Could Never Mend

Deeply mired, soul on fire, never been higher

The children are popping up all around like weeds
All that can soothe are the words of Gerry Rafferty

Don’t worry, he says, because if you get it wrong
You’ll get it right next time, you may stay strong

The last four words are my own chunks of prose
But where does the despair stop, nobody knows

Hundreds of profile pictures show the facial joy
Why the hell am I sour grapes, greatly annoyed

Lost in that proverbial haze, the kind that kills
An already weak faith, like a body with pills

Here’s another dose of false hope from the hand
You cannot sense, and yet it makes great demands

From my former best friend to the many other faces
I yearn to have all their solids faiths and given graces

Seven months gone, and approaching the age three-oh
Life seems lost to me because I have nowhere to go

I don’t see it going up, I see no point in heading down
Just let me float on and become a sleeper underground

The loss of children prematurely is a subject unspoken
I personally believe it is a reason why faith is broken

The father is left empty-handed like a starving child
Somehow the God above considers this pain a mild

Irritation, one healed with the passage of many days
I find that sentiment wrong in really so many ways

If he exists, he has my children up there safe and sound
And yet I’m here without them and painfully bound

In emotional straps that refuse to break, a solid vice
I guess I’ve been captured by evil, not by the Christ

Wallowing in pain as this generation leaves me behind
I’m a non-performer, a part of the unproductive kind

Why the f*****g tribulation, why the f*****g trial?
Why do I feel like a number in some agency’s file?

Over and over, the words of Rafferty echo in my ears
And all I have are my pointed wits and darkest fears

No hope and little drive as I must be s**t out of luck
Many friends on the social network don’t give a f**k

A scant few know the pain of the reproductive game
We try and we try again, it’s almost a f*****g shame

Too many failures and then all hope becomes lost
Schooners in the open sea being tipped and tossed

Rafferty tells me that I shouldn’t worry, I shouldn’t whine
He tells me if I get it wrong, I’ll get it right the next time

This is a day full of synchronicity, and it’s a bitter pill
The message was static as my car rolled down the hill

But the message sticks, pressing on is the only mode
Of living I know since my life is only a single node

On some gigantic tree called the distribution of life
Even though the cold universe doles out the strife

Maybe I should stop bitching and just enjoy the ride
Because the two great forces will someday collide

Life and death, the strong and weak nuclear forces
They both control human events, all of the courses

I may be emotionally down, but I’ll swallow the grapes
If not, I’ll be escorted to an early meeting with the Fates

And so on, the circle of life moves forth, just repeated
And the universe snuffs me out, has my life deleted

My genetic addition to the populace on this mote of space dust
Really will not matter, so leaving me out might be fair and just

Forget making it right, forget the next time
Because I’m reduced to a large puddle of slime

Life doesn’t matter to the cold, indifferent, sullen beast
To say it precisely, we are the creatures called the least

One little rock in some vast expanse broke out against the odds
Mostly likely without the helping hands from a bunch of Gods

A nihilist I am, the Christian stereotype I have become
At least, in all honestly, I am now comfortably numb

So f**k childbirth, f**k it all for what it’s worth
I’m pregnant enough thanks to my expanding girth

Good night my friends, may all your families succeed
I’ll have the steak knife to my throat, just let me bleed

Dear Gerry, I have it right this time, I did it after all
You are totally correct, you made the proper call

They lied on my tombstone, calling me a great soul
I wish they’d have told the truth, I was never gold

But the lie of precious life resumes its inevitable course
Somehow pointing itself to that fixed star in the North

And so on, so it goes, proceeding on without yours truly
All the memories left of me are remembered so coolly

My wish was granted, we’ve reached the end
Just because my broken heart could never mend

Reviews

[DONALD EISSLER]

having last my only son 11 yrs ago this touches me in more ways than you can imagine ....
tk

[Coyote Poetry]

"The loss of children prematurely is a subject unspoken
I personally believe it is a reason why faith is broken

The father is left empty-handed like a starving child
Somehow the God above considers this pain a mild"
To lose a child leave a open wound till death. Your poem is amazing. You open up many subjects and questions in this poem. Last lines are fact. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Hello, Goodbye]

Despondency Personified. As poetry of pain it is perfectly produced. I have to say that as someone who writes exclusively about internal angst and personal pain.. this piece is captivating from beginning to end. The flow is smooth and the rhyme scheme effective.. Great Stuff Here..