My Christmas Eve

My Christmas Eve

A Poem by Azure Montessa (Blue)
"

2013

"

I put on my mourning clothes
locked myself in my room
wrote the first chapter of the novel I will never finish
went downstairs to pee
saw spaghetti, chicken, and salad on the table
ate a bowl of salad
felt sick to my stomach
fought the urge to throw up
heard my mother's invitation to go to mass together
turned her down
went to my room
checked my phone for messages
reread my writing
labeled it as utter nonsense
considered burning it
changed my mind
kept it under a pile of other drafts
stared at the ceiling
wondered what other people  might be up to
missed my darling
remembered he hadn't sent me a single message confirming he's still alive
hated him
missed him to the point of insanity
buried my head under the pillow
thought of him some more
thought of him no more
got out of my bed
grabbed a book from my shelf
lost myself between pages
remembered it's Christmas eve
remembered baby Jesus
tried to cheer myself up
smiled
looked like the most stupid pretender ever
stopped trying
sank down
cried...
asked for forgiveness
wished for death.

© 2013 Azure Montessa (Blue)



Author's Note

Azure Montessa (Blue)
My worst Christmas eve in my history. I hope you had a good one. Cheers!

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Reviews

In a way this is humorous...a step by step account of the banality of the everyday.
Cute.

Enjoyed the read.
Scott

Posted 3 Years Ago


Blue

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much, Scott!
Scott Metro

3 Years Ago

:)
Scott......
Wow, Blue that was really sad, Christmas time can be some of the most somber, depressing times of the year. I've learned that sometimes all you can really do is just wade through it and pick out of it what you can to enjoy. Don't feel too bad, there are a lot of people out there that had a crappy Christmas too. Things will get better for you, I'm quite sure of it, for you have the talent and fire to go places, even after dark and depressing Christmases.

I've had a number of dark ones myself, but trust me, better days -- and happier Christmases are in your future. Until then, keep writing about it, and I for one am very interested in the first chapter of that novel you wrote. You are in inspiration to a lot of people, Blue, even your account of a bad Christmas Eve might help someone. It sounds crazy, but you might be surprised. Hang in there, dear girl!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Blue

3 Years Ago

Haha. I felt like a five-year-old when you said "dear girl". So sweet. :P Thanks a lot, Eddie.
Life is hard and a holiday does not wash it all away. I can only hope that things get better and you feel more peace.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Blue

3 Years Ago

Thank you, Ice. Things are getting better now.
icelandicblue

3 Years Ago

Good, I am happy for you.
Well dear Blue you are not alone in this experience. And you will work it through. This gives us a very descriptive account of your Christmas emotions. You will get through it and whatever happens there is another day when you will feel love.

Posted 3 Years Ago


Blue

3 Years Ago

Come back to this site, John! Haha. I really missed you.
you painted it so well tho' Blue, please do not look upon it as an ending, but as a new start

Posted 3 Years Ago


Blue

3 Years Ago

Thank you, Doc. It's so nice of you to say that.

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Added on December 26, 2013
Last Updated on December 26, 2013
Tags: Christmas, sad Christmas


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