Climbing Out

days, 

and weeks, 

months into years,

I no longer saw the light

I struggled with the tasks 

of everyday life, I hid my 

falling apart on long drives, 

my daughter in the back seat.

That crack was widening, everything

was falling in. I clung, teeth 

clenched, bloody nails,

to the side of that 

abyss, I no longer 

believed in the

possibility of 

happiness, 

for me

but

but because

I had this child

I hung on until I gained

a foothold, then another

found a chink for my hand

began, slowly, painstakingly

crawling, hand-over-hand, out.

It was a long, long, long way to the top

and because there was no light,

I could only feel my way,

following the sound

of my child

laughing

in

the

distance

so far away

following that sound

like a beacon, as I felt

my fingers reach over the top

I saw the first beam of light wash

over the sea, emitted from the lighthouse

that had, in fact, still remained in my heart,

but was only hidden and buried under

layers and layers of pain, loss, anger,

despair, loathing, sadness, 

confusion, too deep to

describe with

words

and

out

once out

though tender-

footed, vulnerable,

aching, I walked and walked,

I swam, I hired a boat, I caught

the wing of a seagull, I grew a fish's tail

until I transversed that sea, back to my heart,

and there I tended the light until it grew strong

enough to be my torch. I rekindled that fire

within me, I fanned its flames, they

licked my insides, reminding me

I am still alive. I took that fire

with me. It burns in me.

Brightly. It is joy

happiness

it will not

let the

dark

back

in.

Reviews

[Maria]

This is beautiful and somehow it reminds me of the time in which my parents forcefully took my baby away at the age of 7 and a half, and kept her away from me, for two and a half years. I wanted to die, and I thought she would never love me again, and I almost gave up, but than God came and picked me up and told me to not give up and the day would come when she and I would be together again. The day came, and as she was finally back with me, I could do nothing but feel overjoyed. We went through some tough times together and we both pulled through. And she is now close to becoming a young adult and I am half scared to death! But I love her so.