Ages & Archons
A Book by Jonathan Lee
 A space opera.  © 2016 Jonathan Lee
Author's Note
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This is a work in progress, that is accordingly subject to change. That being said, I welcome any reviews on the book in its present form.
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Featured Review
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The structure of this fantasy world is quite similar to Star Wars, especially the political organizations (for example, Trade Federation and the Corporate Alliance), though I must give you credit for explaining the physics - such as the influence of different gravities on different world - that is disturbingly lacking in Star Wars. Personally, I find nothing wrong with this franchise being a source of inspiration, for the stories, ideas and settings have a soul of their own.
Although the action in the chapter "Beginning" starts in medias res (not my favourite tool), I liked how you teasingly and slightly broke it with that opening of sorts. I also expected to see that Iqwiloespa by the third chapter, but I guess he will appear somewhere in the middle of the story, so I am going to patiently wait for him.
One more point of prise, I really liked that you developed that world with the inclusion of the Appendixes. They remember me of J. R. R. Tolkien, especially the development of a new language and the "Pronunciation Guide".
While I enjoy your style, I didn't find it quite fitting in the first chapter and part of the second chapter. You bring many notions, settings (three stories), a different language that storms the mind of the reader (and it starts in medias res, even more confusing) that my burdened mind could not focus on words such as "quited", even though it knows what it means. My suggestion would be to keep it a little simpler in the beginning until the reader is immersed in the world, and the political interactions and personal relations become more clear. In the second half of the second chapter I didn't have that problem because I already understood what was going on. I presume your idea was to tease the reader, but that was only partially successful on me because of aforementioned reasons.
One more thing: personally, starting with a fantasy language in the first chapter isn't a problem for me (by the way, why is it absent in the other chapters?), but that might present a problem to readers that are not accustomed to it. I do not know what suggestions I could give you regarding this issue, sorry.
Overall, I liked the story and I will continue to read it. The development of the characters is interesting and compelling. Please do send me a read request when you add new chapters.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
Of course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)
Trying to communicate.. read moreOf course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)
Trying to communicate the web of complex ideas that have been floating around in my head for years is indeed difficult, and I may end up heavily revising the beginning of the story later on for just the reasons you've cited. Part of what I'm trying to pull off with the in media res beginning and different story threads is to tease the reader with some out of context scenes to hopefully generate interest and introduce the central characters and establish the flavor of the world. For instance, we have a taste of the archaic in the opening scene with Shaolu, ending with a taste of cyberpunk at the end of the scene, then we move on to a classic space shootout with Saktefya plus the introduction of AI, and finally we have the Emperor's perspective for some wider perspective on politics. It's a lot of stuff to put out at once, and so I just wanted to try and dive the reader right into the thick of things to give them a sense of what they're in for. The second chapter then begins a slower paced build-up to the start of a war which will occupy the rest of the story, as well as introducing a new character in the midst of battle. Eventually all these character threads are going to converge into one or two narratives as the characters meet.
As far as the language goes, it's absent in the other chapters, as it's only introduced at the very start of the book to communicate to the reader that--unless stated otherwise--the rest of the dialogue is in Ayis. This is why when the militiaman calls out to Saktefya in the second thread of the first chapter, I mention "his Ayis clearly needing some work." I'm not sure how common this convention is, but I borrowed it directly from The Book of Ti'ana--a novel in the Myst trilogy. I do still have names and specialized terms that are all in Ayis, such as the "tiomo" (since it refers to a unique creature that doesn't exist in our own world).
Anyhow, thanks for reading. I've been terribly slow about this work, so I don't know when next I'll have a whole new chapter, but I'm hoping by putting this out there it might motivate me to push through and work on this whole thing more often.
Thanks again :)
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8 Years Ago
P.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic .. read moreP.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic figure (long since dead) who founded the Galactic order that would go on to become the Ayis Empire (the timeline appendix spells that out). There's going to be a revelation about a key character, however, that directly relates to Iqwiloespa but I won't say what that revelation is precisely.
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8 Years Ago
Well, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.
If it.. read moreWell, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.
If it takes weeks, months, it doesn't matter. When you have something I would gladly continue reading it.
Thanks for the clarifications.
