How To Exorcise A Demon

          1. You know you can’t still live with him. Why should you try? Don’t think we all don’t know the standard excuses:

-Cheaper rent.

-Good home security.

-Cool stories to tell at parties.

-Insights into the afterlife through philosophical babbling.

          But you know that this is really hurting you. What will it take before you realize that Gressil, Phil, or Beelzebub is just using you? Yes the parties you throw at your apartment are the best but when it comes time for cleanup where is this creature of the damned? He’s taken the form of your boyfriend and is in the bed you used to share. If one of your mortal friends did such a thing they would be out on the street so fast their heads would be unintentionally spinning.

          The first step to recovery is always admitting that there’s a problem.

          2. You need to prepare for the confrontation. Demons are known to revert to their natural form when confronted, usually two stories high with arm the size of Buicks. You wont be getting your safety deposit back when their horns stab through the floor of the apartment above you. These are just examples but the real deciding factor in choosing a location is knowing what element they use for battle and try to plan accordingly. Good places for confrontation are:

-At sea for fire.

-The desert for water.

-Near a volcano for ice.

-Also somewhere private if the Demon manages to stay in human form.

          And don’t worry about lingering feelings. The Demon knows he’s bad and will understand a desire to not hang around them. Also make sure that there’s nothing of value in reach including:

-Friends.

-Family.

-Your insecurities and your fear of being alone.

          Also make a list of everything the Demon has done to you over the months, years or decades so as not to weaken your resolve.

          3. Actual confrontation. Asking them to leave is simply not enough. This isn’t just for you. You need to insure they know all the pain that you’ve been through. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know how your Demon will react. So wing it. As long as you stay strong you win. Fight!

          4. Post break up confrontation. This is the hardest step. This is the Demon’s part of the confrontation. It will start as soon as you start to pack it’s things. You’ll see souvenirs that the Demon hasn’t had up in years. You will begin to see the Demon as the dopey kid you met two years ago while in line at Safeway. Don’t fall for it. Don’t throw away your list of flaws. Don’t counteract the list of flaws with a list of pros. It’s not worth it. Stay strong.

          You’ll see him again at the video store. He will be checking out a copy of that movie Juno. You’ll remember going to that advance screening for it at the Embarcadero Theater. You still wear the free t-shirt you got from it as pajamas. You want to wave to him and see how he’s doing. Don’t. It’s a trap. Yes you had a good time that night but it was also the last good night you two had together. You need to hide. Duck behind the comedy aisle and wait until he walks out the door

Reviews

[Moonblade]

I really liked this short story. It shed humor on an often trying and heart-breaking time in a person's life, and maybe would give some people the strength and resolve to do what must be done at times. A confirmation of what a person already knows to be necessary, even. Excellently done.

[charlotte talley]

pretty good, i understood it. we do need to expell our demons for once and for all.