Redemption

This is a story which revolves around three characters. It is their conquest against God.

                                                              

              REDEMPTION

27^th May, 2006

JOSEPH

My mom tells me that I am very lucky to have a twin brother. She says we both are special and a blessing for her and that she loves us. We both are lucky to have such mom who cares for us so much.

I love my brother more than anything else in this world. He is elder than me in terms of seconds only. He is like a silent guardian to me. I learned this word today in my English classroom. I like how I used it for my brother, he will be glad to see it. He is very caring and keeps my secrets “Secret”

Mother wants us to study hard to become doctors but we have other plans. We have decided to become cops. Actually it was his idea and I chose it because I can’t leave my brother. He says it is the only way we will live together.

While playing in house we both pretend to be cops and neither of us agrees to act like a thief. I tried to change his role but he is a genius and he found a real good solution to this problem. Now we both help each other in catching this imaginary Mr. Wrong. I feel good to act as his assistant because it helps me to understand my mistakes.

 

28^TH May, 2006

JOSEPH

I hate everyone. I don’t want to live anymore. Isaac died today in a road accident. We were coming back from a local store when this happened. I don’t remember what exactly happened but I saw a lot of his blood on the road. My brother is no longer with me now. I want to die, just like my brother died. Mom used to tell me that we both, he and I, together make one. I am very sad and I don’t know what to do now with my life. All I can think now is to kill myself.

 

29^TH May, 2006

JOSEPH

I don’t know what to do with my life. My mother has been admitted to hospital. Doctors tell me that she is in Coma. I don’t know what “coma” is? I guess it’s bad. I can’t kill myself because it will be unfair to mom after everything she has done for us. She needs me, and I need her even more.

 

30^TH May, 2006

JOSEPH

I saw a dream last night. It was about Isaac. I don’t remember the details but I remember him asking me for help. When I woke up, I was sweating. I was frightened because I have never felt anything like that.

For once I thought Isaac was back and everything was going to be good again but something woke me up….it was fear, I don’t know what is happening to me. I am scared.

 

31^ST May, 2006

JOSEPH

My dreams are getting worse. My life is not anymore mine; it’s like I am just passing it away. There is no one I can talk to. My mother’s condition is very bad. It seems to me like she has died too with Isaac and is now looking at me from above…from stars. Whenever I see her in the emergency room, I see her motionless. When I was young, I used to ask mother what death is, and she would tell me that when your heart stops breathing and your body stops moving, that is when you die. Doctors think I don’t know she is dead, but I do know that.

 I heard doctors telling nurses that her chances are very low. They are pretending that my mother is alive. I hope they are not pretending and that my mother is alive.

Last night, I asked God why He did that to me, to my brother and my mother. No reply came back. I guess He doesn’t care for us anymore. Maybe He has left us when we wanted Him the most.

I remember how much I used to play with my brother and when I would get tired he would call me a coward. Many times a day, I call him by his name, thinking he might be hiding behind the wall or below his bed but he never shows up. I miss him very much.

While crossing a street today, I read a word “Revenge”; I asked an old man what it means, he said “To hurt someone for what he did to you.” So this is what I am going to do, I will take revenge of my brother.

 

28^TH May, 2006

SAMUEL

Birth of a child is the most wonderful gift for parents. It brings hope, love and a reason to live for. I am very happy today. My son David has got admission to Harvard University in the department of Biomedical Engineering. I am very proud of him. He worked hard throughout his life to achieve his goal. I am happy to have him.

Sometimes I wonder how everything changes. Time is something which is beyond my understanding. When you are living in it, you wish to live it quickly and when you look back, you hope you could have stayed a bit more. I wish I could control time. If I could, I would go back in time to tell my wife how proud I am of our son. I know what she will say, “I knew my Davey was special.” But then the time….

Our days of poverty will be over soon. His hard work is paying off. Yesterday, when he came to house, he hugged me and said “This will be soon over, father…..You have done more than enough for me. You are the best father in the world.” He was crying and I was too. I wish my wife could have been here with us. I had never experienced anything like that in my whole life. I would usually cry when I am alone but when he hugged me it wasn’t me whom he hugged; he hugged a child, because I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I believe this is what we call Happiness and today I have felt its enormous power. After losing so much in life when someone sees anything like that, he comes to understand the value of his hardships.

