The Cloud Goddess

The Cloud Goddess

A Story by Mip/John K. Brierley

The story of the skies failed revenge.

There was once a time when my world was clean. When this nymph of the clouds would just float around and occasionally thunder and rain.
But then the humans found coal.
They contaminated us, making us sick and black.
I was queen and I allowed this to happen.
But then I met an elemental.
He called himself the cleanser.
He gave me power in exchange for clean skies. I agreed easily.
How foolish I was.
If I had known in the beginning the price of that bargain, I would've said no.
He gave me power over water, down to the molecules. I never seen him again. But I used his power with a passion.
I drowned the humans who damaged my air. I destroyed their cities, their towns, their villages, even their stupid monuments.
After they were all dead, I enjoyed peace and the slow healing of the skies.
But then my world joined the unimensions by force. War was started once more. I used my loyal subjects as an army, for not even I could cover all the angles.
Eventually, I ventured out into the unimensions, cleaning its air one cloud at a time.
I eventually faced opposition forces that could actually make things difficult.
One was a wizard with a water elemental of his own. He may not have drowned, but I crushed him in the end.
Then there was Jacob Deatrix.
That black haired, emerald eyed b*****d. He had power of another kind.
He destroyed my armies with ease. He broke them, melted them, froze, cut, squeezed, shot, and beat them to a pulp like they were flies.
Jacob was an opponent. A worthy opponent. There was a time Jacob simply toyed with me.
But then I attacked a world he was attached to.
He chased me through the unimensions till I was back home.
Then he locked me and my home away from the unimensions. I was glad for that. He thinks for some reason that he can reason with me to stop killing so he can unlock my prison.
He can't beat me. I can't beat him. We're equals. But sometimes I feel if we ever fought to the death, I'd die. Jacob has passion. And he doesn't feel like dying.
He visits once a month to see if I've changed my mind. I respond to his questions with hurricanes.
One day though, I'll escape this place and cleanse the world. I don't care for these losses. I'll finish the job I started.
Don't question that. I will be free. And you will die. All you humans will.

© 2013 Mip/John K. Brierley

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It's a good story. I would focus more on the humans though maybe, throw in a bit more detail into the suffering that the cloud goddess gives them in return. Go more in depth about this being revenge, or a lesson, or something like that. Maybe say she meant to send a message but go so caught up in it that she accidentally killed them all. I think you can add more depth, thats my overall comment.

Posted 5 Years Ago

Mip/John K. Brierley

5 Years Ago

I plan on making a part two at some point much longer but must first lay down some groundwork with o.. read more

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Added on September 7, 2013
Last Updated on September 7, 2013
Tags: Unimensions


Mip/John K. Brierley
Mip/John K. Brierley

Deadville, IL

I'm a writer with big ideas and no motivation to put them down. Hopefully you don't mind younger me's writing cause compared to current me's, it's ramen noodles. more..