Space

Whenever I talk to you,

You ignore me,

Whenever I look at you,

You walk away,

My words at great,

For they mean so many things,

When I say I love you I mean it,

When I say good bye,

I miss you,         

           

Life is so cruel sometimes,

Even when you don’t want it to,

Life is like outer space,

You never know what will happen next.

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

This is interesting. I think I understand the interpretation in relation to the title - you are talking about "space" as distance in a relationship which has grown cold and distant. It's a nice metaphor, as not only is space a cold and lonely place, as you point out at the end, you can be drifting along in peace when you suddenly get hit by a meteorite! I'm not sure about "my words at great", was that supposed to read "are great"? Overall this is an honest, direct, and concise poem, but it could perhaps use developing as it is a little simplistic. Nice write though.

[.shalynn.009.]

"My words at great," Did you mean "My words are great"? If not, I'm not sure what you meant by this.

"For they mean so many things,
When I say I love you I mean it," This seems like a contradiction. First you say your words mean different things, then you say when you speak these words, that's what they mean.

"Life is so cruel sometimes,
Even when you don’t want it to," This is kind of nitpicky, but based on the first line of this excerpt, the second line should be "Even when you don't want it to be"

Other than that, this pooem wasn't bad. You had a good metaphor with the outer space thing, but it feels a little...unfinished, as though you didn't really get into the metaphor, just touched on it and left it at that. I would have liked more with the idea, more comparison. Maybe if you made the poem longer. But that's obviously just a suggestion, and feel free to do what you feel is right. I think it's a good idea, though.

[Coyote Poetry]

Last line in this poem is fact. We never know what will happen in a life. Sometime we may get lucky or be tossed to the road like a bag of trash. Woman will be the best and worst days of a life. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[MandaBear]

wow this is beautiful an its true i like the last line "life is like outter space, you never know what will happen"

[M.Babu]

There were some good lines in there, but i was a bit puzzled about the relevance to the title. But i liked how it felt quite real and was disjointed showing your confusion about her. Overall...a nice poem. Keep refining your writing--->M.Mwachofi's opinion

[freelancejouster]

this is a pretty little poem, filled with disconnected thoughts.
"even when you don't want it to" doesn't quite seem like a full thought... and how is life like outerspace?

[(Loveless)]

wow this is beautiful an its true i like the last line "life is like outter space, you never know what will happen" well last lines but yh it somes it up pretty gud. I hope u keep up the gud writing =)

[Lindsey]

This is a really good poem has a nice amount of emotion and I like the way it's put togeather.