His

I love a challenge. This was for a contest with a lot of rules. I believe I followed them all, though there was a little confusion over one of them so I did the best I could to compensate.

His
*
I am hearing the one that I love on the line.
His voice, though miles away, sounds so close in my ear.
I am fearing of losing the signal this time.
I stand still so not to create what I fear.
*
Try as I must, his lips I cannot reach today.
His travels have stolen his kisses and his touch.
My hugs cannot reach him when he�s this far away.
Do his empty arms know that mine miss him so much?
*
Being without him in the morning has its perks.
He can�t depend on me for his food or his drink.
There�s a half pot too much of the coffee that perks.
I crack too many eggs in the pan by instinct.
*
Seeing my love is possible in this day and age.
Our phones communicate through video and pics.
But my eyes are not fooled by the moving glass cage.
They starve like an addict who is craving their fix.
*
Last night I caught his scent and my mind didn�t know.
He was back in my arms and I held him as one.
As I woke to reality with his pillow,
His half of the bed lay there empty in the sun.
*
Past times came to mind when I reasoned to worry.
The sense of danger beheld me for a moment.
Then peace found my soul and slowed down the hurry.
My heart found its pace and then my mind felt content.
*
This voice I hear is my love and I know he�s true.
You, being a stranger, might ask how I know this.
If you knew all of the things that we both have been through.
You�d know for sure that he is mine and I am his.
*
I hear his voice on the line. I am filled with bliss.
But his body and kisses and hugs I still miss.
**
**
**
M.J.S.
1-5-08

Author's Note

Here were the rules that I was to follow:
"7 stanzas 4 lines each with an addtional couplet total lines then should be 30
12 syllables long lines

long short vowel sound. (you either start long or short the choice is yours)

okay now here's the tricky part you still with me.

The first word you use will ryhme or can be the same word for the next stanza only if it's a homonym.

The first word of the third and fourth stanzas have to rhyme or be a homonym.

The first word of the fith and sixth stanzas have to rhyme or be homonyms.

The seventh stanza has to ryhme or be homonym with the first word of the second line of the entire poem or in other words be the first word of the second line of the first stanza.

The first line should rhyme with the third. The second with the fourth. That's how all Stanzas should be.

The first five stanza have to deal with the five sense. The order of the senses doesn't matter. The sixth sense is optional extra points if tried.

The first stanza also must present a problem or worry. The seventh stanza will then answer this but not completly because the couplet will expande on the problem.

I think it's hard enough well good luck to those that try."

Reviews

[L.G. Knight]

I am still working on my piece it's difficult I give you Kudos times a million that you could get it done so quickly or at least in my opinion Wonderful job too! Absolutely stunning work!

~Frances~

[S.E. Conway]

wow... so i found this through that contest. i got dizzy half way thought the rules. this is an amazing work of writting. i hope and sincerly think you will win this contest ^.^ good luck

[~crazy Beautiful~]

Very beautiful visual poetry
I could feel your emotions as I read this piece
I especially loved this stanza
"Try as I must, his lips I cannot reach today.
His travels have stolen his kisses and his touch.
My hugs cannot reach him when he's this far away.
Do his empty arms know that mine miss him so much"
Nice work
Thank you for entering my contest

[lori c]

well done. this is such a smooth read, and the images and circumstances are natural and unforced. i am still trying to wend my way through the rules to this one, so bravo. i was captured in the moments and satisfied with the ending. reach around with your right hand, and pat yourself on the left shoulder for creating a fine work.

[WriterInside07]

WOW! GOOD FOR YOU! BRAVO!(LOUD APPLAUSE IS HEARD)-You did it as far as I am concerned. My eyes got blurry just reading the instructions! You are a writer like a studio musician is a 'musician extraordinaire'-no matter what you are given you can write to it-So it goes with studio musicians-to quote a line of my own.."I know a man with a harp to blow, anything you can play he knows where to go.." that's you-no matter the parameters you 'know where to go'. The best part of your poem?-It's coherent. A complete capture of a full moment in time. We went there with you and came back again through all of our senses...excellent...

[J.K. (Not Rowling)]

Great job following all those rules, I know that they were not easy. The only one that may be a little off is in the last two lines: "with an additional couplet" which should be two lines that rhyme. That should be relatively easy to fix if you so desire. You have some great imagery and you weren't forcing the "5 senses" requirement; it flowed naturally with the thoughts. I'm impressed with the direction you took on this poem as it's always nice to see what different people do given the same set of parameters. Nicely done, and I'm definitely going to read a lot more of your work. :)

[Brenda Sue]

Wonderfully written. Very good read. Great job.

[Angel Bird]

Wow! What a brilliant job you did despite that immense mass of rules. Indeed a wonderful work. It is an easy read and it gives itself a very good rythmic. The topic is clear and well developed with the rhythm along the lines.
Marvelous work. Looking forward to an other one of yours.