What Love may do

What Love may do

A Poem by Isobel Moon
"

Short poem about two lovers who are kept apart, but still in love

"
The wind ran through
Her dark long hair
and the mountains echoed
around her.

He sat inside
Staring out at the lawn
and the world moved on
around him.

They gazed at the moon
from their sides of the country
and let time slip by
around them.

The world keeps spinning
yet closer they come
and energy burns
around them.


© 2015 Isobel Moon



Author's Note

Isobel Moon
I went for repetition here, but I'm not sure if it worked as intended

My Review

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Reviews

Really good poem and I like the imagery. And the repetition did well. It helped make the poem better. Good job!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Your use of repetition was very effective as it tied the poem together, you introduced your first character in the first stanza, your second character in the second stanza and then how they yearn for each other in the last two stanza's. It is a perfectly written poetic story. Keep writing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

wow, thanks so much. I really appreciate the feedback :)
Absent or distant love can be painful. Your expression of that absence is prevalent in this work. Thank you for sharing

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

thanks so much for the review, the fact that you take the time to do this means a lot
Willard Wells

2 Years Ago

I was happy to read it.
REMINDS ME RUNNING BEAR! I am wait for the both them to dive into the river.

Posted 2 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is a very good write Isobel! I like the flow and the imagery you provided with where they are. Nice work!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

Thanks for the review!
A nice place you took the reader. Good to find safe place and good company. I like the flow of thoughts leading to the very good ending. Thank you for the excellent poetry. Your poetry is very good. Flowed with skill and you can tell a story.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much :)
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

You are welcome.
It's very good. The repetition adds to the tone of the poem. It slows everything down like a movie in slo-mo for the climax. I also like the 'her' 'him' and then together, together. It's beautiful. ^^ Keep Dreaming

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

Thank you, your review means a lot
I like it a lot. The repetition works for me because the poem is short and not drawn out. Also the meter is not perfect but it is rhythmic and flows well. The picture you suggest is clear and there are no ambiguities in what you are suggesting. There's almost a statement without saying so directly which is so important in poetry. They long for each other and that energy will one day fuse them together again in the future. "They gazed at the moon from their side of the country." That is the link for me. Great poem. Keep writing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your review!
Your poem seems to be about two people who are apart but they are coming closer.
"yet closer they come"
Was that your intent, to show that the distance between them is dwindling?

Posted 2 Years Ago


Isobel Moon

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your review. Yes, it is something like love is bringing them closer even though the w.. read more
Misery

2 Years Ago

I understand. The energy of love. A very nice creation.

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395 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 30, 2015
Last Updated on April 30, 2015
Tags: love, life, chemistry, energy, passion, long distance relationship

Author

Isobel Moon
Isobel Moon

About
Isobel Moon Aspiring Novelist I write mostly short paragraphs and poems, but I am working on a novel more..

Writing

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