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Reviews
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The structure of this fantasy world is quite similar to Star Wars, especially the political organizations (for example, Trade Federation and the Corporate Alliance), though I must give you credit for explaining the physics - such as the influence of different gravities on different world - that is disturbingly lacking in Star Wars. Personally, I find nothing wrong with this franchise being a source of inspiration, for the stories, ideas and settings have a soul of their own.
Although the action in the chapter "Beginning" starts in medias res (not my favourite tool), I liked how you teasingly and slightly broke it with that opening of sorts. I also expected to see that Iqwiloespa by the third chapter, but I guess he will appear somewhere in the middle of the story, so I am going to patiently wait for him.
One more point of prise, I really liked that you developed that world with the inclusion of the Appendixes. They remember me of J. R. R. Tolkien, especially the development of a new language and the "Pronunciation Guide".
While I enjoy your style, I didn't find it quite fitting in the first chapter and part of the second chapter. You bring many notions, settings (three stories), a different language that storms the mind of the reader (and it starts in medias res, even more confusing) that my burdened mind could not focus on words such as "quited", even though it knows what it means. My suggestion would be to keep it a little simpler in the beginning until the reader is immersed in the world, and the political interactions and personal relations become more clear. In the second half of the second chapter I didn't have that problem because I already understood what was going on. I presume your idea was to tease the reader, but that was only partially successful on me because of aforementioned reasons.
One more thing: personally, starting with a fantasy language in the first chapter isn't a problem for me (by the way, why is it absent in the other chapters?), but that might present a problem to readers that are not accustomed to it. I do not know what suggestions I could give you regarding this issue, sorry.
Overall, I liked the story and I will continue to read it. The development of the characters is interesting and compelling. Please do send me a read request when you add new chapters.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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|
8 Years Ago
Of course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)
Trying to communicate.. read moreOf course you would compare it to the dreaded prequels, lol! :)
Trying to communicate the web of complex ideas that have been floating around in my head for years is indeed difficult, and I may end up heavily revising the beginning of the story later on for just the reasons you've cited. Part of what I'm trying to pull off with the in media res beginning and different story threads is to tease the reader with some out of context scenes to hopefully generate interest and introduce the central characters and establish the flavor of the world. For instance, we have a taste of the archaic in the opening scene with Shaolu, ending with a taste of cyberpunk at the end of the scene, then we move on to a classic space shootout with Saktefya plus the introduction of AI, and finally we have the Emperor's perspective for some wider perspective on politics. It's a lot of stuff to put out at once, and so I just wanted to try and dive the reader right into the thick of things to give them a sense of what they're in for. The second chapter then begins a slower paced build-up to the start of a war which will occupy the rest of the story, as well as introducing a new character in the midst of battle. Eventually all these character threads are going to converge into one or two narratives as the characters meet.
As far as the language goes, it's absent in the other chapters, as it's only introduced at the very start of the book to communicate to the reader that--unless stated otherwise--the rest of the dialogue is in Ayis. This is why when the militiaman calls out to Saktefya in the second thread of the first chapter, I mention "his Ayis clearly needing some work." I'm not sure how common this convention is, but I borrowed it directly from The Book of Ti'ana--a novel in the Myst trilogy. I do still have names and specialized terms that are all in Ayis, such as the "tiomo" (since it refers to a unique creature that doesn't exist in our own world).
Anyhow, thanks for reading. I've been terribly slow about this work, so I don't know when next I'll have a whole new chapter, but I'm hoping by putting this out there it might motivate me to push through and work on this whole thing more often.
Thanks again :)
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8 Years Ago
P.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic .. read moreP.S: Iqwiloespa was actually born over 2,000 years before the events of the story and is a historic figure (long since dead) who founded the Galactic order that would go on to become the Ayis Empire (the timeline appendix spells that out). There's going to be a revelation about a key character, however, that directly relates to Iqwiloespa but I won't say what that revelation is precisely.
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|
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8 Years Ago
Well, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.
If it.. read moreWell, the reference from the dreaded prequels is merely with the institutions.
If it takes weeks, months, it doesn't matter. When you have something I would gladly continue reading it.
Thanks for the clarifications.
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Added on February 21, 2016
Last Updated on March 5, 2016
Author
Jonathan LeeTucson, AZ
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