The Giraffe Brothers

A scrap of nursery rhyme nonsense that popped into my head in the middle of the night. Based on a pair of plushie giraffes on my bed.

George, he was a dapper chap,

A very tidy fellow;

His trousers were of sandy brown,

His waistcoat, dusty yellow.

 

Giles was such a dandy fop,

In pinks and purples clad;

He wore outlandish fashions well:

'Twas a most flamboyant lad.

 

The brothers, sober and so gay,

They shared throughout their lives:

A great big house, and all their kids,

And they dearly loved their wives.

 

Author's Note

It's meant to feel like a traditional nursery rhyme. Initial reactions and constructive criticism welcome.

Edited 25 Jan 2018. Thanks, Nigel! I used your first two suggestions, and also tweaked the last line.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Not having been a parent, I'm not familiar with "nursery rhyme" style, but I enjoy rhyme & rhythm, which you convey in buckets. I like the way your poem shows some of the less experienced writers how ANYTHING in life can be written about . . . & it's an invitation to branch out from the often-used topics of love & heartbreak . . . thank you for being an example of how to have fun with writing & let your inhibitions fly away! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Margie! I'm really delighted that you enjoyed it. (((hugs)))

I appreciate your comments. I've written my share of love and heartbreak poetry, but most of that was before I was 25. As you said, a person can write stories or poems about ANYTHING. The challenge is to try to step away from cliches, as that sets the mind free. It's too easy to get trapped in the commonplace, but it can be avoided.

[Nigel Newman]

Debbie Hi. This took me back to my childhood days of reading A A Milne. I still have my tattered and scribbled upon copies of 'When we were very young' and 'The house at Pooh Corner'.

The first stanza sets a very high standard for light humour and also, of course, meter and rhythm. In the 2nd, this goes slightly awry on the first line, but could be remedied by insertion of a words like 'such' (a dandy fop). Similar problem in the 3rd stanza on the 2nd line where I'd offer up 'throughout' in place of 'all'. And then there's the last line, where the mischievous side of me interpreted this in a salacious way and was tempted to suggest a tweak to read as 'and they loved each other's wives'!

This is a fun write, but as I'm sure you can imagine, it's a bit like a prelude. I'm almost looking for a follow up about their adventures and scrapes they got into and how they were resolved!

Nice work
Nigel

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Nigel! I'm really delighted that you enjoyed the poem, and that it brought back pleasant memories. I think there may be more Giraffe Brothers poems in the future; we'll see.

Thanks for the technical review, and for the advice! I took your first two suggestions. I do see how the salacious twist would work, but I think the slightly more vague tweak I put in will let child or adult read it as experience suggests. It is intended for children, after all, but many traditional nursery rhymes contained mature subtexts.

[Nigel Newman]

Indeed they did. How true. I was only joshing about my last line.

[Debbie Barry]

Yes, I thought you were, but it made me stop to think a moment. That's not a bad thing at all, my friend.

[TheRavensWoods]

I love the musical way this poem flows. It truly sounds like it comes from a collection of children’s rhymes and stories. I love it!

[Debbie Barry]

Thank you, TheRavensWoods! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it, and that you got that impression from it.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Karen! Happy New Year!

I wrote a long reply, about stuffed animals and inspiration, but the computer ate it.

[Karen Redburn]

You're very welcome my friend!!

[Karen Redburn]

So sweet and whimsical. Wish I could return to childhood sometimes and delight in these magical little tales! Wonderful poem Debbie, and in case I've not said it, Happy New Year!

[Priyanshi]

It's something that I read as a unique piece. And it sounds too good.
I really loved it and enjoyed the poem.
:)

[Debbie Barry]

Thank you, Priyanshi. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it. Thanks for taking the time to read and review.

[Priyanshi]

My pleasure:)

[Diane]

Different but good. I liked it.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Diane. I'm glad you like it. It's about two stuffed animals I have: one with natural coloring, and one black and white, with bright pink and purple spots.

[emmajoy]

Catchy and charming.. near perfect meter, would satisfy any child wanting to repeat it and dance along perhaps.

Wishing you and your darlings happy times over the Holidays and way, way into next year.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Emma! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Meter is hard, sometimes, so I appreciate the comment.
read moreThanks, Emma! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Meter is hard, sometimes, so I appreciate the comment.

Thank you for the good wishes. A belated Merry Christmas to you and yours, and all good wishes for a blessed, joyful, loving, prosperous New Year!

[Wendy Seames Garner]

A cute little nursery rhyme, Debbie. Reminds me of reading Mother Goose to my little sister so many years ago.

[Debbie Barry]

Thanks, Wendy! That's exactly what I was going for.