Emotional roller coaster

This is about me, and how my day to day reality is

How irrational I've become
Every little thing
I'm a ticking time bomb
One word will set me off
One look will flip my switch
How irrational I've become
Lack of sleep, anxiety
Mood swings they say
I say I'm done
How irrational I've become
Yelling, screaming, pushing
How tiring it's become
I can't stop now
Adrenaline kicks
How'd I let this happen
I can't control myself
How irrational I've become
Now I'm crying
Forgotten why I'm angry
Or never really knew
I can't make it stop
Rocking back and forth
From the pain inside my head
Make it stop
How irrational I've become
I want to tear the skin from off my bones
Stop each tear from leaking
I want to punch holes in my walls
I want to watch myself bleed
I can't make it stop
Someone make it stop
My eyes are burning
And my head is aching
I can't control myself
I'm so tired but I'm afraid of what I see in my dreams
I want to sleep but I know I'll hurt myself again
So I cry
And hold in screams
Till the morning comes
Then I do it all again
How irrational my life has become
Cannot sleep because of fear
Cannot be happy because of anger
Cannot be sad because it's more than that
I want it to be simple
I want my emotions to be clear
How irrational I've become
So I cry
It doesn't numb the pain anymore
But it helps to cover it up
in a coat of tears and sobs
Every little thing Makes it worse
Every little thing
Living is so hard
But dying is so much worse
I'm sick of this in between
Not fully alive, I'm dead inside
How irrational I've become

Author's Note

This is very personal but I needed to vent and I want to know what others think, what goes through your head when you read this? Anyone have similar experiences?

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This refrain: “How irrational . . .” is repeated just the right amount of times, with a little break in the middle where you leave this line out for a while as you develop a crescendo of intensity. There are a fair number of writers who express similar head trips, but yours is one of the most well-expressed I’ve read. You include many specific details to make your message pop, but not too cluttered with frantic expressions. Your poem has a gradual build-up despite the intensity being conveyed. In other words, the right blend of relaxed pacing with somewhat frantic observations. Without trying to be clever or word-crafty, you just tell it like it is & this is very relatable. I am bipolar & at age 61, I’ve learned to deal with it not using meds. I’d rather have a little chaos than flatline on the remedy. I think these neuroses help keep our writing sharpened & authentic (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Jas]

IM so glad you can resonate with this, I’m young and still trying to figure everything out, im bipolar as well and I refuse to be medicated.

[Leo]

I'm willing to bet the moment you finished writing this superb poem you felt free..even if for few seconds or minutes..What went inside my head when I read this is that - I can relate in many ways..check out soul flu and you will see the resemblance and sigh be like damn i'm not alone..

Other than that, your rhyme was on point despite a tough introspective poem but the fact that you conveyed your true emotions in a well-written and structured way with melodic effect and music to my ears sour or sweet doesn't matter..tells me that you did a superb job! Well-done

[Jas]

Wow thank you, I’m glad you got that much out of my poem. It really felt good to write it

[Dinesh Kumar]

nicely written really enjoyed reading

[Jas]

Thank you 😊

[Rasheem]

It's sounds like your trapped inside your mind.. ive felt things similar to the stuff you've mentioned. This is a great poem it's very vivid and how you felt at the time is clear

[Jas]

Exactly, I’m glad the message is clear

[Madeleine Celeste]

This is so vivid, and the repetition adds a haunting sort of calmness to an otherwise terrifying visual. This is very poignant and raw simultaneously. Long story short, I LOVE THIS.

[Jas]

I’m so glad you liked it