Drowning Lessons

When I was younger,

I learnt the lesson well;

I was taught how to die,

How to embrace the flames of Hell.

 

And when I grew older,

I thought things would change,

Thought the world would be better –

God, was I deranged!

 

As the years passed,

Life just become worse.

I realised that this wasn’t a life –

It was just a nasty curse.

 

The torrents of Life

Have began to kill me.

They rumble; they crash;

They don’t want me to be.

 

Older still,

And still I want to die.

Life has taught me

What it’s like to cry.

 

I took a lesson

On how to drown.

So crash on Life –

I’m going down.

 

Copyright©JosieWentzel21July2008

 

Reviews

[Pale Rose]

I love the meter and rhyme of this poem; it really flows with a steady beat, except where you want to draw attention. Well done.

As for the message, it is something I can relate to. I especially like the last stanza :) The only line that really stumped me at all was "So crash on Life--". Maybe it would be better if it said, "So crash this Life--" or "I crash my Life--" or such. I'm really not sure. It sounds a bit, I dunno, vague, like it doesn't actually make sense (but it does anyway).

Either way, this an awesome poem! Good job!

[Kris Tate]

Its nice, but it didn't make me feel like everything was falling apart. I can't put this in the running for the contest, but I can say I really enjoy this poem. I think you are very talented. The rhythm, rhyme, and meter of the piece is just wonderful. I think that you are an awesome poet. It is so hard to show your feelings and still stick to a good meter and rhyme. This poem almost reminds me of lyrics. I think you are very talented and thank you so much for entering my contest so I would get to read your work.

[Emily B]

I don't do well with darkness, I lived there too long. Wishing you some light.

[Raja]

It is a good write. I like the poem. Only, it would be better if you please hold back something so that the readers could find the melodrama more aptly. Please never mind for my criticism, as I like reading your poem very much, my friend.

Keep it up.

Thank you for sharing.

Raja.

[Raven Held]

Nice. Very Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights. And I love the title - wry and ironic.

I love this bit:
'I took a lesson
On how to drown.
So crash on Life �
I'm going down.'

Rather depressing, but not to overly dramatic, the kind I loathe. This is intense, but heartfelt.

Thanks for sharing!

Loves,
Raven