I'd rather not care

This is very old and not very good, but I want to post it anyway...I wrote it for a poetry slam a while ago

I look at the world around me

and all I see is suffering

Poverty and starvation

War and oppression

I’d rather not care

I look at my country

and all I see is injustice

kids getting shot for the color of their skin

loving couples who aren’t allowed to be married

I’d like to ignore it

I look at my life

and all I can see

is yet another useless cog

in this machine that is our world.

I’d rather not care

that I won’t be remembered.

I’d like to ignore

my own imperfections.

I think I’d be happier

if I could choose not to care--

But I can’t

Reviews

[Slow Leak]

Great poem, but reality can't and shouldn't be ignored. Truth is the most important thing we have. Whatever is out there in the world is out there in the world. It exists and we have to face it as a group.

[747]

You have a strong premise. It often would be so much easier if nothing mattered, yet we cannot just let it all go. We have to care. We have to keep working the hard road.

S3 L3, "maching" should be "machine", you probably accidentally hit the wrong key.
I also think, that because you change ideas, in Stanza 3 you may want to split it between lines 3 and 4.

Your ending could be more powerful. The third line in your last stanza sparks some confusion. It makes it seem like you are negating the line that came before it. And while repetition can strengthen a piece, too much can instead deteriorate it.
I would actually suggest combining the last half of S3 with S4;

"I'd rather not care
that I won't be remembered
I'd like to ignore
my own imperfections-
I think I'd be happier
if I could choose to slight them"

And then using the last stanza to say, But I can't, that isn't me/human nature, I'll have to go on; whatever you want to say to wrap it up.

I think that would take your poem the next step, but this is only all my opinion. I still like, and can very much relate to your premise. Old or not, a good write.

[Cagan]

Thanks for the review! I took some of your suggestions. Part of the reason for the repetition is that this was originally a spoken word poem, but I totally see how it can take away from the piece when its just being read, not orated. Also, thanks for pointing out the typo :)

[747]

*STANDING OVATION* Yes!! This is great. I love what you did. =]

[Marie]

I have learned not to care about problems I can't solve. I am able to help people on a one-to-one basis, and figure that has to be enough.