Freckles And Lace

A poem about a boy's first date and an embarrassing incident but the girl's reaction makes everything better!

He was nervous as all get out
The night of his very first date
His palms were oh so sweaty
As he walked up to her gate.

At the low-budget horror movie
He had a massive Jumbo Coke
His mouth was dry as dirt
And he thought he just might choke.

On to the pizza parlor
Where they split a sausage pie
He drank a large root beer
Trying to avoid her blue eyes.

He had talked to her a lot
At school and on the phone
He knew he was being way too shy
He couldn't get into the "zone".

Ordering a sweet tea
And gulping it down real quick
She asked him what was wrong
Why'd he look so sick?

Rushing from the table
His bladder began to swim
Bursting through the bathroom door
He felt his chances might be slim.

Tugging at his zipper
In front of the urinal cake
He was horrified to watch
The metal teeth just break.

Frantically he fumbled
Gave a pull and yank
As he felt the warm sensation
His heavy heart just sank.
The stain could not be hidden
Especially from the girl
He had really liked her
Those beautiful eyes and curls.

He had to get it over
Needed to end this date
It wasn't meant to be
And probably just fate.

Seeing his flushed red face
And then noticing the jeans
She said, "Zipper malfunctions
Can really cause a scene."

Watching the compassionate smile
That fell upon her pretty face
He knew God has chosen this angel
Sweetness, freckles and lace.

 

Author's Note

Please give an overall review on this poem. Thank you!

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved the poem. Nice journey and thoughts. A perfect date.
"Watching the compassionate smile
That fell upon her pretty face
He knew God has chosen this angel
Sweetness, freckles and lace. "
I liked the above lines. Myself, I did liked the freckles beauties. Thank you Melissa for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[MelissaAndres]

I had tons of freckles when I was a lot younger so I put that into my poem, remembering how awkward my very first date was. Freckles and lace seemed to soften the blow somewhat. Glad you liked it.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did. I have found in my youth. Auburn or Red hair girls like to laugh and have fun. And you are welcome.

[Celie Rose]

I enjoyed reading your poem. The shyness, anxiety, his assumption and then the compassion. "Watching the compassionate smile That fell upon her pretty face He knew God has chosen this angel." Well written. Keep writing.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Celie Rose!

[TL Boehm]

whimsical, light and very funny. Funny is harder than many think - especially when you're working with rhymed poetry but this one made me laugh out loud! Well done.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, TL. I am glad I could make you laugh. It means a lot to me! :)

[annalysiar]

Just amazing once again
great message, and story line.

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, annalysiar! Once again, I appreciate your kindness.

[Mister T.]

How recognizable, the tension of the first date xD
This nicely expresses the message: "You shouldn't do more than just be yourself if you've found the love of your life." Great that you described it in a funny way, though. Love it :)
Good job!

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you, Mister T. I appreciate you reading and commenting!

[wordman]

a funny and sweet write ! i guess that nervousness got the best of him

[MelissaAndres]

Oh yes, nerves can do strange (and embarrassing) things to us!

[ANTO]

Such a sweet tale and delivered with your usual style and flawless rhythm Melissa. The poor guy. lol.

[MelissaAndres]

Oh, thank you, Anto. What a nice thing to say. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

[emmajoy]

Your writing, your use of words is just marvellous, Melissa! How you manage to retain meter and still tell a masterful story, just don't know but fully admire. Your male character is such a darling, has all the charm of a would-be Casanova in spite of that not completely unexpected outcome.. literally! You've certainly started something with the couple, methinks that just maybe she might become the one for him... freckles, lace and all!

Remind me to tell you privately about the use of a stapler!

[MelissaAndres]

Thank you for your kind words, emmajoy! I don't feel as if I deserve them but I am very appreciative! And, now you MUST tell me about the stapler. I have a feeling it's either a funny or a horror story!!

[emmajoy]

Um..er.. I imagine it was both, Melissa! And true.

[alifeacoustic]

Ah, hopefully his wardrobe malfunction was seen as not an everyday occurrence and she was kind enough to see that, but if it was me, I'd have no doubt been laughed at and made to walk home :)

[MelissaAndres]

I think the girl had compassion on him and forgave the mishap but, as for me, I don't know if I would have been as cool about it. It may have freaked me out! Haha!

[Samuel Dickens]

With all of his clumsiness and fumbling about, this poor fellow sounds like he must've studied my moves. (Oh, noooo!) Somehow, perhaps with a bit of Cupid's help, he may have gotten himself a little kiss before the date ended. Sitting with my girl at the movies once, a guy called me out to go fight him in the alley, and I obliged. Sweaty, bruised and soiled when I came back and sat with her, she didn't seem to mind one bit. (I need to put that in one of my stories)

[MelissaAndres]

You should! I would read it! I only had two guys ever fight over me in my lifetime .. come to find out later neither one of them were worth actually worth sticking with. Such is life. I think the characters in my little story though may have a future together. :)