Now I believe in God….that He exists. He listens to our prayers. I regret saying bad things about Him when I lost my wife. I think He has forgiven me.

Life is too uncertain. It is what you would expect least in the most unexpected moment. Life is always trying to surprise you, sometimes with happiness and sometimes by taking away happiness. And that’s why I blame life, for it is unexpected in its existence.

 

8^TH November, 2010

Samuel

Just when things are about to move in a good direction and when your hard work starts to pay off, things happen which are beyond justification.

Last weekend, I was thinking how things will change when David got a job and here I am now, trying to understand how badly things have changed.

I used to believe that everything happens for a reason but I see no reason in what happened to me and my only family.

It is me against God now. The only difference is, I have no power. First He took my wife and then my only son. He thought I would move on just like I did when my wife died but how could He expect the same after taking my son’s life.

David died four days ago. That day he called me in the morning telling me to be ready in evening as he would take me to dinner in a nearby restaurant.

I thanked God for helping me out through thick and thin. I told Him that without His help nothing would have been possible.

David took me from home. We went to Al Fresco. When he was parking his bike in the parking stand, a car crashed into motorcycle. I don’t know what happened when that car hit us. I was taken to a hospital and when I came back to my senses, doctors told me something for which I was not ready. I knew from their expression what they wanted to tell me. I wanted to stop them. Hope was there, urging me to stop them from telling me the unbearable truth. But I couldn’t do anything. A female doctor said “Sir, we are sorry to inform you that your son has died because of a head injury. Police has told us that they have got a lead on the suspect. His name is Joseph and they are trying their best to catch him.” And just like that she finished everything I created.

My life was over and so was I. I don’t know for how many days, I lay there, motionless. I wanted them to end my life but they were trying their best to save me. Maybe, they were also a part of God’s scheme in which everything was written against my will. They wanted me to feel the pain…the pain of losing a son. They kept me alive because they wanted me to become a monster so they can prove that it was all my fault. That I was the only reason for what happened to my Beloved Ones.

 

3^RD November, 2014

SAMUEL

It has been four years since the death of David. Since that I have been looking for death, but it is nowhere to be found. I have started to look at things with a different perspective. A perspective in which I have diffused my thoughts with hatred. I have come to this understanding that this “GOD” uses death to play with us. He makes our lives miserable by hiding death.

People think I am mad. I have told them to leave me but they keep asking me questions about my past. Most of the times, I remain silent but, sometimes, I can’t control myself and when I am done with answering their questions, they call me a Heretic. Some go too far to even spit at me but I don’t mind….I don’t care.

 I like how God plays with us. He uses people as an element of torture, the worst degree of torture. It leeches to your soul for the rest of your life and keeps adding on pain.

God thinks He has planned everything, and for me He has planned the worst. But after playing with God for so many years I think I might have found a solution….an obvious one.

 

4^TH November, 2014

PATRICK

I am writing this letter to state the guilt I have been suffering for almost eight years when I killed an innocent boy because of my drinking habits. It was an accident, a horrible one. I wish I could have saved him but it was his time. Everything is written as our fate. We can’t ignore it.  At the same time you can’t escape pretending that it was written, you have to realize what made you do it.

I have been going to the same place for many days where I killed him, with revolver in my pocket. I want to end this all. Every time I try to do so, some invisible force stops me from doing it. I believe this force is my life, even though I can’t live that life anymore. It keeps stopping me.

It’s not that I don’t want to live anymore, it’s just this guilt which is urging me to give away my soul. Some people would think after reading this letter that I should be thankful to God for living so many years after what I did in the past but I want to tell them I would be happy only if I could break away from this cage of my life.

I am here, left with a revolver, few bullets to take my own life. And I will end this all tomorrow.

 

5^TH November, 2014

PATRICK

God has many ways of protecting us. He even protects us from ourselves. I think He manipulates our lives in such a way that we think whatever is happening to us, it’s unfair. But when time comes, He opens new doors to us and gives us everything we have desired for. He forgives our sins which we did in the past and gives us a clean slate to start again.

