Caffeinated Existentialism

It was a good talk, Chris.

we stand
in the crisp air
passing your pipe between us

the tobacco
is sweet
and i wonder as you chuckle at death

fatalism boils
the blood in your veins like water, friend

time is short, time is short, time–

time is.

laugh hearty
because the old man spilled the building blocks

smile.

my cackling rings
against the clatter of a billion hollow bones

Author's Note

All thoughts are welcome.

Reviews

[Emily B]

Nice!!!!!!

fatalism boils (this is so strong you don't want to spoil it with 'the')
the blood in your veins like water, friend

laugh hearty (personal opinion, but I think the advice applies here, too)
because the old man spilled the building blocks

Just curious, but have you read "The Hollow Men" lately? It's been years since I've gone there myself. . .

[Clarisse Nanoit]

awesome. A mundane moment made into a thought-provoking piece. Very cool. I like this a lot!
KH

[TL Boehm]

sucks in air between teeth as she reads. Wow.
my cackling rings
against the clatter of a billion hollow bones

that's poetry.

[Robert Luna]

Very deep words here my friend. I love the sense of urgency that leaps from the page. I always have to read your words twice as I feel the ideas that they place in my head are formed of concrete and have such texture of clarity. I am always impressed with your writes.


Great Job!!!!!!!

[Gypsy Willow]

A good write Doug. I love how all of your work feels natural, never forced. I like the repetition, it really enforces your point. As always, I truly enjoyed reading.

[W.k.kortas]

I think Emily has locked onto something with the fatalism; the repetition of "time" serves to emphasize the enormity and overwhelming aspect of forever, and our brief run in it-- in a way we all are "cackling" in the dark, and I think you have caught that and the notion of our relative insignifigance very effectively. Very fine and well-built piece of writing.

[Spoken]

this is real...pure feeling and thought pouring out and when that happens, the reader can feel it- connect with it. I can tell this came naturally for you. Simply.. magic.

[J]

Your first six lines of this is what I look for in poetry: imagery married with the internal thoughts of the writer, so that it comes out pure and unadulterated, yet with vision and integrity. This is a great direction to be taking... not quite saying it, but showing it instead so that the reader may ponder upon the significance of your word connections.

Kinda rushed for time but those are my immediate impressions...