VALENTINE

                        VALENTINE

 

Venus has nothing on what you give me.

At any moment my heart could explode.

Lips so kissable, that if mine were free. 

Eventually, they’d leave, to find your abode.  

Never before, have I felt love this pure.

To have fell this far was a surprise. 

I’m sick in love and you are the cure.

Now I never want to close my eyes.

Even though I know that isn’t wise.

 

 

                       M.J.S.

Reviews

[*~Poetic_Essence~*]

I love that u incorporate rhyming words in between the lines...this is a cute Valentine contribution i am wondering if this is for a contest of some kind..? but anyways i love the part about the lips leaving to find the other person..lol that made me laugh a lil but the thought is somewhat true..I am sick in love and you are the cure, that is relatable, b/c i think i may know that feeling all too well right now..Someone on here once told me that "We should Stand in love rather than Fall" i am trying to use his advice..because i like the sound of having control over it..falling seems so helpless and dependent..but standing to me says i am here take me as i am..anyways b/4 this becomes a short novel, lol..i really enjoyed the read...
Well From One Word-Play Poet To The Next...Always Remember To Write With Your Heart!

s~Shanty~s

[angelina neves]

sweet valentine! Lovely!

[James K. Blaylock]

Wonderful work!

jkb

[Ivory]

Very creative acrostic piece. I liked the flow.
Good write : )

[Juliet Forshaw]

I liked this poem, very romantic "Lips so kissable, that if mine were free. Eventually, they'd leave, to find your abode. " and wonderful imagery in this line.

[Anne Martin]

It's a good poem, but has the problem that I find in most acrostics. It doesn't flow through the acrostic. The reader shouldn't really even notice that it is there. Each line is a sentence, and that means it stops. I suggest that you try to break them up to run right through the break.

[Brianna Brie]

Never before, have I felt love this pure.
To have fell this far was a surprise.
I'm sick in love and you are the cure.

Yikes!!! I know the feeling and for me it is the worst. Hope your love brings happiness instead of heartbreak. Great acrostic and wonderful introduction to your poetry.

[Tania Leigh]

I'll have to thank Gabe for sending this to me.....I love acrostics, and this one is very good.

It's a "here's- my- heart- on- the- table- come- what- may" kind of write.....true, raw feelings with no apologies. Excellent.

The last line added a dimension of mystery......why isn't is wise? That could be interpreted in several ways, which leaves the reader pondering them. Great poem here!

[Emily B]

I love this! Great acrostic.

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Oh, that is wonderful! Venus ain't got nothing! Don't believe the hype.

I am still tired and turning in "slacker reviews."

Great write!

-Gabe

[George Love]

Well planned, well thought out and well written acrostic. This is a true writing from the heart.