The Envy of Angels

Beware the envy of angels. A tragic tale of love, loss and desperation, with a dash of the macabre for good measure.

 The angels envied our love,

so they carried my love away.

The angels, jealous of our love,

sent death to take her away.

 

Our love was a love forever anon,

a love which death could not end.

Covetousness took her, now she is gone.

Broken, my heart shall not mend.

Jealous the winged seraphs on high,

jealous of the love we shared

which transcended the love of those angels on high,

whose heavenly love, ours paled.

I curse all the angels of heaven above,

curse with my flesh and my bone.

I curse them for taking the life of my love,

who lies as cold as the stone.

She lies, does my love,as cold as the stone,

she lies, but my love does not cease.

She lies does my love, but does not lie alone,

for with her I oft rest in peace.

Entwined we lay like twins in the womb

and lays she so still without breath,

together as lovers we lie in this tomb.

Together in love, life and death.

But the angels are envious still of our love

and beckon me with them to leave.

Ascending to heaven, my soul finds its' love

and never again shall it grieve.

 

Reviews

[kewlbluetiger]

Wow, you are really on the verge of something really really fantastic here; because this write is a very creative concept of what could happen if "perfect love" per say were achieved, and it angered the angels. I agree with Twilight that the structure needs help. A break might be needed somewhere around the repitition of the line "cold as the stone." Also, I think the issue for me is the poem lacks a little bit of clarity (which is the best word I can think of now) that "The Devil's Angels" has. I think the issue is that the one he loves is suddenly dead, and then the lover is suddenly dead with her. I think maybe a couple of lines about those deaths would let the reader sympathize with the lover even more with his plight against the angels (which traditionally are held in high regard); but truly this is free verse poetry and that is just a suggestion. These lines have so much possibility and caused me to think:
"Covetousness took her, now she is gone. / Broken, my heart shall not mend."
We think of angels as being perfect, and here you gave one the name of a sin. Wow. Good stuff. That itself is a story to be written.

This work and concept is so creative and I want you to know I'll keep an eye out for future work. You're so talented!

[Twilight]

One could argue, that the only real problem with this poem, is the structure of one rather short opening verse, followed by a closing verse of so many lines? Having said that, I accept that the writer may have had a special reason, for doing so?

Clearly, the "angels" word has been repeated for emphasis, but perhaps, it should not have been repeated quite so often? Whilst reading, I acquired the impression, that the angels in this piece, were supposed to represent, either love or women themselves?

In some lines, I also concluded that the writer is expressing the loss of love, either due to a broken heart, or the very death of his former lover? Fine themes, for a piece of dark poetry.

Overall, this poem seems to portray a cynical view of love and romance. However, the piece ends in a very positive way, with the protagonist finding a higher form of love - when his soul ascends to Heaven!