Prophets

Something to pierce society's rose-tinted glasses.

Prophets

 

V1

The Heavens opened, rain came tumbling out,

 

A thunderous sound,

 Clumsy but abundantly loud,

The cold front plummeting barometers down.

Apocalypse now,

Our populous is lost in a cloud,

Accosted with the frost a lot of commoners doubt.

They’re possibly drowned,

Apostles to a jostling town,

Hypocrisy’s impossible where nothing is found.

They solemnly vow,

Tomorrow’s where our problems abound,

A population worried with a comical nous.

They’re probably proud,

Accomplished with a commentary how,

Impossible a promise full of honesty sounds.

We follow them round,

Borrowing a sorrowful frown,

While the metropolis has blocked us from the sun and the clouds.

We blunder about,

And plunder what the young have avowed,

Torn asunder by the hunger we keep under a shroud.

We suddenly shout,

How is all this horror allowed?

What have all the cowards we empowered let out?

 

V2

A peace we regret,

Was reached between our needs and our debts,

Now we bleed for our beliefs received from media sets.

Seems it’s a test,

To beat us down and squeeze what’s left,

T.V. the means to feed the dreams in all of our heads.

They clean up the mess,

Its seasonal and fleeting at best,

Their reasoning and meaning now is anyone’s guess.

It leaves us depressed,

And dealing with a tedious stress,

Yet achievement is the medium through which we’re addressed.

Not easy to rest,

The sleep we seek is devious yes,

Is it really unachievable or teasing us yet?

The people are left,

But feeble now and nearer to death,

They scream for sweet release their needs completely unmet.

The greedy forget,

How easily disease can be spread,

A people- weakened by deceit will start competing for bread.

They need to be led,

By teachers who can preach common sense,

And free the evil feeding on their needless regret

 

V3

It’s stranger to act,

On dangers that are facing the pack,

Than to fade away complacently complaining and fat.

Too lazy for that,

We’re waiting for a savior to snap,

And claim us make us pay for our mistakes and our crap.

Like rating an app,

We’ve basically been trained to react,

Our brains enslaved to pay " escape’s the same as the trap.

We play to relax,

A game that takes the weight off our backs,

The aim to place the blame " remain afraid to interact ->

We’re practically raised,

To back away and practice our praise,

Is our vernacular exactly what enacted this craze?

Impractical ways,

With backward phrases language is frayed,

Detracting from the facts as we compact what we say.

Distracted and dazed,

Too scatterbrained for action or rage,

So how can we be fashioned into passion for change?

Look back at the stage,

And clap your hands for rappers engaged,

Let immaculate vocabulary capture this age.

 

 

Author's Note

If you're going to mistreat it, beat it.

Reviews

[Ashira Macy]

The structure to this one was super unique. It seemed like you set it up in a very traditional way, but the rhyme scheme and rhythm read like a slam or a rap to me. You did a really great job with this, I can't think of anything that needs changing. The message is great as well. Holding people accountable for their actions, and society as a whole. Not many people write on that. Brilliant work!

[AprilRN1210]

isn't it awesome girl?... thank you for coming to check it out!! you rock as always ma'am... ((hugs)) to you!

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks for the feedback Ashira, really glad you enjoyed it, if you like this hopefully you'll enjoy my other works also, I look forward to viewing some of yours! Yes sometimes you just want to take society by the shoulders and shake it to wake it up. I'm here to give honest critiques, show how far rhyming can go, and do my best to squish the (terribly written) 'woe is me' card played too often on this site. A pleasure.

-Robin

[Ashira Macy]

Thank you for directing me here April! You always pick out the good ones! XD

Christopher, I am sure I will enjoy taking a dive into your other works as well. Feel free to send me read requests if you want, and I will mosey on over to your profile as well.

[AprilRN1210]

awwww, well thank you ma'am.. I knew you would enjoy it!! pretty freaking awesome... :)

[Stonz P.]

I had written such a detailed review for this wonderful piece, and the site went kaput, yesterday!

I will review this later, when I will have a fresher perspective, as I do not wish to just repeat what I had felt the first time reading it.
This is, I think, your best work in poetry.

[Christopher Robin]

That sucks Stonz P.
That being said, I can only imagine the words you had to say in place of the ones you have given, which have already blown me away! Thank you!

-Robin

[Stonz P.]

