Momentary Relapse of Mind Cancer

Another 10 word challenge. This time, it had to be a prose poem or journal entry. The words: imagine, ant, wandering, tree, shade, wildly, tears, fall, gently, umbrella

Today, when I had a moment to myself, I turned off the TV, the computer, and the radio, and went outside, to enjoy... the natural world.

 

Wandering aimlessly about the landscaped court-yard, I found a patch of shade beneath a Sycamore tree, and let myself fall into the lush, cool grass, flat on my back, looking up into the leafy umbrella above me. Gingerly, a soft breeze coaxed at the greenery, and I could imagine that one day, perhaps the wind would finally woo the leaves, and they would up and fly away, still green, refusing to turn brown and fall into a scatter on my lawn come Autumn's chill nights and shorter days. Wildly, yet vividly, I could see them dance with the wind, those big verdant leaves --lovers inseparable doing a two-step across the azure sky, stepping ever higher as they twirled.The pillowed clouds made their staircase.

 

Ah, to be a leaf, or a cloud, or the wind, for just one moment, to be a part of the sky. I must admit that, looking up into the heavens I could spy betwixt the branches, I felt as insignificant as an ant; yet, in that moment, I rather enoyed that thought. Significance can come at great cost.

 

Then, came the sound of a car horn honking... and the moment was gone, as though it had never been at all. To be a small town girl living in the city sometimes nearly tears my mind into little shreds of paper. To be an insignificant bumpkin again, I'd give most anything.

Author's Note

Notice, I used tears as to rip apart, not as tears that you cry. It was not specified which way it had to be used in, and I wanted to avoid the wet rain images that the words so obviously could lead one into. I tried to seek a different path.
This is not my usual sort of write, but I thought I'd experiment, for the 10 word Challenge. I always love a challenge.

Reviews

[Vlazuvius]

This was really cool. Good job, especially as it was for a contest and not just out of the ether. I love the imagery of the leaves taking flight. It's probably the most striking part of the piece. I can also relate to the overarching theme, of being a country person in the city. I don't know if it's "really" you, or if it's just a fictional narrator, but it resonates. The comma after "Then" in the last sentence doesn't seem to fit, but then I really had to read it three or four times to come up with any kind of criticism to give you.

[Helena]

Wonderful write indeed. Beautiful imagery with very creative use of the 10 words!
I just loved how you used the word "tear". All in all a fantastic write for Tovli's
contest....thank you for entering this. Much enjoyed!

Helena

[angelinmypocket]

The aspect of visualizing complete freedom is so clearly prevelant in your story. Reminds me of the song, "what a day for a daydream." A great way to use the ten words. Wonderful for the challenge.
Love/Liz/angelinmypocket

[angelina neves]

very beautiful! I like it!

[Michael Carr]

loved the idea of the piece and the message it represents. very true to life and very deep.
your voice transfers well from your poetry to your stories, and really keeps up with the added length. I found it completely captivating from start to finish.
well done again. excellent work.

[Drifting Blue]

A very simple piece. I love the way you just let it be what it is without any overheated description. That is the beauty of it that it is real and whole and possible. Ah, to be a leaf, or a cloud, or the wind, for just one moment, to be a part of the sky. I love the echo of Thomas Wolfe here. I could imagine that one day, perhaps the wind would finally woo the leaves, and they would up and fly away, still green, refusing to turn brown. Another wonderful, life affirming image. Well said.

[Omar]

"Significance can come at great cost."
Genius
You know, nature really tends to take us back to our roots, to leave us afloat in an unreal world where we just.. lose ourselves. And that's the most beautiful part, we never even have to think, or evaluate, just watch, gaze, let our eyes float away with the "blades of grass and bellowing clouds" which you depict. It just makes us feel ethereal fro a while. And yes, technology can be a pain. But I think the picture you've painted here is an immortalization of something so fragile, so beautiful, and so soothing.
Thank you for sharing :)
O

[The Outlaws' Song]

I think you came up with a very very nice story. I wish you good luck in the contest.
I love your story and i shall keep it in my library:)