I Adore

Someone special

The smell of roasted beans fill the room

as I take a sip from my cup of burnt and frozen coffee.

I watch the ice melt as she takes off her jacket.

"Hello". I take my 5th sip of coffee.

The smell of charred beans I've forgotten

as I stare into brown coffee. Brown hair.

Ice continue to melt. Brown eyes met.

"Where is everyone else?". I take another sip.

She pulled a chair in a two seat table.

I saw the ice melt. Bonnet on her hair.

My cup is sweating. A jacket tied on her hips.

"Where's mine?!", she left the chair slightly tilted.

The smell of her enchanted cologne is all I see.

The brown wavy hair turned golden as the sun peeked.

I remember the smell of charred beans now.

I took my 8th sip as the sun blinks once more.

Author's Note

Criticize me please! I want to become better!

Reviews

[Ethan]

Consider left aligning your poem. There is something about the center alignment that sometimes makes a poem look a bit immature to me. (This is not always the case). I suggest working a bit on economy of language as well. For example, does the word "clearly" really add anything before "remember"? I think it would be interesting if you drew a line between your cup sweating and your own anxiety at meeting this person--if indeed anxiety is what you are trying to convey (though that nervousness at meeting someone special to you or to whom you are attracted is the feel I got from the poem.) I like the compulsive or awkward sipping of coffee in the poem. It's evocative of the way one looks for something to do with oneself when one is unsure how to act or what to say. Nice images! I hope this helps.

[Hurry]

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!! You're a great help! I hope this will help me improve! THANKS AGAIN!

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

The smell of roasted beans fill the room.
I sip from my burnt coffee, feeling frozen.
The ice melts as she removes her jacket.
" Hello ", I take a quick sip of coffee.

The smell of charred beans, I 'd forgotten.
I stare into my brown coffee. Soft brown hair.
Ice continues to melt. Deep brown eyes meet.
" Where is everyone else?", Another sip.


But, I am not a trained poet. I like the shyness of this piece.

[Paul Bell]

Don't see a lot wrong with it to criticise. I think it's great.

[Coyote Poetry]

Coffee shop, good coffee and good company. Perfect place and poetry. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Hurry]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! I really like your poems!!! This is very uplifting. Especially that it's you who said it! Thanks AGAIN

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm glad and you are welcome.

[Nathan the Sane]

This is really something. The coffee references are fantastic (the ''burnt and frozen coffee'' is brilliant!), and the feelings of love are great. Keep up the good work!

[Hurry]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! It feels great to know that someone like you appreciates my work! I really love your work! Thank you again!

[Lumix Spectra]

Looking forward to more of your work