Plenty of space

Plenty of space

A Story by Tomoe Tellez
"

I am sorry I haven't posted anything in a long time. I hope you guys like this short story.

"
When Tesa saw the faint new rays of sun sprang across the sky from her roofless treehouse she woke up her son. "Ready to go to the lowlands?” The day before they had been harvesting and Tesa thought they both had earned a break.

"Sure I am!" answered the boy  brightly to his mother. He sprung up from his pallet and quickly put on his bear skin shoes.

"Now remember the rules Jany," said Tesa with a more serious tone. "No running or jumping. Watch every step before you advance. And most importantly, don't talk."

"Yes mama," said Jany trying to contain his excitement to show her he meant it. 

They left their peaceful village surrounded by a great mountain range. Keeping a steady pace Tesa walked with Jany close by. She admired the change of scenery that leads to a forest with much taller trees than their homes. 

"Mama," said Jany breaking  her train of thought. "Exactly how big is this world?" 

The boy had been walking ahead of his mother observing up close the rocks and plants in their path since he couldn’t touch them.

"Oh my sweet boy, the world is too great to be measured." expressed Tesa with an adoring smile.

"Then why are people fighting over it like there's no room for all of us."

"They are fools full of greed.  They think one day there won't be enough land in this world for the future generations to live in." 

"Hm," Jany looked up to his mother. "Do you think that's possible? It's just that there are not many tribes of people like us in the world. Yet there are so many of them." 
"I've always believed this world is perfect," said Tesa taking her child's hand. She pointed up at the tree tops. "The sun is close enough to give us warmth without burning us.  "

Jani gazed at the shimmering rays of sunlight streaming through the green leaves of the trees. The boy held up a hand to cover his eyes while still looking in between his fingers.

"Therefore I believe that everything in the nature of this world is just the way it has to be."

Streams of glittering dust danced just above their heads, leaving several blue lines drawn in the air.

"Your friends are here," Tesa whispered in Jany's ear. 

Excited Jany sat down very carefully, like he was told, and cupped his hands in front of him. Five fairies, as tiny as his fingernails, landed upon his hands with smiles matching his own in their faces.

Tesa walked back to the nearest tree and sat on the ground leaning against it while she watched her child play with the fairies. He would occasionally gasp at what they told him and hold in laughs and giggles. The rules to keep his mouth close kept his friends safe.

They were children as well and weren't given a lot of time to spend away from home so it was with great disappointment that the boy bid the fairies farewell before the sun rose completely into the sky. 

...
After Jany left, all five fairies began their flight back to their own home out of the forest.

"Hey, how about we sneak into the house and scare our uncle Lian!" said South to her siblings with a roguish grin. 

"Sounds fun." agreed West with a calm demeanor.

"I don't know," said East with a worried expression. "We might cause an accident like the last time."

"She is right," replied North sternly, but not harshly. "But if I can't stop you, at least I'll be there to help you out." 

The four of them looked at their leader, Alexo.

"I guess we'll probably be grounded for tomorrow," said Alexo feeling surrender. 

And so they all shrank to the size of a human thumb, giving one last glance back at their sixty meters tall friend.

The world was incredibly huge, so understanding why others were fighting over it was out of their comprehension. 


© 2016 Tomoe Tellez



Author's Note

Tomoe Tellez
I had some trouble with the last part of the story, am not sure if it should go there. I just wanted to write something from the fairies point of view too. What do you guys think; should I leave it like that, take it out, or write more from the fairies point of view?

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Featured Review

Critique: There are many places where you left out who was speaking examples: ("Then why are people fighting over it like there's no room for all of us.") and ("They are fools full of greed. They think one day there won't be enough land in this world for the future generations to live in.") as written both of these are spoken by the same person.

Review: Nice start, you set your characters into motion with little introduction but done in such a way that it was easy to understand. The plot and storyline are a little vague at this point but still offers enough to make it interesting so readers will want to know more. I give it four out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

1 Year Ago

Thank you Bear, I will make sure to fix those parts.



Reviews

I really enjoyed this story. it flowed very smoothly. I noticed in one spot you had spelled Jany as Jani instead. maybe elaborate more about the fairies or give them a story of there own? I'm guessing the names are simply because they are mystical beings or simply unique names like I have a friend named Arrow. are the fairies wanting to pull a prank on their uncle simply because fairies are known to be tricksters? I like how you puled both lores of fairies together. some say they're sweet while others say they're mean. It seems like you let them be both.

Posted 8 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

8 Months Ago

Hey, thanks a lot for reading! ;) I am glad you enjoyed it. I'll check that error, thanks for notici.. read more
I wish that this piece was longer. there could have been more of an explanation on what the mother was talking about and more of the culture that the characters are living in. I dont think that the part from the fairies point was written very clearly, I was confused at first before realizing that it was from the fairies pov then I was confused as to how the fairies part furthered the plot.

Posted 9 Months Ago


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Ana
That first paragraph totally got me. I can't believe it drew me in so quickly, like hello brain, are you okay this morning? There was a rule about keeping his mouth closed, because breathing would blow the fairies away or talking would? lol idk, but I really like the descriptions of the background.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

9 Months Ago

Thank you very much, you made me realize something I had not seen before.
When I read the story to the end, I returned to read some parts again to look for clues that the boy was a giant. I did find them, but I don`t know, if they were put there on purpose, or I just found them because I was looking for them. :) If you did it on purpose, then well done! He couldn`t talk, because he could accidentally swallow the fairies, and he says there are not much people like them - the giants.
The last part with the fairies. I didn`t fully understand where did the conversation lead. It had no connection with the earlier giant thing. Maybe uncle Lain was a giant, too? Then two more things - what is it with the names? Why kid-fairies are called North, South, East and West? And the fifth fairy is just Alexo? The second - why are they five? A symbolism?
At the end, the fairies didn`t understand, why people fight over place in this huge world, but weren`t those the giants, who first wondered about that? I actually like that they all are wondering about it, only it looks like it has been written accidentally, because the fairies` conversation doesn`t lead to them thinking about the space. ;)
The story was full of meaning and left me thinking. I believe there was more meaning than you were trying to put in the writing. In my opinion, that means, the story is good. Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed reading it.

Edite


Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

1 Year Ago

Hey, thanks a lot Edite for the long review, I like it when people share with me their thoughts abou.. read more
It's a cute story with a valuable message. Not going into details here, because we already discussed them, just wanted to repeat that you did very good job with the rewrite :-)

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

1 Year Ago

Thank you very much for all your help Kali. :)
Critique: There are many places where you left out who was speaking examples: ("Then why are people fighting over it like there's no room for all of us.") and ("They are fools full of greed. They think one day there won't be enough land in this world for the future generations to live in.") as written both of these are spoken by the same person.

Review: Nice start, you set your characters into motion with little introduction but done in such a way that it was easy to understand. The plot and storyline are a little vague at this point but still offers enough to make it interesting so readers will want to know more. I give it four out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

Posted 1 Year Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

1 Year Ago

Thank you Bear, I will make sure to fix those parts.
An interesting read, with a very compelling world presented in the space of a few scenes. I'd definitely be interested in finding out more about this world.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Tomoe Tellez

1 Year Ago

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for reading it! And for your comment. :D

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298 Views
7 Reviews
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Added on July 4, 2016
Last Updated on July 13, 2016
Tags: fairies, fantasy, children, giants

Author

Tomoe Tellez
Tomoe Tellez

About
I am a since I learned how to write. No kidding, my mother has home videos where I´m talking about the stories I use to write for my little brothers at the age of seven. I’ve always writt.. more..

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