I was ready to kill myself today. I went to a nearby dumping site which has been sealed for many months. A perfect place to execute myself. When I got there I saw an old man sitting on a bench, looking at me curiously. I was hoping that he would go away but he kept sitting there. Things were not going as planned. After few minutes of this silence, he stood up and started coming towards me. I got afraid and went for my revolver in my pocket. He gestured me to calm down and asked my name. I said it was Patrick. He said “So, Patrick, I wonder what you are doing here. And by the way, my name is Samuel, I am pleased to meet you.” I was getting this feeling that he might be a cop and was here to arrest me. “I am here just breathing in air, sir,” I said in a hesitating tone. He smiled “Breathing? ..... In this dump kid?” he replied waving his hands towards the site. “Yes sir” and with that I knew I was in trouble.

He was an old man around his fifties or sixties. He was tall, had brown long hair and a scar below his lower lip. He was wearing a leather jacket and looked poor to me. I broke the silence, “I don’t know what you are talking about, believe me, I just came here to refresh myself. I am not feeling well these days.” 

“Neither am I, young boy. Neither am I,” he said. Air was getting heavier and heavier and we both knew things were coming to an end. He put his hand on my shoulder and said “I am too old for these games. Don’t waste my time as I already have suffered a lot. Me and you…..” He pointed the finger of his other hand towards me, “We both know why we are here, those who come here….they come here to set themselves free.” He showed me his gun, “I have already suffered a lot and you will help me to end this all.” I realized he was right; he knew why I was there. He was like me…broken, unsatisfied and was tired of his life.

“So what do you want me to do?” I asked him. “Nothing, just take out your gun and point it at my forehead and I will point mine at you and here take these letters,” he put his hand in his pocket and handed me few letters. “What for?”  I asked. While checking bullets in his gun he answered “I don’t want to die with any burden on my chest. I want to fly like a bird, without any burden.” I took my revolver out, I could feel the metal surface of my revolver. I cocked the pistol and aimed it. “Remember son, from now on, there is no chance of any mistake. If you missed, I will beat you to hell so nobody can recognize your face. We both want peaceful death. Don’t we?”  Then he asked me if I was ready and I nodded in yes. He shouted “One, two and three” Bullets made their way through the gun. I remember hearing two gunshots, I remember watching him falling on the ground and looking at his smile with which he was looking at the sky although he was dead. He was smiling at the fragility of this world and had every right to smile.

But he broke his last promise….a liar, he missed his shot. I saw God when I saw him dying. I saw death making its way through his body to capture his soul.

He missed his shot intentionally. But why? I wish he could have told me the reason.

 

6^TH November, 2014

PATRICK

Everything in this world remains constant or they follow a constant pattern. I mean God, His creation….everything. But there are few things which are not constant. These are our emotions, feelings and observations. If we look at our lives, we are always under the influence of our emotions. We depend on them to live our lives because they keep us moving and changing. Changes in these factors are very unrealistic and that is what makes us different from others. Our observations about someone changes every moment based on the facts we are given. We always are in need of some different perspective to look at things and with that our observations change.

Today, in news it was told that during police raid, two boys were killed. One of them was Joseph, who killed the son of that old man whom I killed yesterday. I was happy that the old man got justice. I hope, now, he will rest in peace.

With every passing day, my believe in God is strengthening. With each day He is showing me signs of His infinite wisdom. I have realized that His justice is eternal. I wish this incident could have happened a day before when Samuel gave his life. I wish I could have saved him. He was a nice old man.

 

7^TH November, 2014

PATRICK

I read the letters Samuel gave me. He gave me those letters on purpose. He wanted me to understand the reality about God. After reading his letters I have come to this conclusion that God created us just to play with us. From Samuel’s letters I have come to know that he worked throughout his life to help his son get good education. And just when things were about to turn in his favor, his son was killed.

In the letters, old man said that he believes God is his enemy. He is right; cruelty and injustice are little words to describe what happened to him. I wonder how he survived all this.

Now, I am feeling the pain of own guilt too. It’s becoming too strong. Flashes of that incident are making me mad. I have never felt such tormenting pain. I have to stop writing now.