As I had promised, I am back on this piece.

The piece is well structured and echoes of the concerns of the free mind aptly.
As I did previously, I'll go through each verse-

V1:
The imagery is spot on and is congruous with the piece. The politicians with their "deep, sugarcoated" lies and the pubic with their ignorant, blinded perceptions deserve each other. It takes an observant mind to see the hollow promises beneath the cover. Haha, this reminds me of an ending snippet of F.R.I.E.N.D.S of the episode where Joey pretends to own a porsche (s6 I guess), though his plot failed very comically, of course. The richer getting richer and the poor poorer kinda scenario, both as a reflection and a metaphor on the society.
Great job, here.

V2:
Ah, the media manipulation. All is very clear in your piece, like the distressing news, the depressing takes on life, the fabricated, fucked up reality of the seasonal shows accompanied by the misleading ads, why would one want to live a positive life?? The practice of having one's own experiences is slowly, but steadily diminishing. Great reflection on that too.

V3:
This is the exact scenario of what follows the manipulation, what the lazy and the ignorant expect.
And the conditioning of people's opinions that follows, ensuring that the manipulation has not gone to waste. And amongst these, the not so knowledgeable suffer to, not knowing where to go, which side to be on, the Rebel Alliance or the Empire... Great work

The way each verse acts as a repercussion for the last is the key to how the piece is connected. One of the best contemporary works I have read.
Kudos to you. And I am not into rap, but would like to hear a demo ;)

[stars are far]

That was very great work and the structure was wll written :)

[Christopher Robin]

Stars are far,

Thank you for your comments and your praise, they mean the world to me! I hope you enjoy reading my other work just as much!

-Robin

[stars are far]

that is always my pleasure, and i will when i get time :)

[AprilRN1210]

This one is deeper and more meaningful than the other pieces I have read of yours... I love some of the real, honest, lines in this one... we need teachers to teach "common sense"... can I say..heck yea!!

"The greedy forget,
How easily disease can be spread,
A people- weakened by deceit will start competing for bread.
They need to be led"........
...........this is a poem all in itself.. and so dang true... the world, unfortunately is full of greedy people who are too caught up in their own world to even care what, or who they hurt, or what part they are playing in the "downfall of man"....

holy hell.. this is freaking amazing.. I have seriously read this one a few times and have to say, awesome.. sheer poetic genius.. I have no idea, why this doesn't have a million reviews by now... quite possibly one of the best ones I have had the pleasure to read on here.. you are awesome at the ability to twist words, phrases into this enchanting melody with meaning and playful rhythm and rhyme... it takes you on this dance that is so pleasing and bewitches your mind into a place you want it to go, without us having any control over it, just enjoying the ride... ok... you get a standing ovation from me on this one... well done!!! no wonder this one is featured at the top of your "list" it is STUNNING...

[AprilRN1210]

by the way, I am sending a few RR to some of my friends to share this amazing piece with.. this one is wayyyy too goood not to share... :)

[Christopher Robin]

Please do! the whole idea is to spread the message! And wow, that praise is unbelievable, thank you so much! I'm honestly honored that someone is enjoying my work to such an extent. It's that sort of encouragement that inspires me to write more and more. I keep entering into competitions and not even getting placed, the ones that win and place truly baffle me, I worry a lot about the moderators of these competitions....

[AprilRN1210]

I have won several with pieces that I don't think are my best.... it is about opinions of the people running them... anyone can open a contest... you or even I can... just their preference... I gauge mine more on the writers opinions that I have come to respect that will give me their honest opinion and constructive criticism... that means more to me than anything... just my thoughts.. and what I do...

[AprilRN1210]

I did... and yes, spread the word I will.. for whatever it is worth... you're welcome..

