In a small town, a circus rolls in, it's bright banners waving. The
townspeople all stare as it rolls through the streets. That's what I've
been told it always looks like. I never get to see it, though I do hear
the faint cheers of some of the children from inside my dark box.
I
wish I had one of the ones with bars, so that I could see what the
people look like before I enter the sawdust ring. I guess They're
afraid that I'll try to escape from between the bars. That, or the fact
that all the people will see the bindings They tie me up with. The ride
is always worse if I've tried to escape in the last town. They always
catch me just before I've gotten too far, and then I'm chained in my
dark little boxcar. It'd be nice if They gave me a flashlight or
something. All the expenses are spent on making the shows brighter,
bigger, better. Nothing goes into making sure that we're comfortable.
'Talents', They call us.
I hardly notice when my car stops moving.
I'm so used to the circus train stopping and starting suddenly that the
jolt doesn't even faze me anymore. The first few times, I was stunned
in fright, my motion sickness trying to get the better of me.
One of
Them opens up the door on my car. I recognize his face -- it's the
nicest of all of Them. He unlocks the padlocks on my chains and lets me
stand before pulling me into the moonlight. I wince as my shoulder
slams into the metal frame of the car. He says nothing; any of the
other ones would have slapped me or hit me for being so weak. He shoves
me into Their trailer, and closes the door. The Head of Them is sitting
at his desk, glaring at me.
"Sit," he commands. I stay standing. He
grabs the bullwhip from off the wall, and I sit. He smiles wickedly. We
both know he has control over me. "Tonight," he says, "there will be no
mishaps. If we earn enough money on this show, you will all get some of
the finer food we purchase." His promise is empty. All of Their
promises are always empty.
"Yes sir," I say anyway. The first night
is much too hectic to even start mapping the little area I get to see
of the town. He nods, not realizing my intention.
"Good, good.
Bruno!" he calls louder, and the door opens. Another one of Them
stands, awaiting orders like a robot. "Take her to where the other
talents are," The Head commands. He never says our names. I don't think
he even knows them.
The large man grabs my wrist and yanks me out of
Their trailer. I bite back a cry at his tight grip. He pulls me all the
way to another, larger boxcar, much like my own and thrusts me inside.
The large hole in the roof is barred, but gives enough moonlight for me
to see the other performers -- my only friends. I rub my wrist and step
inside. The door slams behind me, announcing my entrance. The others
turn to look at me.
"Petal," smiles Stripe, and he comes to give me
a warm hug. I return it with just as much love. I can hear the rest
returning to what they were doing -- practicing, talking, and pacing.
Stripe lets me go and looks at me. "You all right?" he asks.
"Yeah,
I'm fine," I try a small smile, and I hope it fools him. Breeze
cartwheels over to where we are and she gives me a huge grin.
"Star
says we're in Freedom, one of the largest towns. Can you believe it? We
get to perform in Freedom!" She does another cartwheel from pure
excitement.
"It's not like we're paid performers, Breeze," Tadpole
says from her corner. She looks up at us from beneath her dark bangs.
"We're more slaves than anything."
"Let her be excited if she wants to be, Tadpole," Stripe sounds annoyed.
"I can stick up for myself, thanks," Breeze snaps.
"Ok,
all of you, stop," I say, "we don't need this before a show. If we
break each other apart, we don't have anyone but ourselves." Tadpole,
Stripe and Breeze all mutter a 'sorry' to each other. Star shuffles in
his corner, and then clears his throat. The whole car goes silent.
"Alright,
everybody, this is it: opening night in Freedom. We all need to hold
our tongues, whether They are around or not tonight. The Head will be
introducing us as immortal, inhuman and impossible. Wing and Feather,
you will be out first. Make sure to keep a safe distance from the
audience. Stripe, you'll be next…"
Star continues his talk, letting
us all know who was going when, and what to look out for. He does this
every night to make sure all of us are prepared. If we mess up, They
will punish us. We all hate it when any one of us is punished; it's
just another grim reminder that we're not worth anything to anyone but
each other. Just a few moments after Star finishes, there is a loud rap
on the door.
