As i start to crack

you know i wrote this poem in April but was pissed at this website because no one gave a damn about my poetry its pretty good though and i regret not posting it till now

I start to crack
and lack compassion
a passion towards life
because my soul is lifeless
and light less
void of feeling
peeling away the outer core
to find the sore and rotten insides
that confides hate
denigrating with ever thought
the thought that brought happiness and a smile
now brings sadness and a face full of denial
a facade never ending
lending to depression
never allowing the pain to lessen
brain rotting away
not a fragment of who used to be stays
self destruction trying to avoid the inevitable
collapse
and over lapse
of darkness and sorrow
living off time borrowed
from his fading spirit
that still remains
but so weak it refrains
and allows its own death
one final breath
and connection
of body
spirit
mind
and soul

Author's Note

i enjoy this one tell me what you think

Reviews

[kannerjay]

Depressing but deep. Good job on this one

[Winslow Des Totes]

There is a lot to this piece, every word seems to hold such deep a meaning that which the flow does not allow the reader to fully grasp. Perhaps some punctuation could help? I found myself flying through it without stopping and ended up having to reread it again to understand it all, and even then I may have missed something. This is a very good piece but it can be made great with just a little tweak. :) Overall I enjoyed reading it and don't think just because I think it needs editing that is in no way not as great as you perceive it! After all, who am I but a stranger with a laptop? XD As the review before me said, keep up the good work!

[Robert delfuego or Ethan]

Thank you for your review but to be honest that is some what my goal i don't want to write stuff always easy to understand i want to write something deep and confusing so you can re read and come up with new conclusions to the meaning each time or add to what you previously though of it

[K-mo]

This is a very chilling piece, but very good! keep it up!!!