 

8^TH November, 2014

PATRICK

This will be my last letter. These few days have been very painful for me. Each and every incident which occurred these days, it went back to the incident in which I accidentally killed that boy. I imagine all these incidents connecting themselves to a web I created. I created this web and God fabricated it; He played with it. I never created this web; it just happened, but God used it as a reason to take others life. He fabricated this web in such a way that I was made responsible for everything. whereas He was just catching His preys and for that, I admire His wisdom.

I know you might be thinking I am talking nonsense. But let me conclude everything and then, it will be up to you to decide who was wrong, me or God. That whether He plays with us, with our emotions or not.

In news bulletin it was told that a letter was found from Joseph’s pocket. What he wrote in the letter was something like this:

“Mother, Isaac, I miss you. I know you are angry at me. I know you don’t even want to hear me, but let me tell you Isaac, I died that day with you. I prayed to God to take me to you but He deceived me and kept me alive. What was I supposed to do without you?

Do you remember our dream of becoming cops? I know that’s why you are angry at me that I have involved in drugs but what I was supposed to do alone. I can see you up there, shining in the sky. When you don’t show up I cry because my past becomes my present. I miss you Isaac….I miss you.

I am looking for that b*****d who killed you. No matter what happens I will find him and there will be no mercy that day. I would never forget his face, his jeep and his cowardice.

Isaac, never ever think that I have forgotten you. Sometimes, I see your face in a crowd and I run after you but you always outrun me. That’s not fair. You used to tell me that you will always protect me but I don’t see you anywhere and when I do, you run away.

I remember when mother told me that you and I together, make one, which is not anymore. I still ask God questions but He never answers back. I never speak ill of him; otherwise mom would get angry on me but I want to know if He exists. I want to know that He was watching everything when my brother was killed. I want to know that after watching everything He refused to help us and deprived us of justice. I just want someone to tell me that He exists.

Your Twin brother Joseph”

Now it’s up to you to decide who was at fault. I am going to countryside to live rest of my life in peace and harmony. Unlike God I will help others. I will do what is right and will not fear God anymore.

I wish I could have saved everyone but it was not in my power. When I am gone to the countryside, you will get these letters. I hope you will not make a bias decision because of the fear of God. I hope you will do justice.

Author's Note

This is my 4th story in 2 months. I never thought of going this far.
First of all I would like to thank Edmund for helping me out with every story I have written. Without his help I couldn't have been here. Thanks Edmund.
[Reader]Your constructive review is what I will be looking for, because today, I am here just because of your support. Your reviews are a real support for me.
One last thing that Patrick wanted me to ask you who was wrong? Him or God?

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

Its just speechless as i did not really think any story will exist in such a way... Firstly, i got completely lost in it that i did not even realize the end.. Again i started reading the last part to get the end... Words used are beautiful... And the thought is really interesting as well as wonderful. The characters linked at the end brings a lively effect in the story... It is perfectly playing the roles, describing the perfect emotions in each case... After reading the story, i am very sure that you have improved yourself a lot. And as Edmund is responsible for this, i really respect him. Its not less than a miracle to form a story in such perfect and simple way... I loved it, as it has become my favorite story now...
Nice formation of words and sentences too!!! well done friend.... I want ti write more, but i don't get enough words ti describe........ If its your imagination, then i really respect your skills... Good job!!!
And about the question, life is totally uncertain, and sometimes it becomes impossible to judge god... Like i said u, we should trust ourselves more rather than god... Patrick, if we see reality, should not have drunk so much, but it wasn't his fault though.. It was circumstances which were created by god again... Life is really uncertain, good times give happiness nd bad times give sadness, both r important in life...
Anindita

[Usman Muhammad]

Such a kind review! Thanks Janvee, I am glad that you liked my story.
This review means a lot to me and offers a lot of encouragement. once again a big thanks Janvee :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

You are most welcome 😊👌

[Anindita Janhabee]

This is your best story till now according to me. Although I have reviewed this once, again I am supposed to because this is the 16th time I am reading this. 16th is my birthday, if u remember... : )
I don't know why but I always feel like writing such a great story like this. Bit till now I haven't... I hope one day I too will. This story has really got some capacity to move into my heart...
Keep writing... waiting for the next one...
Jaanvi : )