"Hey, freaks, time to shine," one of Them cackles. The
door opens, and we all walk out single-file into the back of the circus
tent. There are hay piles for us to sit on while we're waiting, but
nothing else back behind the stage. The Head was already out there,
announcing us.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls of all ages!
Tonight, we present to you an array of the most astounding creatures.
The immortal, the inhuman, and the impossible. Purely for your
entertainment, I give you first, Ladies of the Sky!" we hear from the
back. Wing and Feather leave immediately, white wings already spread.
You can hear the gasps of amazement as they enter. As much as we all
hate having to go out there, revealing we're freaks of nature, I've
always wanted to see the show. Just once, I want to be able to see what
everyone can do when we're not in that tiny boxcar.
After just a
moment, we hear immense cheering. The people always enjoy seeing Wing
and Feather fly. They glide back to where we all wait, and The Head
announces Stripe, who somersaults out. The humans scream as the small
boy becomes a large tiger, strutting around the ring. One by one, The
Head calls us all out. Star for his uncanny fortune telling and mind
reading, Tadpole for her ability to become a mermaid once she submerges
herself in water, Thunder for creating lightning.
I tug at my thin,
flower-like dress, hoping maybe The Head will forget about me. Without
fail, he calls me right after Thunder. I take a deep breath, then do a
flip into the ring. I do several more until I am at the middle. Breeze
follows close behind. The people clap, as they always do. I begin
dancing to a small pan flute that one of Them plays. Flashing a
dazzling smile, I let small pink flowers fall from my hands that
weren't there a moment ago. A puff of air whisks them over the
audience's head. I continue to dance, watching the people.
Their
eyes stay on me as I pull more flowers and petals out of thin air.
Breeze keeps them floating, almost as if they are suspended in time.
After our act is done, we go behind the flap once again, and I settle
into one of the piles of hay. As soon as we are out of the way, Cloud
tumbles into the ring. I close my eyes and let the roar of the cheers
sing me to sleep, grateful that the hay is warm. After what seems an
only minute, Star shakes me.
"Finale time," he says in a low voice.
I sigh. The finale is so draining, both physically and mentally. Wing,
Feather and I all leap out from behind the canvas flap. Feather tosses
me into the air, and Wing catches me on her back. I stand with my feet
just between the base of her wings, letting petals drop to the ground.
The
audience gawks as Feather comes up beside us, and I shift so that one
foot is on each of their backs. We do a few more loops around the tent
as Stripe the tiger bounds into the ring. Several other performers
followed them, doing their various talents. Wing and Feather spread
apart, and I bring my feet together so I am tumbling through midair.
The people who are still watching me gasp, but the other people see a
formation being made in the ring.
Stripe takes a single step
forward, catching me on his back. Behind him, a well-balanced wall-like
structure of people stands behind us. I pull a final handful of petals
out of thin air, and Stripe pushes his chest out proudly. Roars of
applause assault us, and we retreat out of sight. I carefully dismount
Stripe, who becomes his human self again once I am off. Star calls for
our attention quickly. He speaks quietly and urgently.
"This is it. Tomorrow night there is the perfect chance to finally get out of here."
"What?" Several of us whisper loudly. This is the first time I realize that I may not be the only one trying to get out of here.
"Yes.
Just follow my instructions as I give them tomorrow and things should
go without a hitch." He nods, and we all look around at each other. A
chance to leave this awful place, forever? Several of Them come to
'escort' us back to our 'homes'. For once, we all leave almost eagerly,
excited for tomorrow night.
The night passes slowly for me. After
making sure I changed out of my costume, I was thrown into the cold
metal box I called home. Then something that held its own light was
slid towards me, and the door slammed shut. The Head said we'd have
better food tonight -- and I knew it was a lie. However, I wasn't
expecting to be provided with a candle for light. After fourteen years
of seeing light only from spotlights and the moon, I'd gotten used to
the dark.
