against all odds

A Story by Madde Wheeler

Saying I was overwhelmed was an understatement. Life hadn’t been easy for a while. I manage but sometimes I just needed a moment to myself; a moment to gather my thoughts and relax. This would be my last semester before I would get my masters. I have desired to teach for as long as I could remember; everything was falling in place after years of fighting through hard times.

I put my 2014 dodge in park outside and throw my hands to my face. I needed a moment alone before going inside. I look through my fingers at the two-story white house in front of my car. It’s a basic looking house: red shutters, white wrap around porch, a tire swing dangling from the massive oak tree just to the right of the big front door. I remember daydreaming in the back of his old silver Chevrolet about my big white porch, his 10-gallon fish tank in the master bedroom, to our dream come true up in her room giggling with her dolls. Being able to come home and know that all that beauty lays behind that big red door was my favorite thing after a long day. It’s sad to think drivers pass by everyday but will never know the perfection on the inside.

My heels click against the pavement with each step I take. I take a deep breath and open the door to a sound I’ve never heard before, silence.

“hmmm…. where could my family be at?”

Just as the words exit my mouth do I hear a faint whisper followed by a deep chuckle coming from the kitchen. I couldn’t help but smile as I turn the corner to catch a glimpse of her curly blonde hair. I always wondered where she got her blonde hair from. It certainly was not my side of the family.

I pretend not to see and call out for them,

“Carter! Jack! Are you guys here? I need my hugs and kisses!”.

“BOO, did we scare you mommy?”, Carter said as she jumps out from behind the chair.

I put my best scared face on and laugh, “Oh my goodness! Is this what you and daddy have been too? I’ve missed you so much, come give me a hug”.

She runs over and jumps in my arms. I squeeze her tight and look up at Jack, who was tiptoeing over to us.

In his grumbly monster voice Jack says,

“Tickle monster needs to get his daily tickles!”

We both giggle as Carter squeals and runs to her room. I walk to the sofa and look around leaving Jack to rummage for food.

I remember the first time we looked at the house. It was a big year for us; Carter was turning five years old, I was about to graduate with my bachelors, and Jack was about to re-enlist. He surprised me with the showing. As we were pulling up he placed his hand on my lap looked me with his deep green eyes and flashed his handsome smile that I still fall for every day.

“I promised you five years ago, I would make sure you get everything you want, and this is only the beginning”.

We bought the house that day, or would have if we made it that far.

Hours of stalking her on social media and I still cannot take my eyes off the phone, off her picture. She just keeps smiling at me, like there is not a care in the world; yet, here I have been, sitting on the bathroom floor crying for hours. Well okay, thirty minutes, but it felt like hours.

This must be a dream, well more like a nightmare. I pinch myself to make sure this is real life. I have never been cheated on, I especially do not like the feeling. I have so many questions running through my head looking for answers, but they cannot be found anywhere. There defiantly does not need to be a first for everything, especially this.

My girls reassured me I was prettier than her but in this moment, I sure did not feel it. I set my phone down beside me and try to breathe. Inhale, exhale, repeat. I get off the floor and look up at the mirror in front of me. Nothing about me was praise worthy. My long flyaway brown hair made my face look pale and narrow.

I can see the pain in my eyes no matter how hard I try to hide it from myself. They looked exactly how I felt, irritated and sad. I guess the eyes are the window to the soul, yet you can look right through my grey eyed windows and not even realize I’m home, while her short blonde hair made her green eyes pop. Karma really is a b***h.

“You didn’t just cheat on me you cheated on us. I should be the first and last thought on your mind each day not some s**t. If I don’t give you enough physical attention you should have talked to me about it. A relationship is two not three, learn to count. You f*****g took the one person who should come above everyone else in the worlds trust and crushing it with each picture sent, each word typed, each thought of her. You did the wrong thing to the right girl. I have trust issues and cause fights to make sure you will still fight like hell for me, because right now I’m fighting like hell for you when I didn’t even do s**t! I want someone who I will always have a hand to hold when I need it, because I’ll always be that hand to hold If you need it. I know you don’t want to f*****g hear it because its old news to you but it’s a new cut to me.”

“You might as well as put a gun to my head, better yet, I need to hold one to your head. I cannot do this anymore; don’t you get it!”.

