Bleak Outlook

A poem about despair.

This is bleak,

Not a streak,

Of colour anywhere.

Sorrow, pain and death,

Lack of breath,

It's time to feel despair.

Waters rush,

Troubles crush,

You're hanging by a hair.

Letting go,

Dying slow,

So who said life was fair?

© 2017 The Iron Horseman

Reviews

[Poetic License]

This took the breath right out of my lungs. So simply and matter-of-factly stated. It was almost like a slap across the face in comparison with the generally colorful and image packed story-style of yours.

You absolutely nailed it. It is stark. It is bare bones. It is not flowery, it is not long, it offers no hope and no solace. It is a statement on a highway sign - only enough words to be read in a single glance traveling at 70mph on the road going to nowhere. Absolutely perfect.

Your use of primarily single and double syllable words makes it even more "bare." There is not one word there to offer the flower of a picture, a color or imagination, a hint of creative outlet - it is, exactly what it advertises - it is not fair, it is the ending, ready or not, it doesn't really matter.

The more times I read this, the straighter the hairs stood on the back of my neck. I think that if a reader is not currently in that life season, it is a bleak reminder that it will be coming. Such good stuff. I can't even choose a favorite line, but without them all, it simply "isn't." That, to me, says everything. All or nothing.

Amazing.

[The Iron Horseman]

Wow! Thank you. You inspired me to try it with picture you posted for your contest. I was tempted to play with it after i wrote it, add another verse, but I managed to resist temptation! lol

[Poetic License]

Good for you! You nailed it!