Sunset

 I watched as you kissed her

On the beach

Next to the river

As the sparks from the fire

Rose like fireflies

          Kissing the sky.

It brought me back to the time

When you were kissing me

On a beach

As the sun set

And the sky was pink and orange,

Our silhouettes like dark boulders

          Melded into one.

In your kiss

Was the promise of the moon

Rising above the hills behind us

Striving to hold up the sky

Above a glorious ocean

That rose and fell from the luminous giant.

But we left when the sun fell into the ocean,

Sinking to the depths

Where the whales and the seaweed

Would tuck it in for night.

And you left before the moon

Peeked out cautiously into a cloudless night.

And I realized

That you live somewhere

In between

     The setting of the sun

          And the rising of the moon,

And that the weight of your mouth

Still lays on my lips

Like a rock in the sand,

And that on this New Moon

Your lips continued to graze hers

Without fear of a lunar pull

Sweeping you out with the tide.

It was Wistfulness and Common Sense

That politely took my hand and led me away

Whispering wisdom that you were never really mine

          Nor are you hers

But you belong in the sky

Shining down on the water

On a cloudless night.

 

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

I liked the way you chose to show this piece. Your words and descriptions painted a picture easily in my mind, and I could feel the emotions planted deep in these words. Wonderful write.

[Jeberle]

This is a great poem, very complex. I liked your use of images to illustrate your emotions instead of just saying what you were feeling. I especially liked "Our silhouettes like dark boulders" and "fireflies/kissing the sky." The personification of Wistfulness and Common Sense appearing to lead you away seemed a little out of place with the rest of the setting, though, and you might consider a different way to end it.

In all, a very well-written poem. Keep up the good work.

[This Page Does Not Exis..]

Wow this is glorious. Gosh, my emotions ran back and forth like the waves in your writing. Lovely. The yearning for unobtainable love is so strong, and beautiful in this piece. I feel your longing so deeply (sigh). Thank you for sharing, a truly painted-poem.

~Nancy

[Kaye]

The mix of the sparking of the fire and the dancing of the ocean and all the warm and cool colors made me shiver. It's such a sweet and enlightened poem.
The format is amazing also; it looks like the ocean waves lapping at the shore. For me, that added so much to the poem.

[Antonio Valentino]

Left me with a real cold and empty feeling.
An extremely well written, but sad write.

Not sure if my setting sun will ever look the same, again.

Rich

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"It was Wistfulness and Common Sense
That politely took my hand and led me away
Whispering wisdom that you were never really mine
Nor are you hers
But you belong in the sky
Shining down on the water
On a cloudless night."
Such beautiful and gentle realisation to end a wonderful write. Lovely expressions, setting everything perfectly for the reader to sense the emotions behind the words.
Thank you for sharing

[Mistral Bilgera]

love this! the longing, love and pain... it's there! salute!