Prophets

Something to pierce society's rose-tinted glasses.

Prophets

 

V1

The Heavens opened, rain came tumbling out,

 

A thunderous sound,

 Clumsy but abundantly loud,

The cold front plummeting barometers down.

Apocalypse now,

Our populous is lost in a cloud,

Accosted with the frost a lot of commoners doubt.

They’re possibly drowned,

Apostles to a jostling town,

Hypocrisy’s impossible where nothing is found.

They solemnly vow,

Tomorrow’s where our problems abound,

A population worried with a comical nous.

They’re probably proud,

Accomplished with a commentary how,

Impossible a promise full of honesty sounds.

We follow them round,

Borrowing a sorrowful frown,

While the metropolis has blocked us from the sun and the clouds.

We blunder about,

And plunder what the young have avowed,

Torn asunder by the hunger we keep under a shroud.

We suddenly shout,

How is all this horror allowed?

What have all the cowards we empowered let out?

 

V2

A peace we regret,

Was reached between our needs and our debts,

Now we bleed for our beliefs received from media sets.

Seems it’s a test,

To beat us down and squeeze what’s left,

T.V. the means to feed the dreams in all of our heads.

They clean up the mess,

Its seasonal and fleeting at best,

Their reasoning and meaning now is anyone’s guess.

It leaves us depressed,

And dealing with a tedious stress,

Yet achievement is the medium through which we’re addressed.

Not easy to rest,

The sleep we seek is devious yes,

Is it really unachievable or teasing us yet?

The people are left,

But feeble now and nearer to death,

They scream for sweet release their needs completely unmet.

The greedy forget,

How easily disease can be spread,

A people- weakened by deceit will start competing for bread.

They need to be led,

By teachers who can preach common sense,

And free the evil feeding on their needless regret

 

V3

It’s stranger to act,

On dangers that are facing the pack,

Than to fade away complacently complaining and fat.

Too lazy for that,

We’re waiting for a savior to snap,

And claim us make us pay for our mistakes and our crap.

Like rating an app,

We’ve basically been trained to react,

Our brains enslaved to pay " escape’s the same as the trap.

We play to relax,

A game that takes the weight off our backs,

The aim to place the blame " remain afraid to interact ->

We’re practically raised,

To back away and practice our praise,

Is our vernacular exactly what enacted this craze?

Impractical ways,

With backward phrases language is frayed,

Detracting from the facts as we compact what we say.

Distracted and dazed,

Too scatterbrained for action or rage,

So how can we be fashioned into passion for change?

Look back at the stage,

And clap your hands for rappers engaged,

Let immaculate vocabulary capture this age.

 

 

Author's Note

If you're going to mistreat it, beat it.

Reviews

[Ashira Macy]

The structure to this one was super unique. It seemed like you set it up in a very traditional way, but the rhyme scheme and rhythm read like a slam or a rap to me. You did a really great job with this, I can't think of anything that needs changing. The message is great as well. Holding people accountable for their actions, and society as a whole. Not many people write on that. Brilliant work!

[AprilRN1210]

isn't it awesome girl?... thank you for coming to check it out!! you rock as always ma'am... ((hugs)) to you!

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks for the feedback Ashira, really glad you enjoyed it, if you like this hopefully you'll enjoy my other works also, I look forward to viewing some of yours! Yes sometimes you just want to take society by the shoulders and shake it to wake it up. I'm here to give honest critiques, show how far rhyming can go, and do my best to squish the (terribly written) 'woe is me' card played too often on this site. A pleasure.

-Robin

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for directing me here April! You always pick out the good ones! XD

Christopher, I am sure I will enjoy taking a dive into your other works as well. Feel free to send me read requests if you want, and I will mosey on over to your profile as well.

[AprilRN1210]

awwww, well thank you ma'am.. I knew you would enjoy it!! pretty freaking awesome... :)

[Kerra]

Love the set up of this piece, I enjoyed this a lot. love your message. all and all awesome write

[C. Rose]

I like the lines "clumsy" and "They need to be led" and the ideas following "it's stranger to act". Fun last line.
I noticed you were also on Writer's Cafe when reading the meet-the-writers for the Concierge.
Nice to meet you :)

[ksscampos]

Immaculate! From the vocabulary to the flow and rhymes, the way you set it up everything fits perfectly. 10/10!!!

[Briana O'Connor]

I love the tremendous amount of depth in this one. There's so much to see and so much to feel. The way you rhyme to effortlessly, melding each phrase together is admirable. Very well penned.

[Alejandra Marie]

What an amazing piece. There's this rhythm to it that is constant and building. Very unique structure and message but also very true. I read about three times and each time it left me in awe. Writing like this is truly inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful job. :)

[Awakened Rose]

Wow. This left me speechless. Not only do you words flow so eloquently, but the meaning behind your words is just as brilliant! Amazing job!! thank you for sharing :)

[Daniel Eckert]

Put some aggressively played electric guitar behind it and you got yourself a pretty awesome punk song. Good job my friend, good job.

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Daniel!
I envisioned it more as a hip hop piece but it could just as easily go punk, thanks for the awesome praise and for stopping by! There's plenty more if you want to have a look, please do!

-Robin

[Bill O. Writes]

Damn powerful message with top notch word selection. Each verse is alluring in turns without neglection. You lay it down real with the reader and establish connection. Publishers would swallow this up, no rejections

[Christopher Robin]

Wow thanks Bill!
Hey if you know any send 'em my way, I'd love to be published for something more than short stories!
thanks for the awesome praise hope you enjoy the rest!

-Robin

[emmajoy]

'It’s stranger to act, ~ On dangers that are facing the pack, ~ Than to fade away complacently complaining and fat. ~ Too lazy for that,'

Having read this twice, having gobble-gobbled it first off, have just had to read it slowly and aloud second time! My immediate response is that there's a drum beating throughout, a distinct rhythm/metre - almost a battle cry.. albeit a long one. I can't write like that so, am more than envious, admiring, whatever!

Seems society or inhibitions bar the way to us being true Humankind, instincts and third eye fading day by day. We living creatures are gradually having life choked out of us, tis too fragile or weak to show unleashed enthusiasm or.. gentleness, to show stoicism or.. empathy. We're playing with a human tragedy neither vibrant nor dead. Perhaps!?

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Emmajoy!

Haha everyone seems to have their favorite moment in this piece, I'm glad you felt a drum behind it as this is intended to become rap lyrics at some point (need a DJ first) (need to learn to rap first). you've picked up on the intended themes nicely, I know the words don't give a lot of answers so much as they highlight problems, but the intended purpose of the piece is to wake up and shake up the passive. The less passive and more passionate we become, the more likely we are to do something about it, this is definitely a battle-cry, a plea, a prayer, a rant and everything all at once. My best attempt to express an incoherent world coherently.
Glad you enjoyed!

-Robin

[emmajoy]

'My best attempt to express an incoherent world coherently.' - you succeeded brilliantly.