Nuclear Holocaust

Bleak, ominous...

A chilly wind blows across the barren land
Not a leaf rustles, 
Not a body shivers-
There’s no-one left to feel its bite
And no trees left to dance to its whistle
All that stirs 
Are the little eddies of swirling dirt
And the crumbling ruins 
That collapse a little more into dust.

No sunshine penetrates the clouds
That, like a blanket, smother the sky
The world is drab and grey,
Enveloped in endless night
Locked in the eternal embrace
Of a nuclear winter
But it doesn’t matter-
There’s no-one left to mind.

Now the world is overrun 
By mice and cockroaches-
Those perennial survivors
And they eat each other
For lack of other prey…
Earth; where Man once ruled supreme
But now has relinquished his dominion
And she revolves, empty and barren
With her sisters, around the sun…

Who knows, perhaps Mars
Was once ruled by proud Martians
Fierce, handsome, intelligent and proud
Perhaps their civilization
Was the jewel of the Solar System
Before they developed terrible weapons
And stubborn leaders and extreme ideology
Led them into senseless war
That left nothing but dust and craters...

Author's Note

Opinions, please!

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I noted a few changes I would make to this. These are merely technical suggestions.
1. "No sunshine penetrates the clouds
That, like a blanket, smother the sky"

I would change the second line here to: "That smother the sky like a blanket"...No need for commas and it enhances the clarity, and...

2. "Before they developed terrible weapons
And stubborn leaders and extreme ideology
Led them into senseless war
That left nothing but dust and craters?"

I'd change these last two lines to: " WHICH led them into senseless war...LEAVING nothing but dust and craters"
These are really VERY slight changes but I think they will certainly help the flow a great deal. As for content, it paints a grim picture but exactly what one would expect from the title. I thought the writing was good with some fine observations and descriptive qualities. I hope you find this review helpful. It is never my intention to offend but only to help the writing...I'm all about the writing. I edit and re-edit my own works often.

[Brook]

The words you chose for the description are perfect - this poem is, indeed, bleak and ominous. Everything about this is almost nostalgic. It's odd, because if nobody is left then who would write the poem? But that's just my weird little ideology I suppose, reading too much into this than there is. Then again, I guess that's what makes a good poem. I liked that you didn't forfeit meaning for rhyming, because personally I hate when people do that. I also liked your allusion to Mars; something I haven't seen before. Also, the use of the word "sisters" in reference to the other planets is unique and interesting, and something that I feel contributed to the overall poem.

Overall, it flowed nicely and had great word choice. Good job, 95/100!

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

A great poem as always with fantastic imagery thank you for sharing this

100/100

[Short.Nerd]

I like it! Its sad what our world might become. Excellent job!

[M.Babu]

i like the message this poem conveys. and the last stanza really did it for me bro. i do think we're approaching this 'nuclear holocaust' you're referring to and i really appreciate that someone feels like me too and wrote about it (APOCALYPSE:)). Great wording and you're usual cheeky style made an appearance in the last stanza about the martians and ish:) it speaks well against our human pride and how we should minimise our egos and realise what we're doing to our beautiful planet. I like this poem alot man. Good one!

[Steph's_romantic_myster..]

I agree with fabian, Excellent poem though

[Greg Skura]

Great topic to write about with all the uncertainty in the world and the rebirth of the world on our doorstep. Well Done!

[HoorayForUnderdog]

Ominous, indeed! You create some powerful images with your words. Interesting thought about Mars -- it wouldn't surprise me at all!

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful poem. I write of the same. Soon old Earth will have nothing left after man used and abuse her. Many countries with crazy folks running their government with nuclear weapons could do destruction to parts of their world that won't be reparable. Look at Russian. I hope the eye for a eye ends soon. If not we will all be dead because of useless hate and violence. A outstanding poem. I pray for peace and common sense everyday for all people.
Coyote

[Anata]

Very nice :)

And true ... no matter how you put it, it's true ....
Maybe mars is still a nice planet for it's inhabitants, who knows ;)

Lovely poem!

[Adelia Alighieri]

Oh this is absolutely amazing! Inspiring and thoughtful, it puts out a very classic image. Technical mistakes would do, I'm sure you can work them out.

Keep writing!