Imperfect Men

written for my friend on Father's Day, 2018

This is for you, today-

a man missing his father,

a man finding his way

as a man, role model, teacher.

A difficult day for so many-

marked by absence

of so many kinds. For the

ones who were not there,

we luckily have men like you

who are there, for many of us

In all the ways that count.

 

Our fathers were imperfect-

they made mistakes, even

while comparting in us

much of what we are. Some

mistakes become gentler

with time; others

are amplified by our

introspection. We fall

into traps- thinking we will

never escape reliving

who they were.

 

We speak of men

in tones of blocked intimacy.

We deny them the right

to plant flowers in their

own gardens. What greater

intimate gesture is there,

for a woman with her men,

than to let his DNA mix

with hers? It is not lost

on me, today, Father’s Day,

that you almost became

a father with me.

 

We are far more than

the limitations of our human

parents. They are neither

the demons or saints we

would mold them into. I wish

you could see you, how I

see you. I would give you

the option to both be the man

your father was, and

be the man you wished

he could have been. My gift

to you today, is the hand

 

to hold while you

remember, a thank you

for the lives you touch,

and license to dream

of all the ways you want

to still be a father. Guide

to the abandoned, memory

for the forgotten, voice

to the powerless, and

visionary for those not

yet born. You remind me

of the honor of men

in the lives of women

and children everywhere.