Fake Fellow

For the fake people around me

Don't be jealous, 

don't be kind

I know you're selfish 

committing a crime

You grabbed me from back

And put a knife 

Tried to slit my throat

Within a strife..

You are the danger, 

in the town

There's something red, 

on your jacket brown

Roses you gave are darkened

River has run dry

That tree has fallen

Under which you'd sit and cry..

You made by Satan

In the darkness you belong

Your eyes has turned red

Grew the oryx type of horn.

you have done so far

What you meant to be

But the fire is 

Never a threat to the sea..

Reviews

[H L Rose]

I like the metaphors you use along with your choice of words.
There are a few areas that are a bit confusing, but If they are smoothed out, I think the poem overall is very good.

In the first stanza the major problem I see is with lines 5-8.

"You grabbed me from back/And put a knife"
I like your word choice with "grabbed" and I like that you are changing up the common phrase "you stabbed me in the back", but "back" needs another word in front of it, like a pronoun or an article such as "my back", "the back", "a back". Also "put a knife" feels a bit awkward and unfinished. Put a knife where? or in what? but I think you could reword it to work. For example "You grabbed my back/ and in it put a knife", but that's just an example.

"Tried to slit my throat/Within a strife.."
This wording is a bit awkward because I am not too sure what you mean by "Within a strife". If you mean like a fight or confrontation, "strife" might not be the best word to use. If you mean it more like, while in strife (or during a difficult time) they kicked you when you were down, then this word would definitely work and I may just suggest rewording it.

Once again, I like your metaphors, especially "But the fire is never a threat to the sea". This is my favorite line, and I think it's awesome.

I enjoyed the read!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thanks for your suggestions, really helpful

[H L Rose]

Of course! I’m glad I could be of help!

[Mr.Writer]

Woahh, this is.. deep.. and relatable and yet so well done!!
Great job Farhan and I hope you get through this tough phase.
- Shaan

[Anjali]

Woah... The irony of last line is amazing... I liked it a lot. It had suspense in it too...

[Pooja Chintamani]

Last line is doing awesome job ..bitter truth you have drawn !!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much 😄

[barleygirl]

Your poem is full of interesting metaphors . . . in some cases, it takes a little pondering to figure out what you might be intending, tho. I guess the mystery you convey with your opaque words is similar to how it can feel when we don't know the motives a person may have, maybe good, maybe not. The middle stanza is interesting the way you play with the colors red & brown. The last two lines are the best . . . such a wise way to express this idea . . . to be safe from the threat of fake people! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you so much 😄😄

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and strong words shared Farhan. Some evil is well hidden. Don't truth anyone till you know their final goal. Thank you for sharing the amazing and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

[Farhan Shaikh]

Glad you liked it

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy.

[Najam Us Saher]

This is the first time I am reading a poem from you which is filled with so much agression and rage. This is so well written for describing such people.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Glad you liked it

[Najam Us Saher]

Yes I did. I also come across such people and I feel the same.

[Najam Us Saher]

I hope I am not one of them.

[Farhan Shaikh]

No! Haha actually this is about who we meet regularly we had them from long time...and yet they're fake...

[Donna]

There are so many fake people! Nicelly written!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Thank you...

[wordman]

sounds like a friendship that has gone bad

[Farhan Shaikh]

In life we go through some s***s.. it's obvious