7.Stockholm Syndrome

A few weeks later I sat my brother's down and told them I was leaving, with or without them. One night I sat on my mother's bed and told her we didn't want to live with her anymore, it was one of the hardest things I would ever do, to tell my mother she was be loosing three of her children, but I couldn't stay and continue to be attacked by Steve. When Steve found out he called my father and told him to come and get us that night. It was already late but my father made the 5 hour journey from Kent to Sheffield to come and get us.

As we packed our bags my mother couldn't understand why we had wanted to move, I couldn't tell her the truth and just wanted to be out of there. My Father picked us up in the middle of the night. I said my goodbyes.

Steve was waiting outside by the steps, waiting for us to leave, it was a freezing cold night and pitch black darkness sourounded us. As I walked down the path to my father I turned to Steve and gave him a cuddle. To this day I do not understand why I did this, why did I give this sick excuse of a man a cuddle? As an adult writing this I am angry, fuming with myself, I hate that I had any attachment to him.

I felt so guilty leaving Jess, afterall we made a promise never to leave each other, and to always stay close.

As I settled into my father's home, I was consumed with panic attacks and night terrors. Most nights I would scream in my sleep reliving my childhood. One morning my father had received a call from Steve, he was looking for my Mother. She had left him, picked my youngest brother up from school got on a coach and left. No one knew where she was.
After his phone call I tried calling my mother from my phone only to realise he had deleted her number on my phone before we left Sheffield.

A few days later Steve drove down to my father's looking for my mother, he came in and ordered me to go and say hello to Jessica who was sitting in the car. Even being away from him I was still under his spell, I done what I was told and went to see Jess. Luckily Steve left quite quickly knowing my mother hadn't been there.

My mother eventually got back in touch and we arranged to meet at a busy shopping centre as we shopped my mother asked if there were anything going on back in Sheffield and if Steve had done anything to me. Thats when it all came flooding out and to my relief she believed me. I told her everything. We decided to speak to my father first before contacting the police as it would be upsetting to hear this from the police. Then my mother who was staying in another refuge called the police.

She told me that after we had gone to live with my father, she started to get suspicious because she knew I wouldn't want to live with my father. She said Steve would often lie and say he was going to the bathroom but would pay Jess a visit in her bedroom. She followed him upstairs and listened to him whispering to Jess she couldn't make out exactly what was said but said her gut told her something wasn't right side decided to leave.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

When you tell your one little detail of "Stockholm's Syndrome" it reminds me of my own, that I agonized over for years. My dad knew I hated what he was doing, whereas my sisters had orgasms (they hated themselves for that). Since I hated it, he stopped doing me early, like age 11. For my sisters, it went on until their early 20's. I felt jealous becuz my sisters got all this attention lavished on them, but I got his hard adult-sized fist in my face at every turn, it seemed. I hated myself for wanting his attention. I am so glad to see that your story came out much earlier than mine did & that your mom could give you the attention you needed to feel she believed you completely. You are amazingly brave & honest. I believe telling your story will help many survivors learn to tell their own stories! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie