Two Kites Through Infinity

Two people remember all of the challenges they have overcome together

Two Kites Through Infinity

Every obstacle we've found colossal

Has never proven to be insurmountable

We stand at the helm of this chronicle

From which we can decipher every parable

Remember when we would falter before the altar

Of the mewing aspirations we forged together

Gloom bloomed and drew us in like a magnetic force

But stubborn we were to create euphonic colors

To alter the dismal pigments of this world

And now we've reached the reward we've fought for

Every obstacle we've found colossal

Has never proven to be insurmountable

We stand at the helm of this chronicle

From which we can decipher every parable

We are kites soaring through infinity

Now far beyond the friction of gravity

Where we glister in the light of possibility

Side by side, you and I continue our journey

Remember when the artistic liquids in my veins drained

And black bruises from contempt and pain I sustained

You saved me from the maleficence marauding my heart

And when blood raindrops rapped on your window frame

On that tragic day he gave his life to keep you safe

I was there to keep Depression from tearing you apart

Hand in hand, we've ascended every mountain

Every obstacle we've found colossal

Has never proven to be insurmountable

We stand at the helm of this chronicle

From which we can decipher every parable

We are kites soaring through infinity

Now far beyond the friction of gravity

Where we glister in the light of possibility

Side by side, you and I continue our journey

Hand in hand, we've ascended every mountain

Author's Note

It's certainly been a while since I last wrote anything remotely resembling a song, that's for sure. I probably spent close to two hours writing this piece, and I just made myself not obsess about omitting words that I have used in previous pieces before, and once I did that, I found that the whole writing process felt fun again. Even if this isn't the best piece I've ever written, I'm just glad to have enjoyed writing lyrics again. It's been way too long! :)

Reviews

[D Connolly]

I love it! A very hopeful song! Makes me hold my head up a bit higher. "Every obstacle we've found colossal, Has never proven to be insurmountable" Its the beginning of something awesome "We stand at the helm of this chronicle" and encourages greatness "now far beyond the friction of gravity". Tremendous; the more I read it, the better I like it

[DoormanDan]

I'm glad you liked it! I will admit that I'm not the biggest fan of this piece, as it was very forced, and looking back at it, I do think some lines are clumsy, but regardless, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Maybe someday I'll rewrite it into something stronger. Thanks for reading! :)

[.]

It certainly reads like song lyrics to me; it doesn't have the structure of a poem.

I can see you have spent considerable time on this; the piece is very well worded. And that is also the source of your displeasure while writing it, i imagine. Sometimes we try to be too perfect and over extend our poetic reach, when simplicity could produce the same spirit in the words.

Either way, your write is very well done and the idea of two kites as metaphors for two lovers or friends is well defined. A fine write.

[DoormanDan]

Yeah, I won't ever hesitate to admit that the main reason I wrote this was just to get myself writing again. I just chose an idea and went with it. Overall, this piece is alright, but far from my best or most passionate piece. It was just me overcoming the laziness that had been plaguing me for too long. There's actually one piece on here (Dr. Doppler Effect) that I spent 3 weeks working on, and had fun the entire time I was writing it. Just goes to show how far a bit of passion can take you with creative endeavors, doesn't it? Thanks for reviewing. :)

[Diamond]

I love this poem. It reminds me of my own story from several perspectives. In a way for me the two people are I and myself. And I have others whom I can relate this with too. Its such an amazing write. I love this line

"Every obstacle we've found colossal
Has never proven to be insurmountable"

Such an inspiring and hope filled poem. Great one!

[1VJ]

Addressing your author's note first off, it should always be fun, you're making it way too complicated. :)

Affecting and intelligently written, like the two kites extended metaphor. Great flow and rhymes too.

'Remember when the artistic liquids in my veins drained'

Favorite line from my favorite verse, but if you want me to take you seriously, don't use that color text again. ;)

[DoormanDan]

Yep, I have a tendency to make things too complicated. Bei g both passionate and a perfectionist does that. This is definitely not my best work, but I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway. :)

[Emily]

Lovely wording!
Keep it up!!

