Falling stars feel shame

Falling stars feel shame

A Story by TLK

Yesterday I was one god swamped by a pantheon. Our clay children pined for justice while imagining us wielding it behind the stars. Locked away behind the purple satin of the night I was captive to the gaze of those moulded crudely in my shape. They told their children stories about us, first of all thankful, then as generations rose and fell they became doubtful. As we failed to intervene we built up squat huts of recrimination with bricks of murder and accident. Endless death gave them hunger, and their knowledge of our creation helped them to realise, in their eager briefness, that the gods prized them as mere trembling moments of toil. Surer than any weapon, their disbelief weakened us.

 

Today I left that behind, for I cast myself out and let my godhood burn from me in a falling star’s trail. Now I look up seldom. Neither do I look over my shoulder, for I know what is coming: but at least I can now tell my children I love them.


© 2013 TLK



My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I liked it. I felt that the language of it lent credibility. I felt like I was listening to someone speak who was actually, formerly a god.

You did a good job conveying the sense that the gods needed man but regarded them with disdain at the same time. A fairly common theme in tales revolving around the decline of monotheistic religions.

I am curious, in the last paragraph, in relinquishing his/her status as a god, does the narrator become mortal as well? I would think they do, and it is that combined with humanity no longer being a "necessary evil" that would bring them to say that they now love their children.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.



Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Reviews

I liked it. I felt that the language of it lent credibility. I felt like I was listening to someone speak who was actually, formerly a god.

You did a good job conveying the sense that the gods needed man but regarded them with disdain at the same time. A fairly common theme in tales revolving around the decline of monotheistic religions.

I am curious, in the last paragraph, in relinquishing his/her status as a god, does the narrator become mortal as well? I would think they do, and it is that combined with humanity no longer being a "necessary evil" that would bring them to say that they now love their children.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I did a story like this but it was a silly story. I like the tone you strike though it's 'vagued up' to the point of being poetry. 'gods prized them as mere trembling moments of toil. Surer than any weapon, their disbelief weakened us.' Does the first sentiment (that the gods didn't care about people) contradict the second sentiment? (that people weakened the gods through disbelief? If you're showing one led to the other, I'm a dull reader and need a transitional thought.

Also: SWAMPED by a pantheon: was this intentionally getting me to think about very high and very low places?

Posted 2 Years Ago


Intriguing. I like the embracing of the inevitable mixed with the fondness of the last lines.

Posted 2 Years Ago


This is awesome. I'm a fan of astrology stories but this was pretty different. I loved that part "let my godhood burn from me in a taking star's trial." Like that phrase a lot! Would love your opinion on a story of mine.


Posted 2 Years Ago


Great piece.. I love your reference "built up squat huts of recrimination with bricks of murder and accident."

Thank you for sharing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


God deciding to become man, fascinating. "...for I cast myself out..."

This should be the start of something bigger.

I especially like the part 'As we failed to intervene...". So Gods can become frustrated as well by people losing all belief in them because of what is happening in the world.

Well done !

Posted 2 Years Ago


Very interesting. It really moved me. I felt the sadness but there is always a lesson to learn. It called wisdom. Am looking forward to reading more of your writing.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Very interesting piece. I will read more of your writing. I wonder how the other Gods responded.

Posted 2 Years Ago


An intriguing piece, It reminds me of the inevitable despair when one generation realizes the failures of their parents, and the inevitability of their own in turn, how we lower our expectations when we are forced to look in our own mirror. Very well done!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Wonderful imagery. There is such sadness woven into wisdom, of freedom in failure. You've brought it out beautifully. I keep re-reading just to marvel at your words.

Posted 2 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

2518 Views
32 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on June 1, 2013
Last Updated on June 1, 2013
Tags: pining, wielding, locking, captivating, thanking, doubting

Author

TLK
TLK

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



About
Signed up to the Pledge to Civil Conduct in Discourse on Writer's Cafe: please challenge me if you think I am breaking either the letter or the spirit of the rules. I try to review well myself (see.. more..

Writing
Tram lines Tram lines

A Poem by TLK



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Bliss Bliss

A Poem by CRZ


Too Late Too Late

A Poem by CRZ


1=Two faces 1=Two faces

A Poem by CRZ