the Rat

I wrote this for the competition "Sun Poisoned".

-It was nothingness. Pure emptiness... An absence felt as much as seen. It was an irreplaceable hole where nothing would ever fit again...
It was loss.-

The man mused on the gaping hole where his heart had been as he tediously wound the coil of rope, braiding the many strands with an air of a person who worked just so he could be distracted.

-Of course, the distractions never helped... The always present emptiness would overcome him in the midst of work and send him into a far-sighted gaze as he imagined different scenarios, different outcomes of the tragedy that caused his internal agony.-

The man wrapped the now coiled rope loosely around his arm and stood, rotating his shoulder blades so as to stretch out the kinks. He rolled his head back and looked up at the out-of-reach rafters above him. A small frown creased his forehead as a rodent the size of his hand darted along the wooden beam, carrying a tuft of hay in its mouth for its nest.

-At least the rodent had a family. At least its nest would never be empty. With innumerable children, how could a rodent like the rat get lonely? How would it ever feel that hole with no bottom?-

With a muttered curse the man placed his rope around his shoulder and went for his ladder, planning to set it up so he could reach the thick beam above him.

-The hole was always gaping, always ready to consume sanity and leave only a bloody, broken shell in its wake. It was like a fresh wound, or an eternal burn. Whatever was hard to heal, that's exactly what it was.
A f*****g depressive nuisance. Probably the most helpless feeling possible.-

Dragging the ladder behind him, the man set it up directly before the beam and scaled the tall contraption, ignoring the feel of vertigo that always accompanied a swift ascent on the ladder. Once at the highest point on the ladder, at least the highest safest point, he looked around for the rodent, using one hand to brace himself. He found that he could see beady black eyes watching him intently from behind a cross beam, and he was sure those eyes were the eyes of that wretched rodent. Without conscious thought, the man began to knot the rope on the thick rafter beam, glaring at the rat.

-Judging, of course. Thinking how silly the human tying a knot looked. The stupid beast had probably never even felt heartbreak. It probably doesn't even remember its children or its first mate. The stupid beast should die and be done with it.-

With his knot tied the man finally looked down at the ground below him, and he felt a rising panic in his chest. He'd never been afraid of heights before, so the fear was new to him. Some part of his mind told him it was a fear of death, but he arrogantly told himself it was just the knowledge of a painful fall that caused his broken heart to throb and his eyes to flinch.

-It'd be just peachy if broken bones joined a shattered heart, after all.-

With a deep breath the man kicked his ladder out from below him, sending it tumbling to the ground and putting him into a free fall but for the rope securely knotted around his neck and the beam.

The fall seemed to take an eternity, yet it was over too fast. With a painful jerk the rope snapped taut, breaking his neck and numbing any other pain. As his eyes darkened, the man's thoughts turned on to the cause of it all.

His wife was in the front passenger seat, his daughter curled in the back, deep asleep. He was driving, leaning forward in the seat of his Volkswagen, his eyes glued to the road. He shot sly glances at his wife next to him, making sure she was asleep so he could bring the silver flask of liquid to his lips and take quick swigs...

Really, either his poor attention to the road or his surreptitious swigs could have contributed to the catastrophe... But no matter what the cause was, he knew he was at fault...

And now he could see them, his wife and daughter, and they would live their eternity together...


The rat only watched as the man killed himself in his guilt and pain... Feeling nothing but curiosity.

Author's Note

The paragraphs that start and end with "-" are the thoughts of the nameless man.

Reviews

[Karel]

I'd have to agree that it would be far better written in a normal structure, but you must understand that I am not writing from any time of PC. I'm using my phone. I was not sure how it would have turned out, having been written like this, and I would have loved to write it with a far better structure. I even wanted to you italics and bolds, but I was unable to remember how, or else you'd be seeing a far better short story.

About the over-played despair: I intended for that. I wanted it to be dramatic and consuming.

[hhoosh]

A little bit overt in the despair field, and too-far in the sensational realm, but overall not bad.

I do have to ask; why is it structured like this? It would be far more enjoyable if it was written with a regular style.