No, no, I hadn't been here that long. For the first few
years of my life I had lived in the light, the Outside world, before I
was sold into my own personal hell. It was how all of us had come here.
But after so long never seeing something shine bright light, circus
lights aside, the candle seems almost like an intruder in my small
little world, illuminating all I could not see before. After a few
minutes, I decide it's a vast improvement, being able to see all the
corners of my car. I also wasn't chained to the cold metal wall, though
I knew this would be because I hadn't tried to escape tonight. A small
reward, but the promise of tomorrow still hangs in the air.
Sleep is
a long way away; I can feel it. I pick up a rock that I must have
tracked in and toss it against the opposite wall. It clangs loudly, and
I cringe away from the harsh noise. I sit in silence for a while,
trying to sleep. Every time I can almost grasp the comfort of
unconsciousness, Star's words resonate in my mind and I snap back awake.
The
candle flickers in front of my face as I draw it close. After agonizing
over it in my head, I decide to blow it out to see if I could sleep
better that way. I hope it will work; They had given me no matches to
re-light it. I close my eyes again, and I finally pull the blanket of
sleep over me.
I pace back and forth in my car. One of Them
should have been here by now, to get me to the tent. They had already
delivered my costume, and I'd changed quickly. I'd been on edge all
day, worrying. What if Star was wrong? What if something changed, and
we would all be captured again? If we all got caught, there's no
telling what they'd do to us…
The door bursts open, and I jump. One
of Them are standing there, waiting. I sigh and walk over to the door.
He grips my arm and hauls me off to the boxcar where the others are. It
seems I'm, as usual, the last one there. The atmosphere is a mix of
grim worry and pure bliss. The normal conversation of how one should
wear their hair for the performance and bets on who will get loudest
cheers has turned to what will happen after the show or during the
show, and what The Head will tell Them to do. You can catch snippets of
conversations… "When do you think we'll leave?" "Will we be able to
stay together?" "I can't wait to see the Outside world…" I only listen
for a few moments before I notice Tadpole looking over at me.
"You look lost," she comments. I shrug.
"Just
waiting, like the rest of us," I reply, and then sit next to her. She's
silent, and the truth of my statement hits me. Even headstrong Tadpole
is waiting for the moment she can be free. And without a doubt, she is
just as anxious as I am. For probably the first time since I've met
Tadpole, we share an understanding, a common feeling other than hate
for this place.
"Petal," she says softly, "What'll happen to us,
even if we do escape?" her voice cracks on 'us'. I bite the inside of
my lip. This is something I haven't thought of.
"We'll find jobs, or something. And try to live normal lives," is all I can answer.
"But what about the littler ones? Breeze and Spring and Rain and Stripe, and all the others?" her voice is more urgent.
"You're
worrying too much, Tadpole. Don't you trust me?" A voice asks behind
me, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. Turning slightly, I see Star. He
has a sly smile on his face, but I can tell he's slightly upset with
Tadpole.
"Sh-shut up," she stammers, and wipes something off her
face. Had Tadpole just been crying? Star sits down next to me. I make a
little room so that we're sitting in a triangle.
"Look, you two. You
really don't think I'd even mention a chance to escape if we wouldn't
all be safe in the long run, do you?" he shakes his head, and
realization sets in.
"There was a chance before. And you… you didn't
say anything." I feel my fists clench involuntarily. Tadpole speaks
before Star can.
"And he kept us alive, Petal. All of us." She snaps. I flinch away from the sudden harshness in her voice.
"Both
of you, cut it out," he says. Then louder, "Alright everyone." He
begins the rundown of tonight's show, and after I hear my name, I tune
out. Stripe crawls over next to me, and then rests his head on my
shoulder. I stroke the boy's hair absentmindedly, the way I would a
cat, out of habit. He purrs as if he were, indeed, a cat. He is, in a
way, I remind myself.
