She

an awakening of a woman

“And the Day Came when the Risk to Remain in a Tight Bud was more Painful Than the Risk it took to Blossom”

-         Anais Nin   

 

She was an empty sketch, hollow, vacant, cavernous.

She had once been resplendent, expressive, rich in detail

This woman had been a vividly alive at one point, but then she had let the pain, others control her, slowly dragging her down

 

And so she protected herself, she let herself become concerned with appearance, her unconventional lines and riot of living colour.

She felt vulnerable about the texture that comprised her depths.

So,.... she cloaked herself and her life, she retreated, and she ended up looking like everyone else.

 

She “fitted in”, she “blended”, was bland, and never let herself get carried away anymore

She became neat and boringly acceptable and she never let herself stray outside the lines of the sketch with her previous abandon, and  unquenchable desire for more.

She forgot to live, she forgot to paint, she forgot to colour

But this life was slowly beginning to kill her.

She was no longer a colour, she was brown, She was withering, She was dying inside.

She never really fitted in like everyone else, �"and it was only when she died, she began to wonder if she should have even tried, why she had tried to be “nothing”.

 Then she was reborn through pain, through chance, through a trick of cruel fate that changed her body, and that hope grew and flickered to life. This woman woke up and realized that no matter how different she was sometimes�"this was who she was, who she should be.

Fighting her rebirth, was never an option, only compliance.

Fighting would have only brought disaster, acceptance brought hope.

And she was sure of that now�"she knew she couldn’t be anything else.

She would always be the abstract, the offbeat, the unorthodox riot.

So she turned her back on routine, the set patterns of indistinct hues, she became the sketch ready again for the iridescent tones, the irregular lines, the wild strokes.

Never to sleep again.

She set off on a journey to live�"to colour herself with as much living as possible.

To create a kaleidoscope of life,

She grasped the opportunities, she opened up to strangers, she infected everyone  she could with the message of living not just existing

She laughed, she hurt, she cried, she lived.

She didn’t care for opinions of others; she painted her sketch with passion, with her essence

It was a picture meant only for her approval, not for the general masses.

She knew her sketch, her art, her story, her essence, was in general not what others would appreciate.

They would see her as too abstract, too strange, too unrelateable.

She would not fit within their lines.

Very few would recognise the light in her colours, or appreciate the depth of her soul, or the meaning of her texture.

And most wouldn’t ever take the time to explore the hidden recesses and caves in her landscape.

She knew that she was different, that she was unusual, an acquired taste, and only those open to life in all its complexities, would seek to fully understand her.

She did not care to seek approval.

She is calm now, basking in her essence, ready and open for whatever life may bring her �" her passion simmers waiting, alert and expectant, but ready and receptive.

The texture of her soul pulses with life, crimson and bloody but vital and resilient.

She lives....

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes a certain life comes to a halt...we quit giving in...we quit being what others want us to be....we quit taking the slaps and slap back...
the essence had a chance to return twofold...
this is an excellent write..
j.

[Richard McLin]

Fantastic. A great piece that gives such vivid images to the readers mind. Great job.
-Richard.

[Lorry]

This is just so beautiful Denise. The sketch, and life behind it unfolds to the reader like someone I know, or recognise in myself (apart from not being a she.)
It is such a pity that we all recognise such things we accept in life so readily, as just the way it is, while having a mind that refuses to bow.
Your words are a life, glimpsed by the viewer, leaving them with the thought that this life would be one that would have many more stories to tell and the viewer would be honoured to hear them. It resonates lessons learned from past mistakes and mistakes of the past, with light showing the way to a brighter future, deserved.
Wonderful

[denise]

I can only say thank you for reading and understanding

[Lorry]

You're welcome.

[Jibey]

Crimson and bloody, yet pulsing with life... This woman attracts with her depth of experience, her understanding... her passion

[denise]

Thank you .... this piece is important to me