Pain Defines Who You Are

What we benefit from pain, other than the moment of self judging.

“Why is that all your stories filled with pain and agony? Pain pervades through your words.” She asked politely.

I could see right through her eyes, a need to settle her distress. I had the perfect gaze of her every gesture and her every facial expression from where I sat. She too could do the same since we sat oppositely, facing each other. Each of us had a perfect view that we could discern each other’s response.

I could no longer hold on to stare at her, so I looked out to the window. There was nothing intriguing, thus I searched through the branches that stood out to shine with the sunlight.

Silence devoured my surrounding. The air beseemed so condensed that I could feel its moistness. Sudden bolts sparked through my nerves, penetrated in the mind, and set off a mental discomfort. A disorder overwhelmed me and I kept wondering if the question was way too deep, or it was just me, reacting all by myself.

The predator became the prey I guess.

“Pain is……,” i stopped before I could finish. I wasn’t ready yet. I had to give it a moment. Breathe in. Breathe out. Again. Such a mantra.

My mind was still fighting off the discomfort within me that had made its way to the vocal tract. Had she hit a nerve?

“We prefer lies to fill in pain. We hold on to what we will never grasp, just to give us hope.” The words finally came out as I wanted them to. I could tell she had more questions with the look on her face. Instead of answering the question directly, I added more in her end. She raised her shoulders signaling uncertainty, then pushed the tape recorder close to me and further from herself. Even though her expressions were calm, I could tell that she wanted me to explain myself and answer the damn question.

I myself was disturbed. A million questions raced in my head persistently endeavoring to be cloaked with gratifying answers.

“Pain and sorrow defines who we are. It is in these moments that our flaws are bewrayed. Our scars become disclosed to the world, and what we really feel in these dark moments, is revealed.” I paused.

I definitely knew that I had just made matters worse. Obviously, the uncertainty within her had escalated. I took a good look in her eyes and I noticed a tiny black spot in her left eye. I had not noticed it since the beginning of the interview. Perhaps the conversation triggered a microscopic sensation in my eyes. My senses seemed to be heightened.

“I think what we do defines us. I mean it’s our choices,” she begged to differ.

“Yes, that’s true,” I agreed to her statement.

“But that’s contrary to what you earlier said,” she made her point.

This time I did not stare at her, neither did I look through the window. My eyes were fixed on the tape recorder, particularly the clockwise motion of the tapes. Round and round it went, amazing me.

“Here is the thing, choices define us on a ground level. What we approve to be our next step is rather pertaining what we go through in our lives. The choices that we make when we are happy are completely different from those we make when we are sad. Happiness gives us hope, and thus, it feels a better place to be free from wrath. Through its embrace we are excecated from harsh moments which are inherent.”

“People are defined by the choices, and those choices are defined by the moments we go through. Sounds convoluted, doesn’t it?”

It wasn’t rhetorical. I was expecting an answer to that.

Luckily she rose to my need, “Yes, because moments are defined by choices, so what we go through is defined by ourselves.”

“Then all that you have done, and all that has happened to you, has it been all that you have chosen?”

Now that was rhetorical. The answer was typically no.

“We have wee control over our lives. What happens to us doesn’t only lies in what we do, but also what happens naturally. By itself.” I had not answered her question yet. I was busy preparing her mind to conceptualize my answer so that she could have something worth reading for her readers, or her followers for that matter.

“Through pain, our vulnerability is proven, and thus, it is the only moment that the strong and weak are uncovered. The weak find pain formidable and they succumb to its momentarily anguish with no hope of salvation. The strong on the other hand, they get hold of the painful moments right through their core, and they withdraw from its arms.”

“Pain defines who you are because that’s the moment when you choose how to deal with it, and what you learn from it. You can despise it as much as you like, but once it gets hold of you, it will you define you on a molecular level �" either strong or weak.”

“So your stories are to condemn all those that succumb in pain?” She asked.

I wanted to call her by her name but I couldn’t since it had escaped my mind. I reached through my memory lane but I still came with nothing. Old age seemed to get hold of me quietly. I couldn’t ask her name over the interview, it would sound embarrassing for me so I bit my tongue.

“No Miss,” I said as with a little bit of courtesy since she looked young and there was no ring on any of her fingers.

“My stories are aimed to tell them  that they are not alone, we all go through pain. I’m also showing them how they can be strong. They can overcome pain and learn from it. I thoroughly comprehend that it’s not easy, but that’s just life, nothing is easy. Neither nothing is in vain. It’s all for an eternal wondrous gain.

Pain shouldn’t be in vain because challenges makes us who we are, and sadness can give us strength as long as you don’t let it overpower you.”

Author's Note

Pain shouldn’t be in vain because challenges makes us who we are, and sadness can give us strength as long as you don’t let it overpower you

Reviews

[Taino]

Very powerful and profound. Pain, fear, failure are sometimes our best teachers. And you are right the lesson is to learn from pain, the challenge is to not overpower us. Awesome, keep writing!

[Roy Lennic]

Thank you Taino