Star finishes informing us who goes when, and
then says simply, "We're doing the Princess finale." We all stare at
him, and he nods. "The Head wants Breeze and Shade to be the mirrors,
Breeze light, Shade dark. Griffin, you will be the Master, and Stripe
will be the Beast. Petal, you are the Princess. Cloud, you are the
Angel. Everyone else, you are the extra roles." He finishes as if this
is nothing. Murmurs ripple through the group of us.
The Princess
finale is the single hardest finale we've ever had to do, and it was
barely rehearsed. The worst part for me was that I was the Princess. I
had never played the Princes role in my life. The Princess role wasn't
a particularly hard one, but very important. Usually, I had been an
extra, or half of the Mirror, but Breeze took that role tonight.
Stripe, still resting on me, looks up at me.
"Nervous?" he asks.
"Not me," I try a confident laugh.
"Your
shaking, Petal…" he says quietly. Am I? I hadn't realized that I was.
He wraps me in a crushing hug. "You'll be fine. I believe in you.
Besides, it doesn't matter how well you do. We're leaving tonight,
right?" he smiles. Stripe, ever the optimist.
"Yeah," I nod, but I
still don't feel confident. I've always tried to shine, even in this
place of sin and slavery. A big, ugly one of Them opens up the door and
has us file into the tent.
I bury myself into one of the piles of hay, trying to bury my thoughts as well. Stripe comes and sits near me.
"You do what you can, and try even when you think you cant," he says. I look up over him.
"Stripe, you are the wisest ten-year-old I know," I comment. Star sits next to him and wraps him in a headlock.
"Actually,
I told him that a while back. Mooching off my wisdom, are you, kid?" he
laughs evilly as Stripe struggles to get free.
"Oh," is my reply. "Well, you're not ten, so you don't get the award."
"What about wisest sixteen-year-old, then?" he asks as The Head begins introducing the show.
"No. Just the only one I know that can read."
"Well then, how about 'most talented sixteen-year-old'?"
"Fine,
if you feel you must be best at something, I suppose you may have that
category," I chuckle. We both realize Stripe is still trying to escape.
We both laugh as Star lets him free. After another moment, I smile.
"Thanks," I say to both of them.
"No problem," Star returns my smile. Stripe looks at Star, and Star realizes he has no idea what we're talking about.
"For
making me feel better," I add for his benefit. He smiles widely at me,
then leaves for the ring right on his cue. I lean back into the warmth
that the hay offers.
Star and I are both silent. Now that we've stopped talking, I realize
there isn't near as much conversation as usual back here. The truth of
the situation has sunk in. If Star was right, which we all assume he
is, this will be our last show. I wonder where I'll go after this. I'd
never really thought about it before. Would others stay with me, or
would I be on my own?
"Stop worrying about it, Petal" Star sighs.
"Stop reading my mind, Star," I retort.
"Because
it's totally my fault that you think so loud. I don't try to. The
others, I can only hear when I want to. But you, it's like you
penetrate my skull."
"Shut up," I mutter. This wasn't the first time
he'd told me. I hear something that sounds like a single laugh beside
me, and he ruffles my hair. "Hey!" I say, trying to fix it. He laughs
and helps out.
"Petal, if I ever had a little sister, she's have to be you."
"I may as well be, the way you treat me."
"Is that a compliment or an insult?"
"Both," I say. "Does my hair look any better?"
"It'll
have to be, you're out next." He nods just as Stripe comes back in,
still a tiger. I dance into the ring, alone tonight. I go into
auto-drive, not paying real attention to what I'm doing. I hear cheers
and applause, but they seem far away. By the time I go backstage, I
notice that the sawdust was covered in small flowers. My job had been
done.
Still in a daze, I nearly sit on Stripe, rather than a
haystack. I murmur an apology and sit next to him. I don't really wake
up until someone pulls me into the stack. I yelp and jump up, turning
to face the laughing face of Stripe. He must have climbed into it from
the back somehow.
"That wasn't funny!" I laugh anyway.
"It made
you snap out of it," he points out, and I have to give him that. I sit
back down, waiting for him to return to his usual spot. He sits down
and cuddles next to me. I smile, thinking about what he said about me
being a little sister to him. Stripe would have to be my little
brother, then. A few moments later, Breeze shakes me.
