The soul that disobeyed

The soul that disobeyed

A Poem by Ria Carol
"

The poem describes the joyful soul of a person that has run away from its owner. The owner is frustrated and demands it to come back, well the rest is easy to figure out...right?

"
To the lost and found we go,
just to find my merry soul.
Perhaps beneath all the layers,
lies my poor soul somewhere.

"Lost and scared somewhere it lies,
the merry soul that made me die.
Again! again! it screamed out loud,
as it made me go on a scout."

A million years have gone away,
searching for that soul...that lay somewhere 
Come here, come now!
I proclaimed, yet my merry soul didn't obey.



© 2016 Ria Carol



Author's Note

Ria Carol
Please excuse any mistakes...all reviews/criticism are welcome...please feel free to do so...

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Reviews

Loved the title Ria, I can relate to concept of your someway... For the last couple of months I was out of inspiration, the happy soul that I had before was lost from it's real place, I looked for it in many places but sadly I couldn't find it... Then a week ago it has returned again to it's place and I am full of happiness yet again... That's the only difference from your poem and my real life now... Very well done sweet frnd...

The structure and the presentation was fabulous...

Sincerely
Dhiman

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much, Dhiman you help me more than i could ever ask for :)
Take out the comma after "Again! again! ....."

"Lost and scared somewhere it lies,
the merry soul that made me die.
Again! again! it screamed out loud,
as it made me go on a scout."


Other than these small mistakes this was beautiful!! Nice work!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Thank you...i will do :)
Clever, clever concept and write. Kind of a game of hide and seek the rediscovery of spirit, no:)

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Yup...a journey to find lost happiness. :)
Well that is something new to me- the soul runs away from the owner. Your tone is amusing and engaging. You go to the lost and found to search for your soul, you proclaim it, but it doesn't obey. Repetition of 'merry soul' is quite lovely. I can imagine all of it, a person loses his soul, he goes out looking for it, urges it to return, but the soul doesn't obey. Quite a good piece. Keep writing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much, the poem was meant to give the feel that the person who is searching his soul..is.. read more
I like the theme,it's really nice.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Thank you...I'm glad you did
A lovely concept. Searching for that merry soul that is hiding somewhere since a million years. Hopefully you will find it soon.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reviewing it...hopefully that day will come :)
Love the title!!! I hope she encounters soon an obedient soul one day!!! :p

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

I hope that too... thank you :)
I really like the concept here. Really neat.
I've read about lost souls but not runaway souls.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

I thought it would be a twist to the entire concept...thank you
Ria Carol

1 Year Ago

The concept of the runaway soul...was to emphasise the fact that the merry soul has left the body on.. read more

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8 Reviews
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Added on April 21, 2016
Last Updated on April 23, 2016
Tags: joy, irony

Author

Ria Carol
Ria Carol

Bangalore, India



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I know Im a lot of work in progress bear with me :) more..

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