I Adore

I Adore

A Poem by Hurry
"

Someone special

"
The smell of roasted beans fill the room
as I take a sip from my cup of burnt and frozen coffee.
I watch the ice melt as she takes off her jacket.
"Hello". I take my 5th sip of coffee.

The smell of charred beans I've forgotten
as I stare into brown coffee. Brown hair.
Ice continue to melt. Brown eyes met.
"Where is everyone else?". I take another sip.

She pulled a chair in a two seat table.
I saw the ice melt. Bonnet on her hair.
My cup is sweating. A jacket tied on her hips.
"Where's mine?!", she left the chair slightly tilted.

The smell of her enchanted cologne is all I see.
The brown wavy hair turned golden as the sun peeked.
I remember the smell of charred beans now.
I took my 8th sip as the sun blinks once more.




© 2017 Hurry



Author's Note

Hurry
Criticize me please! I want to become better!

My Review

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Featured Review

Consider left aligning your poem. There is something about the center alignment that sometimes makes a poem look a bit immature to me. (This is not always the case). I suggest working a bit on economy of language as well. For example, does the word "clearly" really add anything before "remember"? I think it would be interesting if you drew a line between your cup sweating and your own anxiety at meeting this person--if indeed anxiety is what you are trying to convey (though that nervousness at meeting someone special to you or to whom you are attracted is the feel I got from the poem.) I like the compulsive or awkward sipping of coffee in the poem. It's evocative of the way one looks for something to do with oneself when one is unsure how to act or what to say. Nice images! I hope this helps.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hurry

11 Months Ago

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!! You're a great help! I hope this will help me improve! THANKS AGAIN!



Reviews

The smell of roasted beans fill the room.
I sip from my burnt coffee, feeling frozen.
The ice melts as she removes her jacket.
" Hello ", I take a quick sip of coffee.

The smell of charred beans, I 'd forgotten.
I stare into my brown coffee. Soft brown hair.
Ice continues to melt. Deep brown eyes meet.
" Where is everyone else?", Another sip.


But, I am not a trained poet. I like the shyness of this piece.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Don't see a lot wrong with it to criticise. I think it's great.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Coffee shop, good coffee and good company. Perfect place and poetry. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 11 Months Ago


Hurry

11 Months Ago

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! I really like your poems!!! This is very uplifting. Especially that it's you w.. read more
Coyote Poetry

11 Months Ago

I'm glad and you are welcome.
Consider left aligning your poem. There is something about the center alignment that sometimes makes a poem look a bit immature to me. (This is not always the case). I suggest working a bit on economy of language as well. For example, does the word "clearly" really add anything before "remember"? I think it would be interesting if you drew a line between your cup sweating and your own anxiety at meeting this person--if indeed anxiety is what you are trying to convey (though that nervousness at meeting someone special to you or to whom you are attracted is the feel I got from the poem.) I like the compulsive or awkward sipping of coffee in the poem. It's evocative of the way one looks for something to do with oneself when one is unsure how to act or what to say. Nice images! I hope this helps.

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hurry

11 Months Ago

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!! You're a great help! I hope this will help me improve! THANKS AGAIN!
This is really something. The coffee references are fantastic (the ''burnt and frozen coffee'' is brilliant!), and the feelings of love are great. Keep up the good work!

Posted 11 Months Ago


Hurry

11 Months Ago

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! It feels great to know that someone like you appreciates my work! I really lov.. read more
Looking forward to more of your work

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 20, 2016
Last Updated on August 27, 2017

Author

Hurry
Hurry

Philippines



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