"Wake up, wake
up! Jeez, Petal, you always fall asleep. It's finale time!" she says,
then runs out into the darkness of the ring. I shudder and follow her.
My eyes adjust quickly and I scamper to the top of the tall tower that
sits in the middle of the ring. It's sort of like a pyramid that has
platforms upon platforms. I sit on the top tier, waiting. The lights go up,
and I take a deep breath.
The extras on the floor walk slowly, as if
in water. Stripe and Griffin have a spotlight follow them. Griffin
looks up at me and points, laughing evilly. A low light hits me from
above, and I pretend to be terrified as he discreetly throws down smoke
bombs, rendering the audience blind to the two of them. The group of
extras clears the area, doing their various talents to occupy the
audience while this goes on. When the smoke clears, Griffin has
disappeared, and Stripe is again, a tiger. I let out a scream in faked
horror. He roars and begins climbing the pyramid, when everyone freezes.
The
lights focus on the tier below me, where Breeze and Shade wait
patiently. They dance gracefully, mirroring each other perfectly. At
the end, Cloud emerges from behind them, and we all begin to move
again. Stripe approaches Cloud, snarling. I watch as Cloud and Stripe
run toward one another. Stripe rears, looking like the end already for
Cloud, but he places a hand on Stripe's head at the last possible
moment.
The stage is once again cloaked, but this time in a thick
fog created by Cloud. Once it clears, Stripe is again his human self. I
take a deep breath and run down to where Cloud waits. I jump up, and he
catches me, lifting me into what I've heard been called an 'Angel
lift'. I let petals rain from my hands, careful to keep as still as
possible for Cloud as he carries me around the ring. Once he sets me
down, the audience breaks into applause and we all bow.
"Was that as bad as you thought it would be?" Cloud asks, his mouth not moving, almost like a ventriloquist.
"No,
but then, I was afraid I'd move loose my balance while you held me up,"
I say in the same manner. We all walk back behind the canvas curtain.
Star gathers us all together.
"Here we go. Travel in small groups,
and make sure the little ones don't get left behind. It doesn't matter
where you go, just don't stick around here. If you can find a way, meet
here in a year's time so that we can all find ways to contact one
another. Be safe and look out for each other." He nods, and we all run.
I
grab Stripe's hand on the way out. I don't see Star leave. Fear gnaws
at the edge of my mind. Had he stayed behind, ready to take the blame
for all of us? I try to push the thoughts of what The Head would do to
him out of my mind. The Head would know that Star was the one who told
us it would be safe to run, because The Head knows Star's incredible
power. I can't think about this any longer. I have to get Stripe and I
to safety. We run several yards away from the tent, towards the line of trees. The circus sounds and shouts from Them are getting more distant. I'm now more aware of other feet in the grass behind us,
keeping pace no matter how far or fast we ran.
"Stripe, run
somewhere safe to hide." I whisper, and he nods bravely. I stop and
spin around, ready to fight off one of Them if need be. I see the figure in the darkness, unable to make out the face. I quickly ready my defenses, not willing to take a step toward him. My arm rises to
hit whoever it is, but he catches it before I can strike. I let out a surprised yelp and try to get him with my other hand, which he blocks easily. Before I know it, I'm turned around and in a headlock, yelling profanities and trying to get free.
"Moron," a familiar voice laughs, releasing me. "I wouldn't let my little sister run off without me, would I?"
"Star!"
I throw my arms around him. I was glad he didn't stay behind. I'm even
more glad he decided to come with Stripe and I. He laughs and whistles
for Stripe. Stripe climbs down a near-by tree and joins in the hug.
After we break apart, we all nod in silence. We all start running away
from the circus, something totally backward from all the stories I've
ever heard.
In a small town, a circus rolls in, bright banners
waving. Maybe I'll get to see it someday, rather than be told about it.
But for now, I'm more than happy with the freedom I've just been
granted, and my two brothers to share it with.
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