WATCHING

A POEM CONNECTED WITH A LARGER WORK IN PROGRESS

On the edge of a razor just outside of doom,

an evil thing lingers, in darkness it blooms.

Searching the tangible, nothing was seen,

only the tepid pools mirror-like sheen.

While the tune of a piano struck an off-key

the horror now growing was watching her sleep.

As tension was gaining with treacherous pace

she caught a quick glimpse of the eyes with no face.

Sleeping, wrapped tight under cover of sheets

she felt creeping fingertips touching her feet.

And screaming, the fingertips all went away,

The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…

Author's Note

Just trying to set the proper atmosphere for a novel I am working on. I would like to stick my toes in the water with a horror / suspense / thriller poem, as that is the genre of the larger piece. Hope the poem is headed in the right direction....

Reviews

[ReedWrite]

WOW. You nailed it!
I am not into horror...but this sent a shiver down my spine.
I loved the imagery...it came alive. The line: the horror now growing was watching her sleep...was awesome.
Loved this line too: And screaming, the fingertips all went away,/The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…
Very nicely done. Whatever novel this goes with, will be awesome.

[M. L. F.]

Why thank you.. ;) I love suspense / thriller. Oddly enough I only write suspense / thriller genre fiction, but somehow on here I have not posted much of it yet. I had a run in with an evil male I made the mistake of marrying (shivers) and had to pause to obliterate him with poetic swords for a while. Now I mostly feel there is enough blood on my blade, so that is that, and can focus on what really matters, FREEDOM AND FICTION! ;)

[ReedWrite]

I think you and I could be very good friends, M.L.
I obliterated...am still obliterating...my ex. My pen is still bloody! :)

[M. L. F.]

Ah yes.... How the pen is truly mightier than the sword.. I'm a very sweet person, but when evil, true evil comes my way (and it did, the jail worthy sort) then I brandish. hahah... yes. Friends indeed! :) Some of your best stuff will come from the bloody pen. Keep slashing!

[ReedWrite]

LOL...sharpening my pens now.
Never fear. Got your six, M. L.

[M. L. F.]

Lol... PERFECT! And I, yours. ;) Now Misty is off to bed. Its 2:30 AM here in Holland. The American writer needs to stop writing and go to sleepy-land. :) Until next time new friend.
..Misty

[ReedWrite]

Night, Misty. Sleep well.
Pam

[.]

Wow! Very freaky, Misty.

This reminded me strangely of the Monsters in Monsters Inc, but certainly with a much darker tone and sinister theme. The scary thing about this piece, is that the thing watching may not be an actual monster at all; it could in fact be in human form, preying on its next victim.

You have created a very vivid atmosphere with this one and it certainly is very suspenseful. I look forward to reading on when you have completed it. Well written, Misty! Very nice work!

[M. L. F.]

Thanks Doodley! ;) I am working on a novel and this piece sort of represents a scene or tones from the book itself, in the genre I love to write the most, suspense / thriller..(of course with a paranormal twist). I also have a short story I am trying to finish up about the devil, an homage to Stephen King's short, "The man in the black suit". The subject is fascinating if you ask me. I am so glad this piece is striking a chord, hopefully, an off-key chord with you..and in the dark.. ;)
...Misty

[.]

I look forward to reading more. And yes, i am an S. King fan myself. Have every book he has ever written.

[M. L. F.]

Ooooh... a fellow King fan. Nice! I am currently reading "The Shining" and "Rose Madder". And some stories from "Everything's Eventual". Glad to meet another fan of King. :)

[Ruth]

Oh, edgy and eerie, I like this a lot :) You set the scene, I am intrigued and invited :)

[Hannah]

This gave me the chills. It reminded me of being a little kid in a house at night. Everything's dark and scary and you never know what could happen. This is really well done.

[Jacob Clifford]

Very suspenseful! This piece caught my attention and held it 'till the end. I really like the line with the piano and off-key, as it made dangerous music play in my head and add to the ambiance. This poem is very ... creepy, perhaps. I'm not sure there's a word for what it feels like. If your aim was "horror / suspense / thriller", then you hit a bulls-eye. This was a very well-crafted poem. If that novel is as good as everything else of yours I've read, I'm certainly looking forward to it.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you so much. Your review carries some weight for me, and the encouragement is really important for me as a writer, as a person. The book is moving along nicely. Soon the chapters will be here too, at least the first three or four. :) Thanks again for the encouraging compliments, and I am very glad to hear you appreciated the piece and my work in general. Thanks Clifford,
Misty

[Jacob Clifford]

I look forward to seeing them.

[Aventicus]

Absolutely fantastic and wonderfully chilling. The suspense here is well presented and "the eyes, ever watching" was a well crafted mystery.

[Dash the Reaper]

nicely written,you are one of the few people who actually write about horror/suspense and you are good at it too

[Voidwvlf]

Suspenseful, uneasy, and quietly horrifying. I don't have a lot to say about this because it's just plain good. I think you captured your intended mood!

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words and description. I liked the mystery create leading to good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[M. L. F.]

Thank you Coyote. I am happy to hear you enjoyed it. :)
Misty

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Shabeeh Haider]

A very different kind of poem from the ones that I have usually read. Dark and creepy.
A pleasure to read a poet who rhymes and maintains the flow of each line.
I will be visiting your page from time to time.
Best of luck for your book.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much. I will also visit yours to check in. This piece is tied to a suspense / thriller novel in the works, so it is meant to be creepy, to seep in a bit... Thank you for the review.
..Misty