While his green eyes filled with hate, mine filled with sorrow and horror. He finally turns from me, leaving me alone once more in a crowded room. My future walking out the door and all I can do is stand, motionless, mesmerized by him. With just a few steps, he glides out of the room. Just as he came he was gone in a blink of an eye.

He said nothing yet screamed so much.

I have never felt so vulnerable before. I keep letting myself feel something so strong and real but I destroy it. Stupid. As the first tear splashes the ground, my heart begins to close off. I just want the ache to leave. I down the rest of my drink along with the glass sitting next to me. I need the ache to leave; I need more drinks. I’m trying to fight a losing battle, more tears flow. My head becomes a boxing ring for my thoughts. What was the right choice? What am I supposed to do? I cannot believe he threatened me and left. He was supposed to care and protect me not be the one behind the trigger.

A hand, now aggressively pushing down into my shoulder, startles me from my thoughts, then I hear a whisper of a raspy voice in my ear.

“This way baby, just follow me”.

The hair on my neck stands up; somethings wrong. As I stand up, his hand finds its way to my hip. He guides me in the same direction Jack had walked in.

I don’t know where I am; I’m surrounded by darkness. All I can hear is the rapid beating of my heart; I can’t help but think, this is it. Beads of sweat roll down my face. Even if I can’t see, I know he is here. As I inch along the wall trying to feel for an escape, he starts to threaten me.

“Move and I shoot”

I freeze quicker than a deer in headlights. Before I have time to think, a strong aroma swept over me. It smelled of menthol and spice, his favorite cologne. I opened my eyes in time to barely make out his face. The lighting made him look mystifying yet dangerous. His lips were sealed together as though he was trying not to speak. I could not help but think of the first time we kissed.

We had not been at the party for more than an hour yet I could tell he was bored. He was in his usual pose, leaning back in his chair, shoulders pushed back, while his arms were propped up. He liked to show off his muscular figure any chance he could.

I watched him as his green eyes scanned the room as though he was looking for someone. His eyes focused on a group of wasted girls. There were five girls in the group, the oldest being Ashley. With every group, there is a leader, and that would be her.

With her blonde hair, blue eyes and size two body, Ashley was the IT girl, but that wasn’t who he was looking at. I followed his eyes to a girl to Ashley’s right, Bailey. I knew a lot about “bifacial Bailey”. Bailey was easy to spot because she was a very large girl, especially standing with Ashley and her followers. She was defiantly someone you had to watch out for because one moment she was smiling in your face, and the next stabbing you in the back. That must be why Ashley keeps her around.

Bailey was someone who needed to feel wanted and liked. Last semester Ashley got a bold new haircut and received so much attention, so Bailey rushed out the next day to get her fake blonde hair cut like Ashley’s hair hoping to get attention; however, to her dismay, nobody noticed. Bailey, who was trying to catch the eye of Ashley’s boyfriend, was pissed. Rumor has it she follows Ashley around studying her every move so she can take Ashley down.

She had defiantly caught Jakes attention because he couldn’t take his eyes off her. I could feel the fire burning under my skin. Just then Bailey had looked over and winked at him.

I looked back at him to see if he saw the wink. His jaw locked while his narrow eyes scanned her body up and down. He must have caught me starring at him because his eyes flickered in my direction. The look of disgust washed over his face.

Burning hatred quickly lit fire to my eyes. I always believed the best in him, yet there were so many signs; tilting the phone away from me, walking into the next room for phone calls, spacing himself from me. His little white lies buried the truth while digging his grave right next door.

“Let’s get out of here”.

Before I could speak he ripped me from my chair. He glanced back at Bailey one last time trying to catch her eye. She looked up and bit her lip at him. Once he knew he caught her attention, he kissed me forcefully. He was the guy everyone had to have yet, suddenly the taste of his sweet kisses turned into the taste of beer and smoke. I don’t like the taste of beer and smoke.

As I come back to reality I open my eyes and see his gorgeous face just a few feet from mine. Even through the darkness, you could see his chest inflate and deflate with each rapid breath; his green eyes fumed with hatred. I can only get out a whisper,

“I didn’t mean too”.

I jump.