[Christopher Robin]

Oh I see. Well i suppose it wouldn't be hard for someone to have two accounts, one that starts competitions to moderate them and one to enter them, then they can always choose themselves as the winner to earn points. But of course I'm sure there's no one out there who would ever dare ;) I agree constructive criticism is always the best. I always try to give my honest opinion :)

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

you don't get points for it.. just medals I thought and what use are they?... bragging rights?.. who cares.. doesn't show on the poem... somewhere hidden in your profile.. so what.. I have several and don't even know where they are "kept"...lol
a lot of trouble for nothing... in my opinion anyway... I have seen a few of your reviews, which piqued my curiosity to check out your work for that very reason.. you don't leave generic ones and that is refreshing to me... so there, now you know my secret:)

[Christopher Robin]

Ah I love the unraveling of secrets it's like early Xmas! Interesting again, well I'll be happy if i win anything and not too bothered if I don't :)
And yes, obviously there's no concrete 'right' or 'wrong' when it comes to prose or poetry, but there's so much out there that barely makes sense or is just such a cry for attention that people need to learn the difference between keeping a diary and making a face book post. They should rename their poems to "gone fishin'" :)

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

well Merry Christmas Christopher Robin... :P
and yes.. most of it on here, bores me... so when I come across pieces like yours I get excited...

[Rene Salinas]

Well, Christopher the last thing I would want to do is to mistreat it not in my nature as your writing is to me a thing a beauty. I like the fact that it is condensed but not clustered, I like the fact that it is defiant yet not disrespectful or aggresive in any way. I more than relate to some of the words and hopefully meaning as I fel a sense of reciprocity while I read. Not sure if intended but there is a sharps use of humour in hope to corrode the vacuity of the superfluous. The ending imbued with satire and a demonstration of disgust.

I am glad to have come to meet your writing.

Thankyou

[Christopher Robin]

You're most welcome! Thank you for your artfully articulate response! You are correct in everything you picked up on in this piece, I can only hope now you enjoy meeting the rest of it, I'll be sure to stop by for a view or two.

-Robin

[Sophy Freebirds]

I liked the structure of this poem. I have a thing for rhyme- you did a good job here.. Iyou have coined each phrases with such strong words- it makes the reader's mind think. First part about the coming of shower- beautifully expressed.. it contains the pathetic hypocrisy of our society.. the last stanza advocates the need for action. Which i kinds liked."rating an app"- this poem is just an amalgation of exquisite and contemporary english.. great work..

~Sophy

[Christopher Robin]

Thank you very much Sophy for the kind review. I'm glad you've interpreted/enjoyed it as it was intended. The subjects expressed in the poem here are ones that cause me no end of grief, the last verse hints at others' attempts to capture and express the same thing artlessly and unskillfully. It seems people are tracking down my work due to my harsh critiques that I have been scattering across many other 'poets' pages. I only wish to speak and hear the truth; yours was much appreciated.

-Robin

[Sophy Freebirds]

You tell the truth.. being honest is not a crime. But may be nowadays people are not so flexible to appreciation as well as criticism... their bad!! They won't improve. ★takecare★

[A. Amos]

Loved the structure here, great details, and awesome finish!

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks A. Amos! Glad you enjoyed it.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

"The Heavens opened, rain came tumbling out,



A thunderous sound,

Clumsy but abundantly loud,

The cold front plummeting barometers down.

Apocalypse now,

Our populous is lost in a cloud,

Accosted with the frost a lot of commoners doubt.

They’re possibly drowned,

Apostles to a jostling town,

Hypocrisy’s impossible where nothing is found."~ Captivating piece!!

I must say, this is the first poem I've read of yours, and I am truly impressed...

This is classic.... each verse supporting the other, creating a harmonious work of art...

Nicely penned!

Robbie~xoxo~:)

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Robbie, glad you enjoyed it! I hope you enjoy my other work also, lots of it is in a similar fashion. I'll do my best to check out some of yours also!
:)

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

I love how you crafted and
Thank you for sharing put this piece together.



Different for me have only read 2 or 3 Rhyming
writes on here sounds more like a song :)


I do Free verse I am more of a
poet/writer not much of a singer
or rapper always had more of a passion to write.



We’re practically raised,

To back away and practice our praise,

Is our vernacular exactly what enacted this craze?

Impractical ways,

With backward phrases language is frayed,

Detracting from the facts as we compact what we say.

Distracted and dazed,

Too scatterbrained for action or rage,

So how can we be fashioned into passion for change?


Blessings. Benita/ Kindred poet

[Christopher Robin]

Hey Benita thanks for the feedback!

Yes it's a shame there's not more rhyming poetry out there, I'm looking to change that. They are in fact lyrics but I've listed them as poetry simply because the song is not produced yet.

Free verse is lots of fun and I look forward to checking out some of your work :)

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

you're welcome. I enjoyed reading this piece. Blessings. Benita/ Kindred poet