"You Visited Me On The Day She Left"

Answer to the Hair of the Dog, On Tap #3 Prompt...For the song "O' Death"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

O' death

O' death

You visited me on the day she left

My heart did perish and my soul did leave

The gates were opened dark in night's reprieve  

You said you'd come to free my soul for me

Well you won't find life here so let me be

I did die on the day she left my side

Now I walk the shadows in your stride

There is no need to bury my old shell

This body is left to reside in hell  

So to take from me what you so desire

Her life as well you will have to expire

She stole my soul she did your job so well

My breath ran cold and my heart beat failed

In my mind are these thoughts of misery

When will you take us home for your theory

And have our bodies laid down in the grave

Our souls in heaven for Jesus to save

 

O' death

O' death

You visited me on the day she left

Loves gone cold there's more time for grim to reap 

I prayed to God my soul for her to keep

And she took away from my heart to flee 

A ward left for the devil to foresee

So hold me away in remembrance

She robbed from me my soul's deliverance

Left eerie by love's memory of her

I linger on earth and am stocked with stir

Among the living a pace of demise

The windows broke you can look in my eyes  

My soul is gone with the love she did speak

Left alone no sight of the peace I seek

She gave it for another to acquire

And if the deed you so seek to transpire

You will have to leave him here in torment

Staggering the world in lifeless dissent

Said you won't find life here so let me be

 

O' death

O' death

You visited me on the day she left

You visited me on the day she left

You visited me on the day she left

 

 

2011 © T.G. Hopkins III

Answer to the Hair of the Dog, On Tap #3 Prompt..."O' Death"

 

Reviews

[TAO]

Ah, yes, the worst kind of death... But we can be reborn, again and again and again...but that pain...until another comes to dull it...what a stain. Very nicely done, Tommy. This lamenting song strikes several chords at the same time and brings back too many memories; for the feelings it stirs, those I've forgotten, this is definitely well worth the read.

[Denise]

I liked how you compared someone stealing your heart to death. The feeling when you get one when someone you love leaves you is the same feeling as losing that person to death. It feels like a part of you died and it will never be the same. I know I have experienced that kind of despair and I felt like I was dying inside.

[ali]

your rhymes and opening/ending lines are very haunting, and also beautiful. You really conveyed pain well, and I thought it was interesting that the speaker was talking to the devil/death instead of the woman herself, as if everything was lost. There are a few lines that don't completely jive, like if you said, "I died on the day she left my side", the syllable count would probably make more sense. Some of the lines made more sense than others, so what I would suggest is that if you ever decide to rewrite some lines, don't go for rhyme, and see what you come up with. Also, I think you meant perish, instead of parish, like a Church.
This poem is very good at making the reader feel pain, which is very impressive- good work!

[Michael Davis]

Very interesting

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is a magnificent ode to death. It could be turned into a
great song. The feeling of being lost with nowhere to go was
overwhelming. Great work!

[Angela]

This was amazing. My heart sped up as I continued to read. Incredible forward momentum and expression of grief. My favorite line? She stole my soul, She did your job so well. Powerful. Simply amazing.

[Ed Hart]

i know it seems this way...