The House

For a contest.

 

The house stood on a lonely cliff, pale sand stretched out below.

A quiet beach where no one walked, for no one cared to go.

The shack itself was empty and the wood was wearing thin.

Wind whistled through the broken glass and chilled the rooms within.

 

The house was lonely, for once there was life within,

It’s heart, the people, who lived their lives in him.

The people, they laughed, they fought, they bled,

His heart enjoyed every moment without dread.

 

He loved his heart, but did his heart love him?

The people no longer there, why’d they leave him?

 

Was it because others called his heart names?

They threw rocks and his heart could only brace

Itself, as it coiled in bundles, afraid to leave,

Until one night when he fell asleep, his heart pack up its griefs

 

And left.

 

The boards in the house began to chill,

For it knew no other would come near his hill.

 

The house could not cry, for his heart left,

The house could not laugh, for his heart left,

The house could not rage, for his heart left,

So the house quietly sat there, his heart bereft.   

 

The house did not stir, when the others came over

To scare the children about the Witch and her lover.

He did not understand such things, only emotions,

So when they threw rocks at him, he made no motion.

 

The house stood on a lonely cliff, pale sand stretched out below.

A quiet beach where no one walked, for no one cared to go.

The shack itself was empty and the wood was wearing thin.

Wind whistled through the broken glass and chilled the rooms within.

Reviews

[Gray]

I'm not sure who 'he' is?

These lines are odd--Until one night when he fell asleep, his heart pack up its griefs

And left.

He loved his heart, but did his heart love him?
The people no longer there, why’d they leave him?

I'm not sure who the people are?

I think this is a good poem although it could use some revising.

[Soma-ko]

The 'He' his the house, 'HIs Heart' is the previous people who lived inside the house, the 'others' are the people who attacked the residents.

Hopefully this makes things more clear!

[Gray]

It does. I think a little more detail would help. It could make it more personal and grab people more. But of course, I could be wrong. Good poem.