Prisoner of Life

Prisoner of Life

My mistakes quickly pile upon me, depriving me of hope,

It is time to punish, torture, and destroy myself,

Everything looks bleak as I sit in this lonely wasteland,

Nothing is left in the dark corner of my mind.

I am cold, lost, and discarded like a used tissue,

My heart is contaminated with self-hatred and loathing,

I am my own worst enemy - I no longer deserve to live,

Just another disappointment, in the timeline of my despair.

Always told I was worthless, I now understand why I am haunted,

My past has won again as I witness the damage I have done,

I am nobody, and the tears I shed are invisible and unimportant,

Happiness has left my soul and there are no more what ifs.

My eyes are filled with black, black as a piece of coal,

Thoughts of ripping my f*****g heart out and watching the last beat,

Consumes me, makes me want to kill the monster I've become,

I feel the storm inside the shadow where I am a prisoner of life....

5/3/2018

Author's Note

I was having a bad few days this is 1 of 2 poems.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nobody is "nobody"---

we beat ourselves up too often and feel worthless...god, i remember my first divorce and how i went through a period of feeling this...of nearly committing suicide...got away from that darkness and swore never to go there again---sometimes we blame ourselves for circumstances we just can't control.
j.

[Ghost]

Yeah even later in life when things seem bleak we sometimes beat ourselves up and I was doing this and am doing better with help from a friend and others... Thank you for commenting

[Donna]

I don't think I like this one! Don't get me wrong, your writing is great, but these words bother me. Hope your doing ok?

[Ghost]

Yeah I have been fighting depression and PTSD for a long time now... And when I wrote this I had been in a dark dark place.. But now I am digging myself out and fighting these feelings... Thank you for the concern and for the comment...

[Chris Shaw]

Wow, this is so powerfully written and I am left thinking, oh my, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up this way. We all go through dark patches, but they don't last forever. I hope the sun shines on you and brings some hope.

Chris

[Ghost]

Yes I am feeling better and I have a renewed faith and am holding on to faith more now.. Thank you for the time you took to read this poem...

[Chris Shaw]

I am so pleased to find you in a more uplifting mood, long may it continue.