The Whole Bottle

A short story about a girl who wanted to be center stage forever.

            Do it. Do it now. No one will care, take the whole bottle. There’s no going back now, gulp it down. They’ll be sorry, don’t back out now. Do it.

           

 

Why did I do it? My life was perfect. My parents loved me, they got me everything I ever wanted, so why wasn’t I happy? I can’t move. My friends were nice and they cared about me, but I hate them. Why do I hate them? I can’t breathe. My clothes were nice, and I was happy, but it was never enough. I wish I could see my mistakes the way I do now, things would have been so much easier. It’s too late now, I took the whole bottle. I want to live.

            I can see it now, I was awful. I always thought I was depressed, I thought I was alone, abused, broken, but deep down I knew well enough that I was just a brat. I remember feeling annoyed, so very annoyed. Call 911. I wasn’t annoyed at my grades, they were perfect. I wasn’t mad at my friends or family, they were really nice to me. I was mad at me. I was mad at myself.  for being so boring, I felt like just another number in the crowd. Just relax and breathe. I was for that matter. I had the typical house, the typical face, the typical hair, and the typical life. That was the problem; I didn’t want to be typical. Get up, get up. I wanted to be special. The world is a stage, but I wanted to be the main character. I wanted all the lines, all the excitement, all the applause. I don’t want to die.

            I’ve been doing it as long as I can remember. I would come up with a fake secret, something juicy, easy to fake, preferably something that no one can prove wrong. Lots of times I faked mental things, and no one could tell I was lying. I want a second chance. More than that though, I would believe it. I would convince myself it was true, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. There were some people who could tell it was a fake, and I hated them. I didn’t want to remember I was just plain. Please, someone. Just plain old me. Help me. I can’t breathe. Now I want nothing more than to be plain old me.

I suppose I could’ve gotten attention in a healthier way, but that never felt the same to me. When you would release a big dirty secret everyone would all of a sudden notice you, they’d all be talking about you. You had center stage. Mom? Dad?  Soon it started to wear off, people started to realize I was faking, I hated them for it. In no time, nobody cared about any of my dirty secrets. I had to get worse and worse secrets every time or else no one would care. Drama is like a drug, I guess. Anyone? People start to become immune to it, then they need more of it each time to get the same affect. That’s how I got here. Please.

I needed attention, people weren’t noticing me. I started slitting my wrists. It hurts. I told a few choice people, and they cared. I was all they could talk about. I was happy. Soon it wore off, faster than my lies have ever worn off before, even though this one was the worst. I want a second chance. I wore black, acted depressed, but no one cared. I was like the boy who cried wolf. So I decided I needed a grand finale. I knew this would cause them to never stop talking about me, I would be forever on center stage. I took the whole bottle.

            I wish I could go back, more than anything. I want a second chance, I want to do it over, I’ll be better this time. I know now that it’s a gift just to live! Just keep breathing. I was awful. I demanded all my friends’ attention but never gave them any in return. My parents did everything for me, yet I hated them for no reason! Isn’t anyone there? Why did I do this? WHY? I could’ve helped people, I could’ve gotten married! I’m terrible, I faked disease and problems when there were people in the world who really did have those problems. I want to go back, I want a second chance! Somebody? Anybody?

 

Death is supposed to be painless, easy. It’s not. You fight till the end to go back, but it’s too late. I can’t breathe. I don’t want to die.  

  

 

 

 

               

 

Author's Note

This is my first story on this site. I hope you enjoyed.