[ranscan]

Two Kites Through Infinity, the title is a lovely hook. The word euphonic, very interesting application, that works well. The idea of two people saving each other is nicely played here, though I would note that the size of your chorus would allow you to expand on the story line. A repeat with perhaps a little change of the first verse following the second and third would work as well. By the way, you have done a wonderful job at producing something which is gender friendly, that is other than the one he in the fourth stanza.
A minor point about colored text: Yes it can be fun, however its use can diminish the number of readers that will get to enjoy your work.

[ranscan]

Oh, and a post note: The use of the word "glister", was glisten or glitter what was meant? Or is this a word created for a specific purpose?

[DoormanDan]

Hey, thanks for the honest review, I really appreciate it! I see what you mean with the chorus, and am not at all surprised, as this is very far from my best work. This is something I'm thinking of rewriting someday, if I ever have the time and inspiration. I honestly wasn't even thinking of gender with this piece as much as I was just trying to tell a story, but hey, "gender friendly" isn't a bad thing in my book!

And yeah, the main reason I do what i do with the font color and format is, as you stated yourself, it's fun! Most of the time, when I write, a color tends to come to mind for me that describes the pieces "personality", and I always want to put it in because I almost can't stand the boring, black default text used on the site. Sometimes I do get carried away (in the past, more than anything), but I do try my best to maintain some levels of restraint. As much as I don't mind popularity on this site, I'm not really here for that. I'm just here to have fun expressing myself in my own way, and if people decide it's not their taste, that's their opinions, and I respect them. However, I think I might try making two versions of each piece I write from now on; one that is just me having fun with formatting, and one for people who aren't really fans of such whacky shenanigans. Thank you so much for reviewing! :)

[DoormanDan]

Oh, I completely forgot about the other thing you asked about. Glister is an actual word, meaning to glitter/sparkle. :)

[ranscan]

For some reason when I first cane across the word "glister" in this work, and went to look it up, somehow I made some sort of error and was unable to do what I did today, which is actually find it. It could be the 1001 adds for the Amway product, however no excuses, it was my mistake. Further to what I found, glister is from what I read the noun version of the word, as a verb which may better suit the placement you have given it one of the following might work better: ‎(third-person singular simple present glisters, present participle glistering, simple past and past participle glistered), there was an example from Shakespeare quoted "all that glisters is not gold". Of course as you are using an old english word in a 21st century poem, which is not being presented to a committee of professors of english literature whom are deciding the fate of your masters thesis simply on the basis of this work, it is not that important.

[DoormanDan]

I doubled checked; glister does have a noun and a verb form, and both essentially mean the same thing. I would have used glisters instead if I had used "I" instead of "We" in the line. Thank you for pointing that out though, it's always good to double check things. :)

[Robert Haigh]

Some of the imagery is slightly Dylanesque, to my mind - especially the stuff he was writing in the '60s and '70s. I like the kites metaphor... soaring high and ever higher, but still grounded by their string. These lyrics have the makings of a fine song. Not a pop song - too complicated for that. More the thinking man's singer-songwriter genre. I enjoyed reading this.

[DoormanDan]

Thank you, I'm happy that you think this is good. It definitely isn't my best, but it marked the start of me coming out of a dry period writing wise. :)

[Amber Lily]

This poem has multiple meanings to me, but the one that stands out the most is that even after death we still have each other. As long as you're with someone you love, not is impossible even in the afterlife. I have no idea if that was your intended meaning, but it's what I got out of it :)

I actually do the same thing now and find writing a lot easier! If you avoid commonly used words, along with words that you personally use a lot, the writing feels a lot more special and unique. I'm working on a writing project with a friend, and I also found during this that if I don't use the words 'you' or 'I' that the poem sounds a lot more mystical. Great work as always Dan :)

[DoormanDan]

I can definitely see where you're coming from with your interpretation of this piece, and there most certainly isn't anything wrong with it. Usually, unless I'm intentionally trying to tell a concrete story, my pieces are usually just meant to be flexible to some extent meaning wise. Thanks for reading :)

[Valentine]

Song, not for youngsters today. Your word usage is so brilliant they would never understand it. Listen to the old songs more!..Valentine

[DoormanDan]

Yeah, I don't really listen to that much old music. Every once in a while I do, but I think the oldest thing I listen to on a regular basis is from 1996 or something. I'm definitely branching out music wise though! :)