[CrimsonShinigami]

You, sir, gave me an excellent way of looking at life. When I was reading this I was kind of worried since it seems in Joseph you were kind of quickening the pace a little. When you changed perspectives it caught me off guard and well made me go off track and had to reread it a little to see what I was reading. When I got to Samuel I was like hmm how is he related to all of this. He doesn't seem much you know until you brought Patrick in and I was like oh yeah I see you made a connection and for some reason when you said that Joseph deserved it in Samuels POV I was ready to punch him in the face no offense but since we are reading this in an outsider's POV I guess it makes sense. You made such a nice piece keep up the great work

[Sebastian Romero]

Hello, I came here because you asked for me to review this story, and I am not disappointed! I loved it! It is powerful, suspenseful, philosophical, complex, thrilling, tearful, intense, beautiful, etc etc etc etc etc.... I really could go on. I loved the different points of view, it each had a part in the story, which I loved. I especially loved the Patrick parts, but I really liked it all. i loved Joseph's childish tone, Samuel's emotional voice, and Patrick's analytic thoughts. I liked how it all came together, and how it all just flows. I would probably separate the dates of Joseph's story, because it seems as it has passed more time than it has (for example the parts with the dreams and everything, it's told as if he has had a looot of dreams for a lot of nights now). I'd also add one more fragment before Isaac's death. There are some parts where it sounds more mature than what a child would sound like, but generally, you achieve a great childish tone.
I looooved this part: Sometimes, I see your face in a crowd and I run after you but you always outrun me.... It's so heartfelt. Some dialogues with the encounter between Patrick and Samuel are a little forced or hmm idk how to say it, they're not bad but they aren't convincing. Specially when Samuel starts talking with him.
However, I loooved the story, really.
Also, the only thing I didn't really understand very well is why Joseph killed Samuel's son???
Great job! Keep writing!

[William Liston]

Wow. I enjoyed reading this. I like how you let the reader explore many themes with this story. It was very nice.

The only thing that I can critique that the others haven't said is the visual presentation. The font size is perfect, but I suggest leaving a space between each paragraph. Other than that, there's not much I can say. I enjoyed reading this and I loved the philosophical approach you took in writing this. Great work.

-William Liston

[S. von Glaubitz]

Odd timing for me… Just an hour ago I was listening to an audiobook chapter about the psychology of revenge.

Overall this is powerful, with the fates of the characters so neatly woven around each other. I like how even their thoughts are echoed: never feeling anything like that. The foundation of the story is really solid.

That being said, there are a number of things that confused me:

This was hard to picture: “When he was parking his bike in the parking stand, a car crashed into motorcycle. I don’t know what happened when that car hit us.”

I’m confused here: “People think I am mad. I have told them to leave me but they keep asking me questions about my past. Most of the times, I remain silent but, sometimes, I can’t control myself and when I am done with answering their questions, they call me a Heretic. Some go too far to even spit at me…” Who would spit at a grieving man? What is he actually doing to illicit this behavior? Who are these “people” specifically?

I feel like Patrick and Samuel are a bit too intuitive to each other’s motives when they meet at the dump. It’s not quite believable. Perhaps you can expand on this scene.

Patrick’s 5th Nov. entry is misleading. When the entry starts, he seems to be having an epiphany about living, about God protecting him, but the end of the entry makes it seem like he doesn’t understand why he was left to live.

Why are some parts italicized? Are they quotes? Usually italics mark inner dialogue, but this is all inner dialogue, leaving these parts seem to be outside of the narration entirely.

How did Patrick know that Joseph killed Samuel’s son? He doesn’t read the letters until the next entry.

As to who’s at fault, I’m not really sure I even understand the question. Why are you asking who to blame by the end of this? It seems to me the story encourages one to move past thoughts of blame and revenge in favor of redemption.

