was right before his eyes. There was a bucket. It was the same shade as the room. If it wasn’t for the shadows it would have become the room. He knew this. The room would have soaked it up. But that isn’t of any importance. What is important is what happened next. As if gravity was unnerved by the room itself, the pail tipped over. White sand spilled out in front of him. It was like the silky sand you found on the shores of some tropical paradise. His bones felt as if they we’re shattering but he kept his composure. The sand was moving of its own will. He could heard the grains scratching against each other. It was forming a structure and it was piling up on its own, right before his eyes. He was fearful but he felt secure. It was forming the shape of a mans body that stood before him. The grains were still stirring to mould every feature in the mans shape. This continued for about twenty seconds. They stopped moving. The man made of was about six feet tall. He had oddly perfect facial characteristics. He was thin. He had long hair that hung slightly below his mid back. Most importantly this man was purely white. His hair, the colour of his eyes, his skin, was all white. White like an early snowfall. The shadows on him we’re a delicate grey that he had never seen before. He was now showing signs of his terror. He gripped the white leather chair that was now like ice beneath him. The man whispered a grainy sentence. The man waited. He mumbled. He waited. Now he spoke loud and clear. The man said Don’t stray from the pasture. It is your place. Your domicile. As soon as the man finished uttering these words he warped into a single grain of sand it rested in the air. He stared for a moment.
    He sat on his bed cross-legged.

© 2009 Emily_


Author's Note

Emily_
This is the first story submitted on my new account. It's an old short story of mine. I needed something to get me started again. Critics are welcomed to comment as much as possible.

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Reviews

this was very interesting to read. i think id definately like to read more of it.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Lovely I found myself getting lost in your words. This is a great piece of prose you wrote...I'm keen to see more!

Posted 14 Years Ago


You're evil. Seriously... You pretty much touched all of my weakest parts - no dialogues, lots of imagery, a bit of surreal horror and the repetition of the first sentence at the end. The only thing I didn't like was the portrait of the sandman. It was far less elaborate than the first paragraph, and the portrait of his hair, skin and eyes was just odd - it's almost like you forgot that he's just a pile of sand, after all. Or maybe you wanted to emphasize how realistic he looked... Because dreams often look more real than what we experience when we're awake. Well, it was still a good story. Far better than all the boring, s****y 'bestsellers' that are invading the bookstores... I guess I'm just being over-pretentious. Sorry.

Posted 14 Years Ago


This is an eerie one. The sandman is creepy and the detail you use to describe him is precise. You also leave your audience with questions, why this dream? What did this sandman mean. An excellent cliffhanger. There are a few sentences that I would word differntly such as: "He began to be more aware of how the soft draught froze the sweat that stained his plain white t-shirt." I would reword the "began to be more aware" It odd and disrupts your flow. Other than that its a great piece.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Thank you. (:

Posted 14 Years Ago


Great Imagery in this and well descriptive.
I like this, you tell a wonderful story.
I like how started it and ended it the same.

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on July 22, 2009

Author

Emily_
Emily_

519, Canada



About
Emily Perry, teenager, amateur ______________________________ With miles to drive on a cerebral highway, where it leads our hearts to that empire where all unfolds. We drag our knees through these b.. more..

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