A quiet Moment

 

the soothing smell

of citrus trees

and the pungent one

of fig trees.

the chirping of

unaffected birds,

the demented hustling

of ants carrying a

dead beetle on its

funeral procession.

a feast.

and me here.

the heat is softer

on my skin.

the sun less burdening

on my eyes.

the flowers’ colors

brighter than my

yester years.

there is a war

going on.

many dying.

much crying.

an ant crawls up

my leg.

I flick it to the distance

where it lays flaccidly.

we all live through

trials and tribulations

dangling from

a flimsy yarn.

Reviews

[JC]

While others would focus on the more pivotal lines, it is these that have the most significance for me:
"and me here.the heat is softer on my skin. the sun less burdening on my eyes..."

It's there, that small glimmer of peace, a chance to rest the mind, if only for a moment.

A moving piece. JC

[Desert Dreamer]

Great descriptions of small things that go unnoticed by most people. I like your poem.

[Li Li]

It's amazing what can be seen when one takes the time to view things in a different perspective. Not many would sit paying so much attention to little critters running around, or doing their work; let alone turn it into a muse. It's such a wonderous thing to watch such a small creature carry such large things (well large to them). I often find myself smiling at ants on the sidewalk when you see them struggling to carry something across the pavement. Determined little guys they are.

And, flicking the ant.... stunning him.... definitely brought a smile.

You put forth something very metaphoric to life in general. We all serve a purpose, and at times, there is something larger than us that can create a set back.

Bless!

[PianoandPage]

cabala.

sir. you are elegant. i really love the progression from a purely relaxed natural state... observing the beauty of the world ... being led to the parrallel between ants and soldiery. it's an amazing write.

the only thing that tripped me up was

"many dying.
much crying"

which spatially, and ryhme-wise seemed completely unnecessary.

[Emily B]

I like the title. It seems to me there is no quieter moment.

[Steve Thompson]

A direct write, that speaks on many other levels...a few lines I thought had flavor and humor in it...there is a war going on. A few dying, A few crying, an ant crawls up my leg....ha I laughed and nodded. Solid piece...interesting to say to least.

[RachelleB]

i could feel myself slip in this "quiet moment" and let myself wander in the thoughts you state here...love some of the rhymes alot, very creatively written...overall a very good write

[Rambling Prose]

I love how this piece begins with the soothing scents of citrus & pungent scents of fig trees: For me, this set the stage for the rest of this richly endowed piece, which painted for me - two contrasts - and my mind's eye didn't see it until I read these lines:

"there is a war - going on. many dying. much crying." This prompted me to read through it several more times!

This piece, on a whole, spoke to me of the soothing smell of citrus & pungent stench of war - the bittersweet reality of WAR, beauty amidst chaos.

The chatter of hard hearts who are unaffected, coexisting side-by-side, with those who bury their dead, and the narrator plunged in the midst of it all, taking a moment to quietly reflect on what life used to be like. Flicking an ant from his leg paints a picture (for me) of how fragile life is and the stark reality of climbing high one minute, full of life and laying flat on our backs the next.

Wow! the more I ruminate on your words, the more I see - Having said that: this is an EXCELLENT piece of writing and evokes much thought to ponder!

[SM Davis]

Another extremely well written imagery piece. I agree with Legion...in the end, we are all ants.

[Legion]

An interesting contemplation of life. In the end, we are all little ants flicked or flung off with ease. Well done.