[Kaliope]

You've got an interesting storyline here and it's fascinating how these three lives are linked. Yet, even though I understand it was your intention that all characters more or less came to the same conclusions about god, death, fate and faith, their thought processes sounded a bit too similar. When characters lack a distinct voice, it makes the reader acutely aware of the writer behind them, which is something you should definitely avoid.
Also, I've got a bit of a logical problem. Samuel gave Patrick his letters, right? So in the end it seems as if Patrick is the story's narrator, he even quotes Joseph's farewell note, but he couldn't have come across the letters Joseph wrote as a child. So in hindsight the beginning seems a bit disjointed from the story's framework. Not a big issue, but I couldn't help noticing it.
Furthermore, a doctor would (hopefully) not tell a grieving parent the name of a murder suspect - that felt very contrived. Maybe you can find another way for Samuel to learn Joseph's name and his role in his son's death?
Nevertheless, it was a fascinating read and although I'm not a huge fan of epistolary literature, I think you did a good job with this story.
Regarding your question: since I don't believe in god I can hardly fault him for the mess that life is. Most people seem to think they are entitled to happiness, peace and justice and are quick to blame higher powers when things don't turn out the way they expected. But imho we are not entitled to anything. We are not promised anything. All we have is our one, short life and the choice how to deal with its opportunities, challenges and tragedies. Compassion and forgiveness should triumph over hatred and revenge, but it's our job to make it happen. So yeah... I think Patrick was wrong, Samuel was wrong and Joseph was wrong, but Patrick at least tried to create a better future.

Cheers,

Kali

[TheRaven]

Even in journalistic/diary form, you need to remember to keep the tenants of showing over telling alive. We still want to see the things they're talking about, but you'll have to do with the form of a diary over a third person narration. Difficult, but it can be done. Each of the characters had too much of an interchangeable voice, like they were all the same people with the same thoughts regarding God. They should come off as their own distinct characters, and that individuality was lacking between them all. Careful about the usage of God and repeating the word. It can get tedious, and the philosophizing about God and worldly/otherworldy matters also got a tad repetitive. It stuck out like your own thoughts and opinions injected within the story. I want the character's thoughts free of the writer's biases, it makes for a more poignant read.

Neither Patrick nor God were wrong. Bad things happen, but Patrick and Joseph and Samuel all took the wrong routes following their tragedies. The wise choice is to move on, because there will always be a chance for happiness around the corner. That happiness may be taken as well, but life is long and full of events one way or the other. We have a choice. Contribute to misery, or accept the possibilities of hope and love. They chose wrong.

[Amber Lily]

Very cool how the stories intertwined with each other, I wasn't expecting that. Overall I think you have a very solid story line here, I'm impressed :)

Are a few things I would suggest, and that is reading it yourself once again. There are a few sentences that feel like they are missing words, or are using the wrong terms. For example: " He is elder than me in terms of seconds only." Instead of 'elder' it should be 'older'.

Aside from that I think you have a really nice story on your hands. I like your question at the end and it really makes the reader wonder why this is how the world works. Very well done :)

[Ana Papaya]

Captivating. A great story and how you've woven all the pieces together is super.
I enjoyed the format of the piece too. Made it easy to read and follow.
Nice work!

[barleygirl]

I see that you have incited plenty of discussion in your reviews, so I will stay away from discussing the meaning or content of your parallel stories. Whatever people think about God, your story is really about PEOPLE reacting to their own perceptions of God, not really a story about God or about what YOU believe.

I think your story concept is a good one, tying people's lives together & making it a discussion of belief & revenge & giving up. I think the parallel lives are pretty well explained & interwoven, altho I felt a little confused in places. For example, you never mention the name Isaac in the first installment, so when you refer to Isaac in later installments, I had to go back to read the first installment to get clear on this.

My one overall comment about most of this is that you spent a lot of time going off on generalized philosophical tangents, totally beyond the facts & actions of the people in the story. I felt these generalized commentaries a little boring, frankly. I think it's easier for people to absorb philosophical lessons by reading parables that illustrate the principles . . . to a certain extent, this is what you are attempting to do here, write connected parables . . . the problem is that you are not letting the story tell the story . . . you keep going off on philosophical tangents that are not illustrated with any specific details about these people or these lives or the action in the story. I think this would be stronger if there was less general philosophy discussion & more streamlined into SHOWING us instead of TELLING.