Dead

I'm a really depressed person, so I wanted to write a poem about myself. Beware of depression. Seriously. R&R please! It's my first legitimate poem!

I hate myself.

I won't deny it.
I'm worthless and all I do is take up space on this Earth.
I don't deserve to be alive.

It's true.
I'm not going to commit suicide or anything, though.
I'm too much of a coward for that.

That's me!
A coward and a weakling.
Someone that is just TOO easy to push around.
You know why it's so easy?
'Cause I don't stand up for myself.
Ever.

I'm dead.
Or, at least, I might as well be.
You see, nobody knows me- the real me.
They never have and they never will.
Not even my best friends.
Not even my parents.
Not even my own sister.

The real me...
She hides, alone, in I corner of my head.
A corner of my soul.

She's tough.
She's straightforward.
She's honest.
But most of all, she's happy.

But she's dying.
She's losing the struggle to survive, to fight against this all-consuming depression.
She's dying.
I'm dying on the inside.

So no one will ever see the real me.
Never.
Not even those who care for me the most.

Because I'm too dead to show them.

Author's Note

NO FLAMES, PLEASE.

With that aside, I'd like to request that you don't tell me to stop being depressed. It won't help, and, frankly, I've never even cut myself or anything. I want to, though. What I'm saying is that I'll be fine. My life's not in danger or anything. So shush. And review. Reviews are good.

Reviews

[Ashwee ♥]

I can really appreciate this poem because well.. I feel the same way. I'm proud of you though, for being so strong, for being so courageous you're here and you're still fighting and that's inspiring. I am also depressed just not quite as strong as you. I enjoyed your poem, STAY STRONG and keep writing, love.

[Katherine R.]

Thanks! Glad you liked it! I never really talk about this kind of stuff, so it's really new to me...

Thanks again!

[Sami Khalil]

"I'm dying on the inside.

So no one will ever see the real me.
Never.
Not even those who care for me the most."

Very honest, very relevant to so many people...Thank you for sharing...:)....................

[Katherine R.]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked my depression poem! :)

[Sami Khalil]

I did...You are welcome...:)..................

[Jack...]

Katherine, we all feel like this from time to time...well, let me rephrase that because I really don't know how we all feel...I feel like this from time to time...borderline often. It is a terrible feeling and it is hard to get over, but somehow I manage to pull through and it is by opening up to good friends...I have one or two, and if they are true friends they can make your life seem like it is really worth something and worth something immense.

Your poem is a good step...and....I enjoyed it. I really liked how you wrote it and it spoke to me and for me. This is a very well crafted piece of art.

[Katherine R.]

Thanks, Jack!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i came back from this...was at the edge and began to go over...felt all that you express here...
sometimes we have to get to the very bottom until the only way to go is up...

you'll get through it.

[Katherine R.]

Thanks! Hope you're right! :)

[Wuji]

Poetry helped me through my share of depression, especially when I learned to write about more positive things! This is a gritty psychological read Katherine!

[Katherine R.]

A look into my weird little head! :)

Poetry helps a lot. Like, more than any other type of writing.

[Simon Welsh]

Ah bollocks. Me too. Nicely written.

[Katherine R.]

Thanks for the compliment!

[Traci]

Only one who has faced depression can truly understand, and that is the greatest gift we can give another ... understanding. You are a lot stronger than you think, it emanates in each word you've written. Keep expressing, and remember even in your darkest moments, the light does shine again. Stay strong!

[Katherine R.]

Aww, thanks! You are right about understanding. I know two depressed people(that I personally see and stuff. I know a few more online) but one doesn't like talking about stuff like that- she doesn't even know I'm depressed- and the other isn't depressed like I am- she doesn't know the full extent of my depression, but she knows a bit. So I don't really have many people who completely understand. It's hard sometimes. Writing helps, though.

[Traci]

I do understand Katharine, so feel fee to message me anytime. And keep writing!

[Katherine R.]

Thanks, Traci!

[taleofthelur]

What makes you think you know the real you?

[Katherine R.]

Not really sure, actually. I gues I just...feel it. She's like...that voice I hear all the time. The one that's all confident. The one most of my happier thoughts present themselves in. She's the person I want to show others. So I guess that makes her more 'me' then the face everyone knows.

[taleofthelur]

What's her name?

[Katherine R.]

Dunno. She's just...Kathy I guess..? She's never Katherine, though. She's more Kathy.

[taleofthelur]

Katherine is associated with the Greek word Katharos, which means pure. A potential origin is the Armenian word Gadar, meaning "The summit", when bestowed as a name for a woman it is Gadarine which means, "She is the summit."

[taleofthelur]

Do with that what you will

[Katherine R.]

Very interesting. Didn't know that. You. You are a web/book/info bird! Yes I just called you a bird. You carried a somewhat-random-and-rather-interesting fact to me on your wings! Info bird! :)

[taleofthelur]

You're welcome, keep writing on the summit.

[Katherine R.]

I shall. Thanks again!

[UC Poika]

I've been there too. I don't know how I got out now or I'd tell you my own story maybe and you'd feel. I couldn't feel anything and suicide didn't help. I was afraid to die, and afraid to live I think but I can't be sure. Well, anyway your poem brought that back to me and I thought I should let her know I survived. I'm not sure how but I did.

PS. I only came to your profile because my first love's name was Kathy R. about a million years ago though so I'm sure you're not her, then your title DEAD just hit me like a brick. So I wrote a poem about the way I feel about her. Thanks. It's a pretty good one. Thanks for the memory, I think.

[Katherine R.]

Well you're right, I'm not her. But that poem you wrote was really good, regardless.

[Chaz Hemsworth]

I really relate. I've been here before. It's not a fun place. It's a really poignant expression of what depression is to me: having your identity slowly sucked away. It takes a lot of courage to write this kind of stuff and share it. Maybe one day you'll feel better. But happy poetry never quite has the same appeal as this darker, heavier stuff.

[Katherine R.]

I know what you mean, I'm addicted to reading and writing depressing poetry.

Thanks for the concern. I guess I share stuff like this because it gives me comfort knowing I can tell someone that will probably never meet me, so it doesn't affect my life too much. I just like telling people because I can't talk about to the people I really know.