Love in outer space

I wrote this watching Gundam seed destiny. And made up my own hort story like poem.

I'm floating in outer space.

I've loved you from the start.

I see my sparkling tears floating.

I lay in a melancholy state.

Wanting to end the wars .

I wan't to be with you .

I see my heart breaking.

I see My heart all over the place.

I see the love that's lingering in my heart.

My love is sparkling.

Like the tears .

It's not ment to fade.

But is saw the ship blow up.

I'm sobbing now.

Nooo!!!!!!!! this can't be.

What'll I do?

We where gonna get married.

I'm wearing the ring.

Staring at it.

Then I bump into you.

Your still alive.

In the middle of space.

I give you a kiss so true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Hope u like it

Reviews

[Texas]

Nice. It reminds me of still life pictures. The lines describing the setting paint me that image as a single frame.

[changeofseason]

Cute, imaginative and bright. I like the idea, but think the spelling/grammatical mistakes should be fixed. A greater effort should be made when it comes to how refined the word choices are as well as the sentence structures.

[Undying Glory]

i really should have reviewed this earlier but it's better late then never, huh? i like how you incorporate anime into your writing, it's certainly unique. and i really like this, it's really sweet.

[Aldora Sparrow]

Again the grammatical mistakes, but it could be worse. Not really sure the story behind this, but I guess it gives it room for imagination which is always a good thing

[Susan14]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! this is so really cute and romatic, it's a really nice poemthe poem flows really nicely with everything it;s amaazing

[Donovan "Grey Wolf" Go..]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
That's really cute and romantic.
Nice poem.

[Ruby Moon]

"It's not ment to fade.
But is saw the ship blow up."

i think you are missing an "a" in the first sentence? (meant instead of ment?)
and i think there is probably a word missing in the second sentence...
besides that two things, it actually flowed quite ok and i like the scene that you are trying to portary :)

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Fanciful Goddess,

This is a wonderful setting for your poem. There are a few typos in the poem that should be corrected since they interrupt the flow, but all in all, I think this is one of your better efforts. The ending of the poem is quite sad. You provide no solution to the final problem of being lost in space, but you do offer a loving kiss. Nicely done.

Best regards,

Rick

[Momo the Elf]

wow! i love the ending! it's cool how you can go from complete sorrow to joy like you did. i also really like how this poem tells the story, it's sweet and creative. :)

[Rima]

The poem starts out melancholy and a little said but ends on a happy note
I totally like it!
It is interesting switching to outer space
BTW- on the line "it's no ment to fade' you misspelled 'meant.'
Anyway, nice job!