Destiny

"Kaira had cut her hand, Ajay, please come." Tia requested while sobbing.

"Ok, I will reach soon",  answered shocked Ajay.

Kaira was returning to her conscious state. Her mother was fondling Kaira's forehead with her hand, but Kaira was not even looking at her. In fact, her eyes were searching her father, Ajay. He appeared in the room rushing and called her,' Kaira, my baby, how are you? how is your hand ? is it still paining? let me ask the doctor ...."

      "Wait, Papa. Take a breath and be with me for the moment. Right now I need you. I wanna talk to you, share gossips with you, hear to you, pamper me Papa and do all those for me that a father does for her daughter, Papa."Kaira said huskily.

"Kaira, your father is getting late, " said Tia. But Ajay didn't want to leave her daughter in such situation and said in the harsh voice "No, I'm not .at least not today." 

         "See mom, He isn't. So let us be alone for an hour'

      "Ok," said Tia and slams the door.

         This was the moment that began between both father and his little princess, resulting in lots of gossips to be shared, laughing, cracking jokes and serving pieces of fruit cut on a plate, to each other." Ah! it's been a long hour, dear. You take rest and let me leave you now" said Ajay.

" No ! not so easily. Promise me that you will visit me tomorrow"

  Ok, let me leave now" They bid goodbye.

        As soon as Ajay left the room, dark silence broke out and Kiara again lost in her world.Her life have not been like any ordinary life of a child. She had faced many turns in her life. She observes her parents fighting almost each day, they meet and she is fade up of this. Her parents had moved on in their life and she now lives with her mother, but her attachment towards her father is more.

             Ajay met his daughter once a week and that too not at home. On many requests, Ajay was permitted to receive  Kaira from the school and drop her at home. It was the only time poor "father - daughter" shared only once in a week. Ajay would bring the delicious chocolates that Kaira loved very much.

     It wasn't that Kaira does not love her mother; she shared a special bond with her mother too; dancing with her, playing with her, having the meal together in one plate....all sorts of beautiful moments both shared.

         Though both loved their daughter very much but can't unite. Destiny never lets them unite or, say, they, themselves never want to unite. This lets Kaira adopt a big step towards death,  trying to destroy her life.

Author's Note

This is the first time I wrote a story .Please let me know whether it was good or bad...or too bad.

Reviews

[Psychotic Lily]

I love your poems, but when it comes to stories I get really fussy (on almost everyone who sends read requests for stories. But I like stories more than poems)

Poems cannot be reviewed like there's something wrong with it since it's like the author's pure emotion wrought out from their heart. They're beautiful in any form but for stories there's a lot of things into consideration for it to be loved by the reader... so don't hate me for this.

First is that you have to revise this. There are a lot of grammar mistakes and spellings. Try reading it aloud and you'll know something's not right. Another thing would be the choice of words... like... fondling. Fondling means to caress lovingly OR EROTICALLY. And most people would think of the latter meaning so it's better to use caress instead.

Next would be how you would describe the scene put more emotion into the characters like what do they feel. But you should show the readers and not just tell them, like instead of saying Ajay was shocked describe how shock he was, what did that shock felt, whet was th look on his face when he heard the news something like that. And show instances why she didn't like her mother so much she wanted to commit suicide. (I got confused, are her parents divorced?)

Lastly would be the dialogue they should be improved. Most of them are good but some just doesn't sound right for example "Kaira, your father is getting late" it's better if it's "Kiara your father is going to be late for work".

Basically that's all other than that it's already a good first draft. Just keep on reading and revising it

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much ,dear.....in another try, i'm really gonna improve my mistakes.

[Prashant Bajpai]

surely i know you will

[Prashant Bajpai]

it is really good and the best feeling are expressed of father and daughter

[Priyanshi]

Yeah, the bond is really special ...thank you Prashant for your kind review and visit.

[wordman]

this is a great story,will be a great book

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much, friend...am glad that you loved it...thank you once again for your kind visit and review.

[wordman]

always a pleasure

[Pravir]

Needs an applaud for your frst story. . . . its great effort . well i love to read and write stories . the plot was a very realistic one . . . i know you will improve. Just keep on writing and sharing . . i have read your poems (though i love stories more) and you have your own way to express things . . . i will wait for ur upcoming writes especially ur nxt story . . .

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much for your kind review....since it was my first try .....practicing more and more will improve me... I'm gonna improve it...
Yeah for sure , i'm preparing next story too, and on the way to edit it...
thanks again for your appreciating words.

[Sofia]

Beautiful!! I loved this story...it was way too adorable...the father daughter bond was amazing...its really sad tht the girl couldn't meet her father... beautifully penned dear...and the emotions well portrayed...i really loved this write...it was a wonderful read..thnx for sharing...😊

[Priyanshi]

Thank you, Sofia for your kind review.... Well, that's a motivating review for me... thanks once again.

[Sofia]

My pleasure!!

[Zephyr]

Children who miss the love of their parents take dangerous steps to earn their time.
Your story portrayed it really well. It was a shock to read the climax.
You have made a good start in story writing.
Keep up the good work, dear:)

[Priyanshi]

aww! so sweet of you , Neetha. Thank you so so so much, friend.

[Zephyr]

My pleasure:)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

this is a wonderful story....and i really love the way you mentioned the father daughter bond...and that's true you know...many daughters and fathers love each other a lot and i just love every line...wonderfully penned!

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much , Wajiha ....for the appreciation , dear. I'm glad to know that you liked it.

[Wajiha Nayeem]

my pleasure...

[Farhan Shaikh]

Very good story, i enjoyed this .

[Priyanshi]

Thank you ,Farhan for your kind visit....glad to know that u enjoyed it.

[Farhan Shaikh]

Your welcome

[Surya]

A very first story of your's but you did some magic in here as it doesn't look like first one....no flaws to point, everyone improves by days....and I better know the pain, I miss my father desperately....
Finely laid, it's emotional....and one thing you have your own voice do keep it up....
I loved the story and the way you described...Honestly I loved it....:)

[Priyanshi]

Thank you so much, Surya.....here, your review inspires me to write more stories ....afterall, practicing more makes one perfect ....thanks once again for the appreciation.

[Surya]

Practice and patience carves even a stone...what we are compared to stones?...
Hope to see more writes from you..hahah..
It's my pleasure..:)

[Priyanshi]

Totally agree with you...preparing for next story...hahaha .Your visit is my pleasure too.

[Surya]

Good luck Priyanshi....do your best..:)

[Priyanshi]

Thank you....so much.

[Abhishek Asthana]

I am bound to disbelieve you that it was the very first time you have written a story...I guess this was the compliment for you... coming to your story, it's an emotional write... I am sympathize with the characters you have portrayed in this... it's legal authorities which created a barrier between loved ones but who has chosen them, the parents only... incredible piece of work... great job done :)

[Priyanshi]

Really your review is huge compliment for me...Thank you sooo much Abhishek for that..I'm too glad to know that somewhere the story is good....It really hurts a child when his parents separate. Thank you once again.